Open Mic Poetry

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never would I have expected this
nor did I ever suspect it to be
but the reality is that it has
come to pass for the last time
I am sorry for what I did to you
and you, and for what I thought of
but never did to the other two
I will pay an eternity for the mistake
of lusting you rather than loving you
and if I am not mistaken the pay off
has already started and happens to me
everytime your image is put in my face
I want to run, hide, and cry until you
go away because knowing for absolute and for
certain that I can never know and love you
is the most painful mistake that I have ever made
but now the way life is for me even if I had the
opportunity with your image for a longterm I now
could never trade for I am in this one for keeps
we are all a package just waiting to be delivered
I can now say no more then just what I said about
my own peace about this whole ordeal which started
back when and includes everything up until now where
you and you and him and I are concerned. My mind
has accepted another truth besides what really went down
between and the distance that separates us all amounts to
the fact that I should have been learning rather then
lusting. I would like to thank you for the concept of
redemption and righteousness that you taught me through
your consistence and insistence for coolness. I love you
all always but now I know through __ that my time will never
arrive where all you alike guys are concerned because your
purpose was never to be a partner in the traditional sense
and in fact for some of you I was only able to see you from
afar and although I did learn from you it was still hard
because we are never suppose to meet for that would be to cheat
something anymore I do not do because of the conscious I discovered
because of knowing you. I love each and every one of you and hope
that you feel the same intense burning desire and love towards me
that I have for each of you even when we all must remain as free as a butterfly away from any of us -- man I told you the pay off was hard and painful and I am sentenced to it forever because I never treated anyone of you right
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Anonymous
-


Winner Winner Winner
Miss June 2005
-------------
.
-


You don’t sound good...Can’t control your tone...
In the neverwood...You’re under score...sure has shone...
And there you stood...right were you stand...
Answer me this..."Why Do You Live?"...what's your life for?...
Do you give...cure?...or...are you a sore?...
Dot to dot...the cris-cross guy...
Answers why with a fatal lie...
The living dead...dead above ground...haven’t you heard?...
The blood is shed...seek ye the WORD...enjoy the sound...the soul is to be fed...
Full-forced to be crowned...Cut all ties...burn all bridges...I thought you new?...
Witches get Stitches!!! Foo

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DD
-


I hate u travis
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Anonymous
-


next poem plz









































































































































































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Anonymous
-


If someone enters the bathroom I must be notified because I have to know what they are doing or going to do in there.If someone takes a shit or a piss I must be notified at once,because I have to know what they do and what color,shape and size the fecces or urine sample are. If possible the sample should be weighed,measured and logged into the recordbook or family bible if possible and for extra credit you may save samples in wash clothes left on the sink by the handsoap or anywhere convient and within reach of the "stool". Smaller decrotive "smudge" samples may be left on walls,floors,ceilings,cabinets,toilet seat,door handle,and light switch.
If for any reason I do not know the intentions of someone in the bathroom they must vacate the bathroom for a quick 99 point inspection by me,or another approved individual who shares the same common intrest in discovering what color the samples are,and who dropped them for what re ason.
-------------
nosey brown noser
-


You seem to be deleted...as over you…some stood to see
Were you ever needed...beggar of creation...even some degree?
Like lies and larceny…what you’ve become…will always be
Hold up…Wait a minute…
I’m waking up…and now back in it
Wash the witness…Power for hire…Count these candles…
Bandit…boom…Room full…New moon …
Rock…Rap…all doom…
Grown up too soon…now comes…street sons…
All twelve tons…with a sawed off squirt gun…
To the left and on the right…shipwrecked…neglect…sent into the night
Sifter of the bands…and upon this rock…The Church still stands
Pressing on…one love…one song…
Passing on…what’s right…smashing on…what’s wrong…
A nation carved from the branch of Calhoun County…
Preservation starved…while THEE be sought…praises weed the bounty
Keeper of blessing…knock off…dub…right?
Finding seven…insightfully…in spite of the law
Tore by tantrum…bite the ball...walks the wall…keeps the ransom…
Even the heavens and earth was shook…as I stood in the light…as I write…
Keeping it raw…Revelation’s more than a book…take a look

-------------
DD
-


once there were 3 and now there are 4

Where did you come from
this I must know because
you resemble people from
my past

God bless your heart for
I know it to be so real
I can feel you and I
don't even know you
in person although
that could change
if you would just
exchange with me
what you know

I speak of enigma and the passion from peter gabriel
in hopes to ressurect this something at last
I would name drop in a heartbeat if I knew that you
would care enough to at least wanna meet them and me

the world is your oyster now and we are just mere names
blowing in the wind and your life brings me comfort everytime you sing
so please don't ever cut the hair or loose your style
even if it gets boring after awhile

I will wish that I am told the reason why and if not by them then it needs to be you so even if its just through a song you should plan to go ahead and reveal the real reason I have been haunted by the same wildstyle...
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Anonymous
-


once there were 3 and now there are 4
-------------
Anonymous
-


The man whispered, "God, speak to me"
and a meadowlark sang.


But, the man did not hear. So the man yelled,
"God, speak to me"
and the thunder rolled across the sky.


But, the man did not listen. The man looked around and said,
"God let me see you." And a star shined brightly.


But the man did not see. And, the man shouted,
"God show me a miracle." And, a life was born.


But, the man did not notice. So, the man cried out in despair,
"Touch me God, and let me know you are here." Whereupon, God reached down and touched the man. But, the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.
I found this to be a great reminder that God is always around us in the little and simple things that we take for granted ... even in our electronic age . so I would like to add one more:
The man cried,
"God, I need your help!"
And an e-mail arrived reaching out
with good news and encouragement.


But, the man deleted it and continued crying ...
Don't miss out on a blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.


-------------
Anonymous
-


blonde bride good
-------------
Anonymous
-


love is blonde
oh my god it is
-------------
Anonymous
-


With all deliberate speed I glimpse you zip this way and that
Intent to make your mark in life too busy oft to chat
I'm not the only one who's said cool down your hectic pace
We seem to sense the stress and strain that's written on your face
I know your fears too well the one where dreams you never reach
I've lived it too, and picked up certain lessons I could teach
But how on earth will lessons learned from loved ones that you know
Be heard above the chaos as your life rocks to and fro?
Yes, keeping busy's fine but with no structure, plan or code
's like making time but learning late you're taking the wrong road
So slow down so you hear what those along life's highway shout
They might be earnest warnings that the bridge ahead is out!

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Anonymous
-


skitzophrenia perhaps?
hey sinclair
watch out for the bridge
oh look at that it's 10 after 1 in the after noon
-------------
Anonymous
-


I played a game called disconnect
way back when I was five
My mind and me went separate ways
so both could stay alive

The body me and conscious me
for years we lived apart
Convening on occasion
when survival deemed it smart

This separation served me well
for refuge I could find:
In mind, relief from body's blows
in body, peace from mind

It never stopped my progress
on this plane of friend and foe
Through life and love I fooled them all
and no one seemed to know

I lived apart unconscious
never...fully...really...here
Reality was filtered
through a disengaged veneer

But now the threat is gone

No cause for such schemes to persist
It's madness to base actions
on false fears that don't exist

I sensed the day was nearing
fate and fact no fret or fight
A day when selves estranged too long
would finally reunite

So slowly they've been coming
former sparks for which I'd yearn
The days when life felt crisp and real
were starting to return

Well...

Today my person said hello!
And boy was I surprised
I hardly recognized me
for so long was I disguised

No longer playing disconnect
from games we now live free
We're living life as two through one
my person, yes, and m e

-------------
Anonymous
-


jilla sniffer
-------------
.
-


we was watching the meshedgeinated story of willie mays,OH I meant "my dog skip" and the moonshine jug done got empty and the cleaners refused to put vineager in the wash even if I supplied the vineager at any price. "Do you know what it takes to remove the smell this vineager? Jackie chans rodie said across the counter what about these boogers? asked The Jilla sniffer,what kinda american greenbacks are we talking about here?

The triple ass heffer started to eat,well continued to eat, as it were.

Whats wrong with the triple assed heffer the jilla sniffer asked?"Oh the triple assed heffers brain in grease and lard" said the seinail old biddy who had a wonder aroama er stench coming from her cart.
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Anonymous
-


I'm not running anymore
I'm tired
my chest is burning
and you always catch up with me anyway
I dont see the point
in fighting something
I cant even deny
this time
dont let me catch my breath
just do it
-------------
kill me
-


It’s a Battle, The Battle...dip, shake, and rattle
Every noise goes unheard...only to clear is the flip boys swear word
As I walk these streets untouched by the legions of defeat...
Post pardon as if I can’t be breached...Saving the soul that the devil stole...
Protected by the savor of the Saviors…blood…
Crimson tie-died through thirty two layers…now comes the flood…
Tiptoe…never yo!...Loud as C.N.N. on game day…
With a flow…to help ya know…that you in the mix of a power play…
From within the mind and within the heart…the unseen grounds are torn apart…
Product: doom and gloom in the eye…sky’s are grey…
“It’s the world around you…It a be O.K.”
Lies…all…Lies…you can live today…fall to your knees…before you fall as prey…
…to the Prince of the air…to those times you cant bare…to “Life just isn’t fair”
Untapped authority you do share…
Stand up…for whets right…
Stand up…as a bright shining light in the night…
Stand up…for He has risen…
Break loose those chains…bring down those walls of your prison…
Swear the word…for it’s your decision…
The Living word…live life as a mission…
Pick up your cross…and follow Him…that is…JESUS…
The Battle is won…from within…He will lead us…
Cause…a life lived in sin…is the life He has freed us…
Planting this seed…in ground that the enemy has fled…
Come now Master…Impart on what has been said…
Closer to you…for the red, white, and blue…
For being all so true…and for being what you do…
Raise up the click…the band…that you might keep them as your right hand…
As it is your footprints in the sand…To shew unto all…You are the man…

-------------
DD
-



Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?" or "Why did God
have to do this to me?" Here is a wonderful explanation! A daughter is
telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her
boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would
like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her
daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are
all yucky!"

To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by
themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a
wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go
through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these
things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust
Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise
every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the
universe, and He chose your heart.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as
well dance.

-------------
Anonymous
-


trailer park womens pretty as garbage day eve
snot on the old womans fingers and shirt front but nothing on her sleeve
puts it in her ear pulls it out fast
puts it in her mouth long as it lasts
lies to the fat bitches until they believe
trailer park womens round here are pretty dang funny

never never the same
if you get up with womenfolk from yer own trailer park or coal camp the make you live in the south
thats the way uh huuh
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Anonymous
-


block the sun hide my eyes
what did I do to You god for this big surprise
rip out my eyes shove them on her salad plate
get a CDL to open her tailgate
some fat biotch
beached whale odor ankles swell
heffer
eat eat eat eat eat eat
hut hut hike
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Anonymous
-


you can lead a heffer to water
but to clean behind her ears you may need a car wash
some fat bitch
you can build a troft
pull a trailer
p uke
-------------
Anonymous
-


water retaining heffers
some fat biotch
water retaining heffers
some lard ass pig face squealing snitch
water retaining heffers
whoaaa whoaaa whooaa yeah
water retaining heffers
rolls of vericose decore
water retaining heffers
rolls and rolls of cottage cheese sweating out of the pores
water retaining heffers
gonna need potato chips
some big sloppy mess

-------------
Anonymous
-


I cannot offer you wealth or fame.
On the world's social register,
There's no mention of my name!
Dear, I want to be honest with you,
Right from the start.
I don't have much gold or silver,
But, I'll give you my heart!

We can't go on vacation to London or Rome,
To see "Big Ben" or a cathedral's majestic dome.
Our excursions in the future,
May be only a few miles apart.
But, I promise to stay close by you,
And give you my heart!

I'll do my very best to be a Godly man,
And to love, honor, and protect you,
The best that I can!
Our love will be a symphony, a beautiful work of art,
Beginning the very moment,
I give you my h eart!

-------------
Anonymous
-


Thou Cassandra,Is not life itself less than Your great beauty? The heavens from which You have been extracted leave the other angels in the background mere extras.Unworthy of Your spit,I ask for Your hand or Thoust holy lapdance,For there is no other high tempature valentine that busts my heart open and leaves my mind dreaming Your name.
-------------
Doctor Catsburger
-


Dose it seem to you as well...
that several of your thoughts are unanswered and fatal when swallowed?
Does it seem to you as well...
that off a cliff your "friends" just followed?
Does it seem to you as well...
that camp fires burn forever when they are not put out?
Does it seem to you as well...
that you offer nothing in return and can’t be heard...even when you shout?
Does it seem to you as well...
that most the affection that you retrieve...infected reflection...you’re only deceived?
Does it seem to you as well...
that when Adam fell...our due reward is to end up in HELL?
Does it seem to you as well...
that love is what you claim to sell...but when love is all we need...
that’s when you start to bail?
Does it seem to you as well...
that the life you live the game...of...going off the rails on a crazy train?
Does it seem to you as well...
that what you really need...you don’t posses...and...
the more you take...the bigger the mess?
If this be you...that feeds off the zoo...then ask for love...and seek the truth...against the grain...and keep your sanity...stand out from the rest of this inhumane humanity...be born of Him...uproot the weed...you cant know Him...because of your good deed...be a faithful servant...not of this world...
Alien you say?
...I say...O.K.?

-------------
DD
-



YOU ARE A WOMAN WITH THAT SAVOIR-FAIRE...Posture,
turning heads.

A WOMAN WITH THAT SEXUAL DARE..your alluring powers are everywhere.



A woman that woman


A WOMAN IN MANY MANY WAYS
A WOMAN WHO CAN PUT ANY MAN IN A DAAAAAAZEEEEEEEEE
YOU ARE..THAT (french woman) THAT MAN SEEK.
YOU ARE REALLY VERY VERY UNIQUE.
A WOMAN...BEFORE AND AFTER THE LOOKING GLASS....
AS WOMAN YOU SHOW SUCH CLASS...

YOU HAVE THAT SMILE..WHICH WILL MAKE THE SUN....HIDE IT's FACE.

YOU ARE THE SWEET OF THE SWEETS CONCERNING YOUR PAST..
YOU ARE...I SAY..A REAL WOMAN IN PLAY...AS SOMEONE I AM LEARNNG EACH DAY...YOU ARE A FRIEND IN MANY MANY WAYS...YOU ARE MY GIRL.

YOU ARE TRULY GOD'S GIFT TO THIS WORLD

WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE RAIN...YOU HELP TO EASE AND SOOTHE MY PAINS...YOU....ARE GODS BETTER CREATION...I AM LUCKY TO HAVE YOU NEAR AND THAT IS RARE FOR YOU ARE THE WOMAN WITH THE SAVOIR-FAIRE...Posture, turning heads.

swtlamb@yahoo.com
-------------
whisperkwane
-


Searching the Sunday morning website
As if you were to be in the lost and found
Upon this very page I did start to write
All those faithful passages as I drowned
Every notion every cry that gives off light
The inner dwelling of growth and excelling
Rooted in worship, accuracy, and what is right
Knowledge is king not checking my spelling
Desperately seeking to be freed in His sight
Let Freedom Ring was the pause before sound
Please listen in as this story I am telling
4 anyone thinking their alone in this fight
Pick up your cross is what I'm yelling
Take cover as we prepare for the final round
Protection is granted by day and by night
For He is risen and he has been defeated
Final Destination...pick it up and read it
Only on one side can you choose to be
My friend…lost in sin
I never did find you but you Found me

-------------
DD
-


This life has roads to travel
with much scenery to the side
with no real destination
just relax, enjoy the ride
This life has races for others
out in front they lead the pack
ever watchful for who's gaining
so they're always looking back
This life has wars some live
upon a constant battlefield
ambushed at any moment
by new enemies revealed
This life has shows for watching
keeps some always on the fringe
Observers, not involved
until the final act begins
This life has dreams for some
all's just a fantasy they say
Merrily thinking what they do
won't matter anyway
This life has mazes and mystery’s
sets some always on a quest
In constant search for answers
seeking truths not yet expressed
This life has nature's fury
for so many is the norm
while buffeted and battered
they're the center of the storm
This life has mere existence
with no purpose or pursuit
Who knows, perhaps, not sure? Oh well
The question might be moot
This life has roller coaster rides
Ah; now the games begin
A crazy, topsy-turvy ride
Let's go! Have fun! Hop in!
This life has tests, (my favorite)
yes, this view has served me well
a grade for every challenge faced
I pass it and excel
No right or wrong perhaps
but for the happiness you seek
Do current choices bring you bliss
or do they make life bleak?

-------------
Anonymous
-


smoking causes ladies to get nice handsome crewcuts!
-------------
Anonymous
-


my will to be good is being outweighed by evil today
I know though that every chance goodness gets its trying
to make a comeback into my life so that I don't have strife

My energies are always on and trying to interact with everything else around but the moment I am plugged in is when evil appears to try and disconnect my connection with all that is right

constant battle ensues forever making it hard to sleep at night because I am afraid I will not wake up but why if I cannot control such properties then would you also take from me a chance to be happy

I am confused and my circuits are smoking off all of the art inside my beautiful mind and now no matter what I do I am only allowed to look at satifaction from the side line median

Give me what I want which is only all good and take back the meaningless thoughts you plagued me with for the time has arrived for me to stay focused on truth no matter what the cost

You share with me nothing of value and its to the point that I now must cut my loss in order to regain what you tossed to the median that day many moons ago

Let us be rich in every sense of the word and in return I will always to my best to serve you like I know I should if you would just let me understood?



-------------
Anonymous
-


i aint happy about shit because i live with the rottenist dirtiest back stabbing manipulating puppeteers aro und
-------------
Anonymous
-


Is anyone happier because you passed this way?

Does anyone remember that you spoke to him today?

Can you say tonight, in parting with the day that is slipping fast,

That you helped a single person of the many that you passed ?

Is a single heart rejoicing over what you did or said?

Does the man whose hopes were fading, now in courage look ahead?

Did you leave a trail of kindness or a scar of discontent?

As you close your eyes in slumber, do you think that God will say,

You have earned one more tomorrow by the work you did today.


-------------
Anonymous
-


bo boce sucks worse than you ever di d
-------------
Anonymous
-


HE IS MY AMERICAN IDOL

BO BICE.......i cannot begin to say how much you resmble 2 different guys that i used to know, love, lust and stalk... i need to meet you BO BICE!!!
-------------
Anonymous
-


and thats why god made bullets
-------------
Anonymous
-


noraclaremqrcmiakrgbhnn
-------------
noarc claremaercb
-


that line of response is so typical of Dr. Gail because just last week she told my friend that my friend was
exhibiting obsessive behaviour everytime my friend thought about her ex friend. I wonder then what is
beyond obsessive or if there is such a beyondness because my whole existence is based on my old friend.
-------------
Anonymous
- Thursday, April 22, 2004 at 13:49:55 (PDT)
-------------
Anonymous
-


Im walking and im stalking
but never talking until the
day I approached you to fuck

keep in mind that had I not have stalked you you would never have known what it was like to fuck me and I know that you enjoyed yourself because you even thanked me for stalking you
-------------
Anonymous
-


stalker
-------------
Anonymous
-


mornin' maam,sorry bout the enlongated triple ass trailer youve got to pull behind you there
-------------
Anonymous
-


HERMAPHRODYKE,HERMAPHRODYKE fuzzy
does her shitternet puppeteering and spy reporting
like a church monkey fuzzy

HERMAPHRODYKE,HERMAPHRODYKE fuzzy
does her shitternet puppeteering and spy reporting
like a church monkey fuzzy
-------------
,.{
-


see how i ryhymed fuzzy with fuzzy?
-------------
Anonymous
-


herpaphadyke, herpaphadyke fuzzy
does her shitternet puppeteering and spy reporting
like a church monkey fuzzy

herpaphadyke, herpaphadyke fuzzy
does her shitternet puppeteering and spy reporting
like a church monkey fuzzy



-------------
this is dedicated to women with handsome crew cuts and the occasional bald spot
-


Johnny Hollywood begat the tattoo ,a red heart and in big letters inside the heart it read "FAT BITCHES"
then at the top was the feathered part of an arrow and on the bottom,coming out the other side was the arrow head.
-------------
:
-


your such a dumbass
-------------
Anonymous
-


I heard a real cat fight the other night
and from what I could hear the one cat
had its heard gathered around making all
kinds of hissing sounds while salvating
on the ground




you strike a chord
because I struck a nerve
now I strike a match while
you try to strike up a conversation
and that strikes me as "odd"

I have been striked in the face
but never been struck by lightning
although I am struck by familarity
because your rudeness has a striking
resemblance to that of which I faced
the day you told me to my face at your
place that you had fallen from grace only
to be demonized by something that only you
could taste while the rest of us are left
here to watch you turn your life into a waste



Was it love or just plain ol lust
I was never able to tell for I
was the one who always clung onto a must
what I do know though is that there is dust
all over our fantasy and that is not just
all that I know you know as I know that you know that I know that it is you and you and me and always has been and always will be because you are a person who sees even across the seas I know you know I now sing my ab c's.
-------------
Anonymous
-


The brainwash is pervasive
it's everywhere you go
It seeps into the mind
in subtle ways you'll never know
It's written in the schoolbooks
by now the deck is stacked
Agendas passed for truth
and then the bias became fact
But who shall lead the charge
and give the emperor his pants?
And who will take the actions
well beyond the rants and chants?
Without a new agenda
every person becomes pawn
We'll close ears, eyes and lips
and then our children carry on
It's time to stop the madness
and reverse this steep decline
So choose a cause that's close to heart
then let your courage shine
In lands with laws where lies are king
the truth tends to subvert
But all you need to change the world
is just one to convert!


-------------
Anonymous
-



this really happened to me yesterd ay
....................



http ://www.wimp.com/smooth/





-------------
Anonymous
-


lets sort the issues
every woman is mad at me
because thay have a big ass
this is now my fault
some how someway
I made the 1st xtard fat
I made the next tard fat
I even made the crackwhore fat
and now everyone is fat
and mad at me
because I dont want some fat bitch I am lied about
and spread rumours about by some forked tounged piece of dirt
am I not bad enough that complete bullshit has to be fabricated about me by some fat bitch because I dont want rolls of stinking fat?
You see I paid my dues with fat bitches early on in life
why do I have to keep paying the fat ass dues
they are paid
and some bitches have an ass thats two cat boxes wide
thats my fault again
Yeah I caused it
you know how some people rust cars
I make heffers fat
yep thats me
Mornin maam sorry bout yer great big double wide ass
Good Morning Ma'am he says as he tips his hat
I am truely sorry that Your ass is two cat boxes wide
Well How doo? sorry bout yer great big ass,ma'am
could this ever be enough?No because I am right now causing these fat fucks to gain even more weight
I just cant stop HAHAAHHAHAHAAHAHAH
Its me I did it HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Oh my God triple wide ass grande senioritas Mucho grande griengas, Me! oye veh the bagel ass has mucho dupa creame cheese.

thats one issue
the other is that your not giving me any hallmark cards these days its like you just dont give a rats ass
or your mad because I made all the womenfolk in this here holler and in yourn holler get a humounga -ass
-------------
>}
-


your news is worthy of my ear and time
I just wish I had more space to see your face
when I tell you that I am a manic depressive schitozphren ic
-------------
Anonymous
-


Even if you just say hi

just because you are a prisoner of your own mind
does not give you the right to hold me hostage
while you try and sort all of your issues out
and so what I propose you do is treat your problem
as if you would when you are folding laundry and by
using the same organizational logic, you can put your
issues into piles whereby you will be able to see them
on their own plus how they all interconnect and from that moment on you will not be able to put them away into their respective drawers until you have introduced yourself to each and everyone of them
-------------
Anonymous
-


I am amazed and confused about obsessive conpulsiveness
for what is the reason and why for so long would anyone
entertain the same thought and act out this thought a
certain number of times before they could mentally and
physically continue to the next thought in their mind
whereby again they will be focused on it until they get it right ... what the
-------------
Anonymous
-


Mar's

there once was an us
going places by bus
not knowing about fuss
or who was Russ
we just had lust
and never cussed
yes I had puss
but you are the one
who knew how to hussle
and I don't mean to
imply that you were fast
on your feet because you only
knew that for your mind and over
time you wore down the system
and caused a third world war
that spanned across the land
7 thousand and 77 feet and lasted
long enough for those around you
to bussle their hearts into a series of panic attacks
-------------
Anonymous
-


I am tired all the time
from not taking time for self
so once in awhile I should just
take the train located inside
my brain and runaway like a
confused young bride but what
good will come from hiding
me out of sight from all the
demands I have placed on me
because in the end they will
be there waiting patiently for
my care which now-a-days is so rare
to find so I just better not leave
them behind to fend for themselves
and ultimately I just better forgive
for forgetting myself

-------------
Anonymous
-


i sold my soul when I sold my home
and now I am condemned to a life of honesty
but I cannot say I was handed a shitty
bill of goods although I do know they all wish for
me to come good on all my bills and therefore I must
do the right thing and recite the bill of rights
on this very cold night.......I decide to shave
not one but three seven's into my hair that is under
my pony's tail

-------------
Anonymous
-


I have not played mind games with any one
if i care i do if i dont then why would i waste my time on it

again if i cared i would not play a game

so be sure your done
-------------
Anonymous
-


Oh thy Goddess Cassandra
how could another stand in Your shadow
on the same plateu
let the bitter ugliness of the heffer sows bow to thee

let the big asses blind someone eles mind
they can not compete
unless they contest and the challenge is to eat

let them bitch and complain for they have not the beauty the art which is collected in Your soul

let the dog ugly bitches cast a stone into the mirror reflecting the truth they can not stand to bear
for there is not another that could eclipse one second we have shared.

Oh Thy Goddess Cassandra
this world is only shit and You only You are the only beauty in it
-------------
TRC TCB CTB believe
-


The Bible in 50 Words

God made
Adam bit
Noah arked
Abraham split
Joseph ruled
Jacob fooled
Bush talked
Moses balked
Pharaoh plagued
People walked
Sea divided
Tablets guided
Promise landed
Saul freaked
David peeked
Prophets warned
Jesus born
God walked
Love talked
Anger crucified
Hope died
Love rose
Spirit flamed
Word spread
God remained.

-------------
Anonymous
-


Twelve Years,

Yes and does thoust whore have a last request?
-------------
Anonymous
-


darrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
-------------
Anonymous
-


or 5 or 6
that I played mind games with 1 was not playing games 1 that mattered
-------------
Anonymous
-


well thAT MAKES ONLY TWO PEOPLE YOU COULD BE or 3 or four
-------------
Anonymous
-


i thought we met in 1993 ... so that would make it that we have been messin with each other's heads for 12 y ears
-------------
Anonymous
-


I'm not going to kill You for playing mind games with me for the past 7 years
-------------
Anonymous
-


another reason to shave your head...

no more peanutbutter and hair sa ndwiches
-------------
Anonymous
-


magic
and your worshipping thoughts

the discordance that brought about
terror in plain daylight

twisting and conforming
placed within your hands
and in my book
we only discriminate in microtones
but it echoes in the corridors for all to hear

I left the candles behind
set apart to retrace the paths
I blindly led before

I conflict with me
in the shadows of this blessed shame

I yet regret what I am

-------------
E
-


Carmen and Stanley sitting in a tree
k-i-s-s-i-n-g
first comes love
then comes inbreeding
thats just the way thems hillbillies be's sometimes
YEEEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Giddie up little doggie


MOOOOOOOOO MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO
-------------
:
-


in this dream sherri brings the $349.00 she owes me and we all live happily ever after
-------------
Anonymous
-


Yeah it sucks to be You but at least you didnt have 4 surgerys on your left breast and 3 surgerys on your right breast and still be dog ugly
-------------
Anonymous
-


sick in the head from the cat box
-------------
Anonymous
-


No results were found for the search term lesbian frindge the 52nd year anniversary handsome crew cuts.
-------------
Anonymous
-


rs
I am mess wit you da best
you are mess wit me the best
then it is yes
-------------
Anonymous
-


When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when
24 hours in a day are not enough, remember
the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him. When the class began,
he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them
into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open
areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar
was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and
poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand
filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the
table and poured the entire contents into
the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want
you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things---God, your family,
your children, your health, your friends and
your favorite passions---and if everything else was
lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job,
your house and your car.


The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put
the sand into the jar first," he continued,
"there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. If you spend all your
time and energy on the small stuff you will never
have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your
happiness. Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.
There will always be time to
clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter
how full your life may seem, there's always room
for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

-------------
Anonymous
-


i fuc carmens ass i come like oklahoma blass smoke grass is all i need litlle bit of weed then i can fly like a plane in air..
-------------
king of the bongo
-


the truth that keeps me humble kept me so honest and so cured

-------------
Anonymous
-


how i feel its nessesary to react strangly to what is so promisingly neglegent inspired progress

the tale that set the sea was vanished with un refrained attention

who am i to see that all good strangers become remorse

keep un mind the sudden sadness

count on your countless regard to hold

see that your patience becomes enforced

hold on now because the inocent dream that held me still-still belows with envy at the sight of another beast
-------------
chachi charms
-


rs get yer wedding dress
-------------
Anonymous
-


what art?
-------------
Anonymous
-


My mistake was not loving you
it was continuing to
even after you were gone

please continue to leave
one day I will get it right

I think he loves me more now than
you maybe ever did

-------------
Pretynd
-


where did that come from

spratic rage showing its face
I am everything but a headcase
this will be something I need to face
and I am running out of time in this race
please I have fallen from grace and need
to come back to my original place

what first shall I read that will help me redeem
there is so much to be repentful for I want to scream
but instead I will continue to write right now and that will help to release my emotional steam

Look at you ~ you are just letting yourself go....Eyah, I know but what do I do now that I do not have you?
-------------
Anonymous
-


I slither like a worm
but I am not of both sexes
at anytime
They say I look the way
I do because of the way
I talk
I say let's just F**k

-------------
dipp i d do da dipp i day
-


Isn't that wild

Do people really take the time
go over all of open mic's rhymes
I wonder then if they do, do they
see the crimes against love and hate
or all of the debates this website
creates while all the while its only
purpose was to connect potential mates
Do their eyes get a glimpse of the sadness
state that everyone is in to some degree or another
Or maybe it is a mistake and everyone of us is a fake
trying to go unoticed while havin some fun kickin it old style

I have mastered the keyboard
and it only took me four years
during high school to now know
where every letter is also another
thing I have conquered over time is
the ability to look at each letter and
find a corresponding word beginning with
that letter only to use it as a first or
continuing word rhyme

yes of course I always make use of the keyboard
in such a way that it becomes a thesaurus for my
eyes and mind to repeat
-------------
Anonymous
-


not wanting to entertain these thoughts
I proceed to do a jig in the middle of the room
but it never worked so here I am and I am afraid
I have brought with me these very thoughts

I am always afraid that I am going to get caught
for if you open that drawer you will find alot
and with all do respect I do not traught
but I have always fought with myself and the world

I have a place here too you know
I just wish it were so dang hot
many thoughts go down for the jot
even though they are not real

there is a dot in the middle of an eye
what do you suppose it looks like inside
when you pierce right through to the core
innocence or guilt is what I am sure of

staying kewl is harder than I thought
the heat is starting to make me rot
someone please get me off this pot
no wait I need one more big bot




-------------
Anonymous
-


i went out wit trav and I can just walk my fat ass back into his life anytime I want
-------------
Anonymous
-


Suppose it’s never granted?
What then, friend, I need to know
Will others’ limitations
hold the key to how you grow?
Suppose you never hear it?
and each shoulder tapped is cold
If no consent’s forthcoming
will you put your life on hold?
No venture view or voyage
worth the effort or the pain
Is ever set about
Without first breaking through some chain
The world maintains its status quo
through those of lemming will
And shuns and shames the maverick heart
With dreams they must fulfill
But you, my friend, shall supersede
all barriers and extremes
For waiting for permission’s
not the way you build your dreams

-------------
Anonymous
-


Dose it seem to you as well...
that several of your thoughts are unanswered and fatal when swallowed?
Does it seem to you as well...
that off a cliff your "friends" just followed?
Does it seem to you as well...
that camp fires burn forever when they are not put out?
Does it seem to you as well...
that you offer nothing in return and can’t be heard...even when you shout?
Does it seem to you as well...
that most the affection that you retrieve...infected reflection...you’re only deceived?
Does it seem to you as well...
that when Adam fell...our due reward is to end up in HELL?
Does it seem to you as well...
that love is what you claim to sell...but when love is all we need...
that’s when you start to bail?
Does it seem to you as well...
that the life you live the game...of...going off the rails on a crazy train?
Does it seem to you as well...
that what you really need...you don’t posses...and...
the more you take...the bigger the mess?
If this be you...that feeds off the zoo...then ask for love...and seek the truth...against the grain...and keep your sanity...stand out from the rest of this inhumane humanity...be born of Him...uproot the weed...you cant know Him...because of your good deed...be a faithful servant...not of this world...
Alien you say?
...I say...O.K.?

-------------
DD
-


Dose it seem to you as well...that several of your thoughts are unanswered and fatal when swallowed?
Does it seem to you as well...that off a cliff your "friends" just followed?
Does it seem to you as well...that camp fires burn forever when they are not put out?
Does it seem to you as well...that you offer nothing in return and cant be heard...even when you shout?
Does it seem to you as well...that most the effection that you retreive...infected reflection...your only deceived?
Does it seem to you as well...that when Adam fell...our due reward is to end up in HELL?
Does it seem to you as well...that love is what you claim to sell...but when love is all we need...thats when you start to bail?
Does it seem to you as well...that the life you live's a game...of...going off the rails of a crazy train?
Does it seem to you as well...that what you realy need...you dont posses...and...the more you take...the bigger the mess?
If this be you...that feeds off the zoo...then ask for love...and seek the truth...against the grain...and keep your sanity...stand out from the rest of this inhumane humanity...be born of Him...uproot the weed...you cant know Him...because of your good deed...be a faithful servent...not of this world...alien you say...I say...O.K.?


-------------
DD
-


You not going to wear that to the "Last welfare check in the United States went to an Illegal Alien Day Parade"? are you
-------------
Anonymous
-


Sweet Bertha's Great Big Ass,Would You just hurry up!
-------------
Anonymous
-


I see You did'nt capitalize the G in Goddess
-------------
Anonymous
-


"HA HA HA HA HA"

Dear Travis Ray Cole,

Thank you for submitting work to The Cortland Review. We regret that we are unable to accept your work "The Last Job in The United States has been taken By An Illegal Alien Day Parade" at this time and that the overwhelming volume of material submitted to us necessitates the use of this form.

Please keep in mind that we publish writing we believe most appropriate
to TCR's style, interests, and editorial tastes for each issue.
Therefore, rejection does not necessarily imply lack of merit.

In order to keep the submission process fair to everyone, we ask that
you please wait at least six months to one year before submitting
additional work.

The Cortland Review


-------------
:Ahahhahahah HAHAHAAHAHAHHhhahhhHHheheahhahaah Oh!
-


Can that which is unsavoury be eaten without salt? or is there any taste in the white of an egg? The things that my soul refused to touch are as my sorrowful meat. Oh that I might have my request; and that God would grant me the thing that I long for! Even that it would please God to destroy me; that he would let loose his hand, and cut me off! Then should I yet have comfort; yea, I would harden myself in sorrow: let him not spare; for I have not concealed the words of the Holy One.
What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life? Is my strength the strength of stones? or my flesh of brass? Is not my help in me? and is wisdom driven quite from me?
To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend; but he forsaketh the fear of the Almighty. My brethren have delt deceitfully as a brook, and as the stream of brooks they pass away; Which are blackish by reason of the ice, and wherein the snow is hid: What time they wax warm, they vanish: when it is hot, they are consumed out of their place. The paths of their way are turned aside; they go to nothing, and perish.
-------------
Job
-


if I could fuck myself...I wouldn't need you .. so instead I will just have a nice day... 8~)
-------------
Anonymous
-


have a nice FUCK YOU
-------------
Anonymous
-


pain
stay away
or I'll break you
your brain
and your mind fuck cha ins
-------------
Anonymous
-


goodbye
in no ones eyes
no big surprise
all you offer is lies
-------------
Anonymous
-


gone
long gone
you took to long
we never had no song

-------------
Anonymous
-


over
very over
not talking about red rover
-------------
Anonymous
-


fun done run one


-------------
Anonymous
-


fun done run one


-------------
Anonymous
-


Thats just the love spell I accident ly
-------------
Anonymous
-


I know you want me for I can see it in your eyes
so don't try to hide your passion for me because
it will only dry you up inside so you decide if I
should be your guide through the world of ecstasy

I am under attack from an invisible force
its grip is too powerful for me to defeat
it is coming for me I am therefore beat
-------------
Anonymous
-


I was so happy when I figured out it was you because it
-------------
-
-


I stay calm, cool, and collected
Reflecting on that which has yet to be reflected
Because I stay ahead of the game
The game of life
The game of struggle, fighting, and strife

Struggle?
Yeah I'm struggling
And fighting
But I am surviving

I'll keep shooting these bullets of authenticity
And I won't let no one sway me
or play me
betray me
degrade me

Because I AM A QUEEN

Either fuck with me or get fucked
I'm not talkin about kissin, caressin, and gettin your dick sucked

But fucked
by these mind blowing, amazing words blazing from my pen or mouth

And you will hear me out
Because I bite my tongue for no one
And I'm still standing.
-------------
Megan
-


Like a puppet on a string
I jump around when prompted
to do most anything all it
takes is some good mental and
physical coordination on the
part of who has hold of me
Words are dangerous when
repeated often a certain way
never again will I be the same
because your selfishness has
overtaken my brain and is trying
to force me to go insane
with each passing day
my world is turning grey
chaotic by nature is currently
what I am supporting in terms of
allowing it to happen to me
if I think it does that mean it's
true because the more I stew over it
the bluer the sun does become for me
so don't hand me no picture showing
golden long grass growing peacefully
in the meadows with all the tall trees
for that is not and will never be our reality
and you are only making things worse between
you and me by obligating me to see what could never be


with my new hyper sensitive night wear I am now able to see the passion that just sits in your heart waiting to be released onto someone who is just as free but I know that at this time you have no idea it is me that will be tugging away at your heart strings for approximately eternity or at least until you cannot take it anymore
and you decide to seal the broken door that I caused when I did an illegal entry into your home so that I could watch you from afar playing your guitar and just right there I needed a pause as my brain was working to hard and needed to catch up to what you are doing right now while at the same time my mind is trying to forget about all of my spelling crimes.


If the opportunity ever presented itself you know don't you that I would be all over you like a fly stuck to a flytrap or an ant trapped in a anttrap or better yet I am positive that if you were to take me I would swallow you up as if I were a whale who was busy consuming it's morning meal. I am underrated as far as you are concerned and that concerns me because I am already worried about what you would do to handle yourself against my duct tape hold if I were to gain access to you. Many mornings will have come and gone before you realize that I am thrilled to no end about the fact that I can come in and go out of your life without you even knowing it.

I am at battle with myself because my mind has split today
there are two voices instead of just mine and this worries me
because if I loose to another voice which has no face then
what it will mean is that I had no claim on my mind to begin with
and that the steak I placed into the ground so long ago in here
has rotted away taking with it all of my proof that one day ago
I did come here and toil in order to pound it into the soil of my mind
but like I said now I come back and find another coiled around the seeds
so much so that they are beginning to split and bleed and so I guess that is
how I now own another voice inside my head or at least until I outdo it through
war and acting like a beast


I have so much to say and just simply not enough time to say it in
but that is still no cause for me to fret
because I can always summerize it
into a short booklet

I am proud of who I have become because of you
and this feeling can never be taken from me
I just won't let it I am that strong
so hopefully they will just leave me be

I am sweating so hard and fast that it looks like I could pass for a lawn sprinkler
I can hear them in the distance and they are by no means far behind
there is no way to cover up my scent so I will just have to keep moving and not pay my rent and for that I am sorry lord but I am busy travelling the land in order to get rid of them so maybe you can give me a hand when it comes time to hide in the quicksand

Why do you run with them in their pack? Is it because you will never be attacked? How so is it that you know this to be a fact? Why don't you just go back to Iraq...for you lack what it takes to be a westerner and it ain't going to happen by you just changing your name to Jack or by buying daily big macs and I am afraid that it won't occur even if you become a driver of a mac




-------------
Anonymous
-


backwards day yet again
where does it stop
need to take control
over my devilish soul

consumed by something
I fear for myself
a life of intimidation
if this act I do not drop

like a tree sloth I move about
weeks go by with no friends
and the end result becomes
the unwanted emotion of frustration

Coming undone I look like a top toy
spinning and unwinding so fast that
even a tornado was impressed by the
speed of my twirling thoughts

what is it that plagues me
and why do I feel not alone
when in actuality that is
all that I have known

I know I have done so many wrong
and that redemption is the only
path that will return me back to
innocense which is also a song

I am not what I think I have become
which is a person who cannot love
themselves because the guilt I carry
weighs more than a ton

will the thoughts of lust ever disappear
when will the images of you leave
right about now anything is what I believe
when it comes to what I fear

how soon does this invisible hold multiply
for days now its squease has been tightnening
as if someone had my mind in a vice grip
and at times it is rather frightnening

Am I really in denial of what it absolutely is
I am parted like the red sea on how to fix this
there needs to be an elimination of what is evil
and a growth of good must now sprout

smoking what is located in the forest
was not his intention for me
neither was your spell that convicted
me to run always from the hounds of hell

I am tired of being sick and tired
I demand you leave my mind
in fact I am firing you now you have no choice
remember I am built like a rolls royce

And as such I am soft to the touch
but I work out much which allows me
to draw my srength from this crutch
but not no more I ain't no dutch



-------------
Anonymous
-


You remember when I took You to where they rent boats and we did not go out in one
-------------
Anonymous
-


because you threw yourself at me like a baseball I had no choice but to catch you before you slammed right into my heart. In my glove of love you do rest until you decide to run which at that point to someone else I will have to shoot you off like I would my gun.
-------------
Anonymous
-


My mind cannot afford another ticket from racing all the time from the thoughts I think about when it comes to you and I

As soon as I fall asleep I am taken to the dark side where you are there waiting to further escort me to a place where only ecstacy lives

during our dream date we also discovered the erotic nature we have for each other when we pulled over and then in we went to find out how long we could test drive highway 69.


I am so desperate for your touch that I think later I will watch flicks about dicks while I wait for you toe enter into my mind
-------------
Anonymous
-


Death and destruction now covet the land
Satan has appeared who has taken a stand
Leaders are falling from both near and far
With many great losses from nuclear war
Crops are failing - famine is on rise
Satan is leading and telling more lies
All from the start he’s been setting the stage
As panic grows widespread from evil and rage
Oceans that boil – the earth is on fire
So many are dying from what Satan conspires
Quakes, winds, blizzards, and rains
So much is now gone with many lives claimed
Red turns the moon and black turns the sun
Rocks fall to earth with no where to run
Bodies lie rotting, all taken by plague
And those once with so much, today they all beg
Computers are crashing – Wall Street is no more
Things will not be as they once were before
There will be no escape – there is no where to hide
Causing numbers to rise from mass suicide
The dead have now risen, those Satan enlists
To continue a war where so little exists

-------------
Anonymous
-


therefore allowing me to participate in unorthodox acts
of experimentation

somewhere during my life my conscience disappeared

in my opinion time is well spent but really that's why
others do not understand as it is because of the issue
of us all naked and bend out of normal shape



I have eyes like a corvette
shining and definite
-------------
Anonymous
-


I thought the HAVE would make me happy
So I toiled in search of things
Learning not too soon but sadly
of the fleeting joy it brings
I thought the BE would make me happy
So I postured and I posed
Living lies and learning late
I'm still by any name a rose
I found the DO has made me happy
Thus I've found what has been true
Happy's not a place or thing you hold
but journeys you go through

-------------
Anonymous
-


shure
-------------
Anonymous
-


life again at given time

I do not know what more to say
Because you never put your shoes on mine.
You will never feel the pain I have been thru
Because you never see me cry.

You could wipe out my tears but you’ll never understand
I do not know what else could break my heart,
For I have fallen and my faith is queried.

It was an angel’s life shinning with mine
It was my light that has gone not yours,
It was my distress, my own losing & my life
That I dreamed to place into my arms and heart.

What more you should know?
That I sometime, I wanted to give up my life
For the one I love and to have my life back.
If I answer you, can you put it all back?

It would not matter to me now
For I will not question why….
Because I know one day and just one day
I knew & I will have life again at given time.

- All rights reserved, © alfe chelena
-------------
alfechelena
-


your game is no where until i know who you are
-------------
Anonymous
-


I know that feeling with me it was like three blondes and a bleach blond my mind going back and forth then to put it in over drive overdose a red head to eclispe these blondes so I prescribe to you a red head
and no I'm not a red head but be careful because if You take to breeding the offspring could be left handed
-------------
Doctor Catsburger
-


i am so saturated in guilt
over so many things that I
am finding it hard to cope

I know what I ought not to do
but with my mind and thoughts
there is ping pong going on &
in the end it's the latter who
outwins the former and with that
comes me saughting after what I
haven't got and better yet what
I should never have too
-------------
Anonymous
-


at the crossroads the only leads are mine
to you they are
for no other inspiration has ever been so fine
-------------
Anonymous
-


i got a nice handsome crewcut
you can see my ears

i dont know what a lint trap is
to beat my record
you would have to be stupid for years

having a brain cell is one of my greatest fears

i got a handsome crewcut
you can see my ears
-------------
Anonymous
-


what the fuck do you want from me?
go fuck your self
-------------
Anonymous
-


I watch you watching me
both of us can agree we
see ourselves in amongst
all of the gases surrounding
those distant stars and now
I know I am beyond what I
know now about current existence
and the fact that you are there too
is a blessing in and of it self
-------------
Anonymous
-


Dear Fergie,
I just love your video "Lets get it started" and I have seen you voice work in the charlie brown cartoons in the eightys when you were sally.You are the best! good luck with the tree and the johnny appleseed meets george washington thing
-------------
Anonymous
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The life size figure of Jesus Christ protrudes mysteriously from a knotted growth in an old tree in this tiny Roman Catholic Cemetery located in Quincy, Illinois USA (pop. 40,000) which is nestled in West Central Illinois along the Mississippi River.

A cemetery worker first discovered the phenomenon a few years ago. He stood in awe upon making the discovery and kept the secret to himself for several days before sharing it with others. The miraculous image cannot be fully appreciated unless one stands at a certain distance and angle thereby explaining why the figure had not been discovered earlier.

Both the Quincy Herald-Whig newspaper and KHQA television station ran stories on it and provided coverage. When word got out people flocked to the cemetery to see the spectacular site. According to Ruby Cookson, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Cemetery Association nearly 2,000 people were visiting daily and in a very short time, the guest book located next to the tree had acquired over 30,000 signatures, however, many people visiting did not sign. As of July 1998 there were signatures from 48 states including Alaska and Hawaii and 20 foreign countries.

The tree which has acquired the name of "The Jesus Tree" is also known by many in the area as "The Good Shepherd Tree."

A fence was placed around the tree to provide some protection because people were peeling pieces of bark from the tree to take home as souvenirs. There was also concern because the grounds around the tree had been worn bare by the many thousands of visitors who visited each week.

People have hung crosses on the image, others have laid bouquets of flowers at the foot, and some have gone so far as to leave stuffed animals and photos of loved ones.

The first time I visited the site..... I immediately saw what everyone had been talking about. Here was a life size figure of Jesus embedded within a huge knot in an old tree. One can quickly see the image of Jesus cradling what appears to be a lamb. The head of the lamb is visible directly above the folded arms of Jesus. Jesus is attired in a long robe and has a staff beside Him, which seems to be leaning on the right side of the tree. It was very obvious to me that the tree has been untouched as far as anyone trying to alter its make up in order for it to appear the way it does.

Has it evolved through natural means or perhaps through some divine intervention? Feelings are varied but most walk away with a lingering thought in their minds and that is the figure of Jesus does seem to be outlined in the bark and protruding from the knot of the tree.

One of the notes that stood out in the guest book was that of a mysterious fellow who visited on Sept. 05, 1998.

Could this man have been a Messenger sent from God???? Please take a moment to read the words he wrote as shared with me by Ruby Cookson, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Cemetery Assn. in Quincy, Illinois.
***** *******************************************************

9/5/98 "Teach repentance and the remission of sin in this country that has turned its back on God (even to the point of condoning same sex marriages). I tell you to prepare for the coming of Jesus Christ. The hand of God will deal with this vile perverted ness. God said, "If you belong to me, you will bring up My name."

Without delays seek Jesus Christ more than you have ever considered doing so. Understand the only power the devil has is the power you give him. God doesn't care about yesterday. Come to His Son with true repentance today. If you continue putting Him off, you will surely go to Hell.

God said to take a strong stand against evil, so do it! Sometimes love requires correction. Be gentle and be firm with God's law and understand there is no middle place. You are either for or against Our Lord. Pray for the entire world that they may seek Jesus. Condemn no one but understand there is no middle place. You are either for or against Our Lord. Pray for the entire world that they may seek Jesus. Condemn no one but understand a time may come when you need to kick the dust from your feet.

Love, Peace & Calm
A homeless man with an Angel
Wayland, Mo.

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I asked a few of my personal acquaintances and family members their thoughts on the tree. Here are some of their responses:

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Carolyn Potter: Wake up call for us before it's too late. Jesus wants all of us to come to Him and be saved. Hopefully with this and other signs, more people will be saved.

Roberta Meyer: Quite taken in by the site. It could mean a number of things.

Sandy Searle: The figure is quite interesting. It has been said "the Lord's handiwork is all over creation and I would say that the tree is a good example.

Jeanette Jones: It's hard to decipher the meaning of the tree.

Peggy Meyer: The tree certainly looks like the figure of Jesus.

Pat Kelly: You can definitely see the figure of Jesus in the tree.

Darlene Hood: It's a special tree.

Rose Carpenter: People are always looking for a sign from God. They probably believe if they can touch it, it will cure them or do away with their sins. It is a wonder.

Cindy Drake: The figure is so cool!

Ollie Weese: The tree is a reminder that Jesus is watching over us.

Evelyn Taylor: The figure of Christ looks exactly as the Bible pictures Him.

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Coincidence, phenomenon or miraculous discovery...... you decide???? If you have a moment...... e-mail me your thou ghts.
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(SPECIAL NOTE) There is no charge
to view the "Jesus Tree" and
the cemetery is open year round
to the public. It can be viewed
at the following location:

Roman Catholic Cemetery
1730 North 18th St.
Quincy, Illinois 62301
United States of America
Phone # 217-223-3390 or 217-223-3395

Author/Written By:
Marilyn Ferguson
©2002
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Anonymous
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He sipped the Jalepeno flavored boxelder coffee and looked into her vacant eyes knowing each and every word she said was a lie to cover up the wrong doings of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union,and said "The only mistake I made was You,Honeycups"
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scripted revelations
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why would I tell you anything
and give you the satisfaction
of knowing that for a majority
of his life he has spent it
trying to run and hide from
YOUR mistakes
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Anonymous
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today I did a wake n bake



and
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now
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I am high therefore I am fake
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Anonymous
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Game Day
Johnny Hollywood put the groucho shades,nose and mustache on and the shoulder pads and Green Bay Shit Packers jersey and stood up while he urinated,and everyone thought he was another one of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia football team,just kinda skinny,so they figured he was the quarter backThe real quarter back for the C.T.L.M.U. was locked in a locker after being sedated with the censorshit coffee syrup mixture laced with the Bertha medicine,Everyone knows as the Boxelder coffee ,So she was out for a while.On the field as soon as the ball was snapped to Johnny Hollywood ,He ran the other way and then just handed the ball to the Bears at the other end of the field...Score!Johnny Hollywood ran up into the crowd to avoid being ripped into pieces by the angry Cross Threaded Lesbians"We are going to get you Johnny Hollywood" shouted the very large center.Johnny Hollywood found some Bears fans in the crowd to party with and a nice lady who even shared her seven dollar beer-sch with him."They are going to get you,Johnny" She told him,"and when they do I'm afraid they will cross thread you"Johnny Hollywood did not want to be cross threaded by any means, so he decided to leave town as soon as the game was over and change his name."Why don't you just leave the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union alone Johnny and face the facts,You need to lower your standards,the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union have already gotten to all the good looking women in the world,and if you want a lady, you have to take what's left over...immigrants and fat ugly bitches" said the Cheerleader Johnny Hollywood was trying his best to pick up
posted by Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union at 7:14 PM 0 comments


Win,Place or Show
"Mr. Hollywood has always been in the habit of banging retarded biotches,Walmart greeters were no exception"Johnny Francis Nicolas Hollywood's Hot attorney to the Jury."And that is why we are asking for fifty-seven million dollars from Hugh Heffner and the land the Playboy Mansion is sitting on,So that Johnny Hollywood can have it tore down and build a McDonald's there to satisfy his thirst for immergant women""Why thats absurd" said Hughs attorney in Playboys defense"We came up with the Women of Walmart ideal all by ourselves."Gabriela {Johnny's Hot attorney} strutted across the court room sticking her chest out a little to far".I would like to call the witness"Tardzilla" to the stand"Tardzilla took her oath and swore to tell the truth."Have you every been a resident of little city{a home for the mentally handicap},Miss Tardzilla?" Gabriella asked."Yes" Stated Tardzilla."And have you ever had relations with Mr. Hollywood? asked Gabriella"Yes" Tardzilla answered once again."And have you Miss Tardzilla ever been employed by the chain of stores we know as WALMART?"Gabriella asked smiling from ear to ear."Why yes I have" Tardzilla said, almost in tears.The court room erupted and the crowd went wild."Quite QUIET" The Judge shouted as she pounded her gavel onto a copy of playboy featuring Hepititis Barbie otherwise known as Pamela Andersen Lee, that Johnny Hollywood had been saving since he was a little boy."I'm going to get the Playboy mansion"Johnny Hollywood soggily whispered into Gretchens ear.The sky was bluer than Johnny F.N. Hollywoods Hot attorneys eyes."Its all about payback." J.F.N.H. shouted as he dropped hundreds of feet each second.Johnny Hollywood parachuted down into the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia's secret cucumber garden and started killing every plant he saw,like it was early December and he was sacrificing Trees for the Lord.The guards heard him and the spotlights circled the roll of plants He was trying to destroy at the moment."Those are gods children your killing!" shouted the General of the Cross Threaded Army."God??You leave Jessica out of this,she has nothing to do with any of this" Johnny Hollywood yelled as He tried to out run the demon dogs of hell. They were gaining on Johnny Hollywood and he knew his time on this sweet planet of love would be short.The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia broke into Johnny Hollywood's studio and broke his DOD foot pedal by the weight of the leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia, Johnny Hollywood'sWah pedal snapped in half."Try playing your songs of love to our ladies now,you little censorbastard" Exclaimed the oversized Bull Dyke large wearing the red plaid flannel shirt that was as big as a compact car."There won't be any crying from his guitar tonight."Said the very handsome lady with a jet black crew cut."A good guitar player could play a log if he had to"Exclaimed Gretchen in Johnny Hollywood's defense.Johnny Hollywood did have a major revelation that would change his life as he knew it ,and bring happiness to his musicHe was seeing sunspots and warm red covered his mind."Well, don't keep us in expense forever Johnny" Said his very "special" slutty looking nurse "Special"K" ."O.K, O.K" Hollywood spoke"I will count the freckles on Gretchen""Thats it,you censorasshole?" Asked Nurse Special "K"as she stormed off to the drink cart."It can not be done" Harpo the award winning landscaper said as she shaved her eyebrows onto the table."It certainly is a challenge,Johnny,what if you miscount? asked Doctor Karen Cervenka"Then I shall count and count again" Johnny Hollywood stated."You can not just attempt to count Gretchens freckles,just like that,Johnny you must work up to it.You will need to train for such an event for a very long time, or you could get hurt." Harpo told Johnny Hollywood as she groomed her extensively protruding nose hairs."Training?" asked J.F.N.H. as if he was shocked."Yes,Johnny you need to train,to practice" Said Dr. Karen Cervenka.Johnny Hollywood thought this might be a trick,But he was unsure. If he was going to practice counting the freckles on anyone it would have to be on Gretchen herself,because her body was different from all the rest and if he did practice counting someone else's freckles it could cause him to be use to someone else's body and cost him dearly in the great freckle counting contest He was about to undergo.How could he count all of Gretchens freckles without her knowing? He couldn't, He would have to just count them in a one take situation for starters and if he censorfucked up,then maybe she would give him another chance to correct any mistakes he made the first time around but maybe getting in shape for the freckle counting event wasn't such a bad ideal like the nasty ugly biotches had first advised Johnny Hollywood.Johnny Hollywood began jogging ten miles a day,then push ups."This censorshit is taking up a lot of valuable playing time,Johnny" said Harpo, Johnny Hollywood's award winning landscaper slash bait and switch mail order bride, Who was secretly taping Johnny Hollywood's Jams and trading and selling them as bootlegs, not knowing that Johnny Hollywood's policy openly stated " He was for the taping and trading of his material by his fans and didn't mind the bootlegging"."You stupid censorbastard,you might have just cost us to lose the lawsuit against the file sharers in the Shitternet giveaway litigation process "cried Gabriela, his lovely attorney , thinking about her beamer payments.Johnny Hollywood looked deep into her wild blue eyes and wished she was a Landscaper,He kissed her anyway knowing He would in no time soon get his lawn cut.Then he started jogging again, off around the corner of Broadway and Wilson where he found so many bagladies before,He wasn't looking this time,He had a reason to live and a goal to achieve.He was going to count them,yeah he was going to count Gretchens freckles if it was the last thing he ever would do."And how does this make you feel Johnny?" asked Dr.Gail as she applied her cat box to his navigational system"Your cat box is over flowing Doctor Gail, causing the navigational system to become clogged with your sand""Dr. Gail looked like she was going to cry"You stole that from The Crackwhores stunt double", She shouted as she knocked the "Kincaids" off the wall in her office full of lawn chairs.Johnny Hollywood didn't steal anything and he didn't openly admit in public that he by any means knew The Crackwhores stunt double.Johnny Hollywood wanted a meaningful life, everything meant nothing, the songs he worked all his life on were to be given away on the shitternet by people who had no talent what so ever"Thats the way God want's it,Johnny" Said his overpriced Love Shrink "Dr.Gail","The Music should be free""And so should your retarded stocking ripping sessions,Sweet Doctor Gail" Johnny Hollywood told the twisted snotty biotch like it was.Johnny Hollywood wanted something meaningful and all he could see was red as he looked into the midday sun."Thats It" He yelled with excitement.Jumping up and down."What's it,Johnny? Did you have another revelation?" asked his Harpo Marx looking award winning landscaper from somewhere in St. Petersburg as she plucked her chin hairs and shaved her cleavage again."Didn't you sign a contract when you began working for the Hollywood Estate that you would not pluck and shave in front of the guests?" Asked Johnny Two Chords Hollywood."Spoil sport" said the now crumbled Harpo."Johnny What's your major revelation?" Harpo asked once more as she rinsed the disposable razor in the tea cup."Shouldn't she be landscaping,Johnny?" asked Doctor Karen Cervenka as she turned over to tan her non-existent ass.On Johnny Hollywood;s leer jet flying over Georgia on the way to Northern Florida there were some light storms.Johnny Hollywood woke up sweating profusely,He had been dreaming about his favorite generic Barbie yet again."Maybe you shouldn't have stopped taking the Bertha Medication Johnny"Stated his little Yoko right before she gave him a righteous piece of ass"Yeah maybe" Said Johnny Hollywood before falling back to sleep proper."Wake up Johnny we are at Disney land" Said his silly little biotchJohnny Hollywood knew He was not at Disney land.Johnny Hollywood knew there was something he forgot to do back home in the lovely "Crack House Estates" He resided in,but could not remember what it was."Think brain think" he thought to himself.JNFHJohnny Hollywood woke up in a puddle of pukeIn the elevator on the south end of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Unions Casino“We are going to have to ask you to leave the cult,Johnny Hollywood” Said the leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia.“What cult?” asked the puzzled J.F.N.H.“The group,the Union of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia”Said the first bouncer as She applied accessive force to restrain and remove Johnny Hollywood from the premisis.Johnny Hollywood knew his rights,they could’nt just throw him out of the Cross Threaded Casino for no reason what so ever,they had to pin something on him.There was the fact that he never paid any dues to become a full fledged member of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia And He was never really in their Union,per se,So he never really had to suffer thru their tough initiation process.He did have a lot of trouble battling them for the heart of Gretchen ,Which up until now they seemed to be neck in neck.The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Unions bouncers were starting to get pretty rough with Johnny Hollywood in the parking lot, where he begged them not to make him go since he had no where else to go and considered this his home.“You are just here trying to pick up our ladies”Said the Bouncer dressed in a black leather tarp.“But I own you and your football team” cried Johnny Hollywood.The lesbian bulldyke bouncers were not impressed.“Give him pain” said the Cross Threaded Bouncer wearing the blue collared shirt.During the night they dumped Johnny Hollywood in a dumpster in the Uptown area,leaving him for dead.After a short uncomfortable nap J.N.F.H. began his long walk back home.Six hours later Johnny Hollywood made it back to town.He was dying of thirst so he thought a nice Gatorade brand beverage would help.He made it to the counter inside the local convience store and told the Secondary Undercover Crackwhore Trixie babe with the ponytail thing going on“You know I wanna get with you,baby.”From under the counter the very lovely The Secondary Undercover Crackwhore Trixie raised two AK-47’s and opened fire on Johnny Hollywood’s Already broken heart.“Ouch,you sure know how to hurt a guy”,Hollywood exclaimed.“ First the Cross Threaded Lesbain Mafia want to assinate me,now the Secondary Undercover Crackwhore Trixie babe is pissed at me for no reason that I can find”J.F.N.H. told the bus driver who stopped just in time,Almost running Johnny Hollywood over only because he ran out in front of it.“Does anyone have any change ?” Johnny asked as The Secondary Undercover Crackwhore Trixie babe,as She rittled the bus with bullets.Johnny Hollywoods life passed before his eyes.He remembered Bertha Mae wearing the french maid outfit,Cooking up that delicous corn bread,Before she broke his heart and run off with that good for nothing Sodbuster.The peoples of the pace bus and the driver tossed J.F.N.H. out very quickly and Johnny Hollywood decieded as long as he could get another glance of the Secondary Undercover Crackwhore Trixie Babe , That was certainly worth dying for.Well that’s when the trouble began,You see since every thought Johnny Hollywood had was transmitted thru his funky microchipped mind,And the secret underground was intercepting all of these aforementioned thoughts And trying to manipulate and control him like the prisoner puppet he was, And the evil Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union was in control of the secret under ground,Johnny Hollywood really did not own anyone or anything.“And how could he think a warm thought about The Secondary Undercover Crackwhore Trixie Babe?” asked Lori the nasty looking troll that lived under the porch, Who was in charge of watching the lap top monitoring Hollywood Johnnys caged mind at this peticular moment.“Your fired,Lori” cried her Upper Management Cross Threaded Leader.“You can’t fire me, I’m like a Navy Seal of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia”growled Lori the tubby little troll that lived under the porch.“You people are making me sick” Said the very lovely Muff Muff.Johnny Hollywoods brain backfired,before he passed out under such great pressure.He had several weird dreams about Andie Mcdowel.Johnny Hollywood rode his horse slowly thru the town,Looking for his missing soulmate shitbag.She wrote him letters the whole time He was in the hospital on his death bed,Telling him she wanted to recreate life and melt the universe with him.Then left him at the gallows pole Hanging,if it was not for Candy cutting him down there would be no Johnny Hollywood today.Johnny Hollywood stole roses for his favorite generic Barbie And almost got caught.He tore down every wanted poster of himself he could find.It was big Roxy who retrieved the wanted poster of Johnny Hollywood in the post office The one claiming he had organized the great train robbery of Rond Out When he was no where around when it took place,But it was also Big Roxy who had formed a possee to search for Johnny Hollywood to begin with.“Welcome to the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Wrastlin' Match ,Hollywood Johnny”said the biggest bulldyke Johnny had ever seen, as she threw him on her shoulders like it was nothing and began to run around the ring taunting the crowd.Johnny Hollwood wished he was in Gretchen's garden, Killing the satanic snake or on the couch watching cable with his lovely new wife Olivia about right now.In a blurr faster and faster he turned He could smell the big brawny bulldykes armpits And odor pouring off of her rolls of fat Like a sweat smoothy."If I die Who's going to milk the obease Yoko?" Johnny Hollywood thought.Johnny Hollywood remembered he never found The Secondary Undercover Crackwhore Trixie Babe Waiting at the station and that was his last thought .Into the crowd he flew, Over the mosh pit into unconcousness.“He needs to take the Bertha meds now,Everyone has to leave”said his slutty looking nurse Special”K”.“I’m not going NOWHERE BIOTCH,…I’m his upstairs maid now.” Gretchen told Special “K”“Well you better take your silly censorass upstairs then said Johnny Hollywoods very dedicated nurse with a devolping attuide problem.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:50 AM 0 comments
Monday, March 21, 2005

Johnny F.N. {Albnio Sniffer} Hollywood woke up and took a power piss. He could see Bertha on the screen of the security cameras looking like a country music video in her overalls and barefeets cleaning the horse stalls just shoveling the dookie.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 10:39 AM 0 comments

Angel in the Crossroads at Twelve O'Clock
Johnny Hollywood's new manager ate all the chicken legs and wings and breasts leaving only undetectable pieces that tasted like fish,then she told him that he would not be allowed to continue to overuse his name in his fictious biography and would not be eligible for the world record book of the same name bieng in a book."The script done got gone" the moist hillbilly said over the Bogen intercom."Radio radio radio computer computer pink floydianisms the wall, Whos the hottest Yoko after all?"Asked the Evil Gypsy Vixen, {Who was censorhot herself }."What no viks" asked The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia, as they made Johnny Hollywood carry the cross thru town. The towns people carried signs that said "Ban the abuse of dairy products for wooing purposes"."How did they know and did they also know he was looking for a nice boxster to woo you on the hood of, in the rain at dinnertime without utilitizing garlic bread or a garlic bread substitute?" Johnny 2times Hollywood thought on the first screen, and he thought "Jessica ,wooage" on levels two and three ."Is there another plateu?" Asked The Secondary Crackwhore as the Milk of Crackwhore bongwater burned her soul."Your crazy Johnny Hollywood" Said the fiesty pizza maker."Bad search engine Bad, No, No": Said the barefoot and pregent welfare recieptant.He did'nt care he said "CensorFuck it I'll carry the cross to Oklahoma, if you told me Olivia was really there.""All thats there is walmarts and Merle Haggard's Music, Johnny" said the Nasty Troll that lives in a hollow log. Bulldyke number two stood up and made a peace offering to Mr. Hollywood,"The E chord" .................Johnny F.N.Hollywood's imaginary invisible fans will live homeless because J.F.N.H. is homeless and in addition to Johnny Hollywood bieng homeless,He was in denial about bieng homeless and crazier than dogdookie, not only was he delusional, his thought patterns were erratic."I thought they did'nt make Liquid Bertha Medicaticion anymore" Dr. Gail said heistantly "Wheres my groucho shades?" asked the cartoon of Lisettes brain."out of his element" said the Virgin Slut Rocket Scientist and therefore could not tell the crazy obsessed fans that wanted to..................................." UH HUH SEE ," Cut" "You cant have a Virgin Slut Rocket Scientist in the movie, Johnny it just is not proper" Said the new director of Johnny Hollywoods life."Wait a minute, its my script, I wrote it" Hollywood told it........."and he lived it" said God not wearing the birthday suit Doctor Catsburger had requested her to wear.The new director looked suspicouly like the old and very first self appointed manager and all of a sudden Johnny Hollywood was'nt doing the likes of freckled waitress' and thier was no bunny tails and blonde versus bleach blonde revalations for Mr. Johnny Hollywood now there was fat ugly biotches and scenes where Johnny Hollywood was some heffers house boy, but Johnny Hollywood could'nt complain much because he threw away the script way back when, and it was what ever happens happens ,Bertha meds induced coma of retardation,the only constant was that the script needed an actress whether or not she was one hundred or three hundred pounds was up to the director which is why a lot of people say the Johnny Hollywood did commit suicide.It was because He lost control of the script of his life and already during that life previously He had documented evidence that he had infact paid his dues with fat ugly biotches and just when it was understood satan reared her ugly head. Johnny Hollywood was again bieng manipulated the puppet masters making no sense in direction, just random attacks at sainity coupled with random biotchings to soundtrack the insanity. Johnny Hollywood was even more censorpissed when the new director said "The script is supposed to suck as an non-art of art protest against sell outs until they pay". "Contradiction" Said the girl who asked to be wrote in."Your homeless Johnny Hollytard, you can't afford imaginary fans even if they are invisible and you talk of underground, Do you know what it costs to insure imaginary invisible fans Johnny Hollywood" Dr. Gail ,the doctor of love reminded him he was homeless three more times while adjusting her new Kincaid on the freshly painted state funded office wall.Johnny Hollywood dug thru Dr. Gails garbage can ,looking for alumimun cans. Shure Johnny F. N. Hollywood had more fans coming, but for no reason. I mean,"He was a lousy landscaper,a shitty guitar player,He was'nt even a plumber." the crowd heckled.The wiccan tree people did well,because they could live in the trees with that crazy tree magic ,but the others were just as homeless as hopeless Johnny Hollywood and he just kept inviting more groupies to live nowhere. He tried to sleep on the "L" ,but when the train stopped they wanted everyone to wake up,but thats not how JFNH wanted it you see he always wanted to take care of all the fans,like the stories he heard about the Beach boys ,Jan and Dean and the manson family only with out the "pocket full of shells"If jfnhollywood had it his way he would live in space with honeypie, hot hot hot Yoko where he could practice with out bieng interupted or stopped by the music haters .......red dog red dog its going down over.......red dog red dog,its going down over..."Get ten dollars,steal something,Get ten dollars."Said the Voices in the Crackwhores head."Freebird Freebird! Freebird Freebird!Reverb Reverb! Reverb Reverb!"Said her cellmate for the week,After a few drinks,Johnny Hollwood told his little honey He was thinking about her on every level of his brain.The next morning the Union of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia had the front of the Johnny Hollywood brain on three different screens.Covering each level.The fastest Yoko around, I mean its a hundred miles an hour if its anything, could now see JFNH's thoughts were scrambled. He had no where to go and stuck the barrel to his brain and pulled the trigger.The End."Zip guns are'nt zip guns when you make them outta colverts Johnny Hollywood"said Sweet Doctor Gail trying to hide the fact that Johnny Hollywood had angered the whorecops to the point where they were mad but not enough to would've or could have blow thier cover in the covert operation and ongoing investigation on and about the code name "Cat Box"."Biotch biotch biotch,I'm dead and I still gotta listen to you biotch" Johnny F.N. Hollywood said on just another easter morning in may."Nice body To bad about the face" the navigational system went off "Down boy" Said JfnH's brain"Good night Johnboy" said the Bertha meds."generic barbies are real?" asked the lords overlysaturaited sanitary napkin.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 9:44 AM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood woke up and took a piss.Only then was the new security system installed so that ghosts would not be able to sleep with him anymore.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 9:37 AM 0 comments

"Upon further inspection,it is plain to see that this girl is not albino " Doctor Catsburger announced.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 9:34 AM 0 comments

"Meant for each other" The bertha medicatcion had no refill,but before the bottle became completely empty."What is this a morman candle party?"was that the devil?Like a ho needs a pimp the sloppy seconds libarian with vericose neck veins and crack sores all over her face caught the bouquet and the world did'nt stop.There was no one song to tie the broken hearts together and the hitmen and cleaners look just like the police,clean the walls with blood.No one boiled water,no one tore up sheets,no one sent out invitations to the bridal shower and all the gifts were garbage picked from the dumpster she was born in or else they were shop lifted by non-violent welfare recieptiants.Miss pussyspank marched by with a sign protesting the furless crop circles in the heffers rust hole ka-douche drainage system with less than oridianary horticulture "Nuke plants help them hillbillies brains work fast"said the most annoying voice "ka-douche"she had nothing good hid in her shirt and the barrel of her gun needed cleaning.Sweet bertha fluffed her wings and climbed down off the air conditioned John Deere tractor with the Earl is in the trunk" bumper stickers on the back of it and squatted over the ground hog hole and shit out a crack babie on welfare."I'll be by your side" yelled Sod buster as He came running across the corn field just a little to late, yes he had a nice hub cap to catch it in! yes he was late because it took him to long to steal a nice enough hubcap for the rusted coat hanger abortion south side baby jesus to land in,And yes the town elders thought that to be grand of him "Sodbuster" to support Bertha in between those monthly welfare checks and after those long nights of ho'in for rock, whose kids are they anyway Bertha even questioned."The State's!" said the nicest caseworker you ever hoped to see."Underwater welding? Can't ya all just braze these four coat hangers together in case its twin crackbabies on welfare?"Asked the whorecop undercover angel as she hid behind the door frame peaking around slowly with her bed pan drawn and ready,wearing rubber gloves she tossed her police issue pony tail,just another badge number with a nice dental plan. laying in a river of puke and the stench of leaking pissbags the troll that lives under the house with the malfunctioning hard drive for a melted brain,never thought of clicking her censorshit covered spurs and heels together.Inside the Musuem of Cat Box History they studied the beginning of the Cat Box time line,and he learned to wipe the rim of the toilet afterwards so she would shut the censorfuck up but he still would'nt fetch no tampoons from the liquor store when she had a request. "No muss no fuss Cat Box abortions" said the license plate on the mobile Cat Box time machine.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:40 AM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood woke up in the morning and took a piss.He was still wearing his "Official Albino Sniffer" Tee shirt."You Truely Are An S.G.electric Smooth curves beautifully rounded devil horns "Seizure Chords said to the Heavens ,hoping they would take a message for MuffMuffThe scene opens with Johnny "Albino Sniffer" Hollywood telling a girl of great cakes magnitude and art,that he "Was not using other womens for inspiration".The scene closes with Johnny Albino Sniffer Hollywood telling a girl of great cakes magnitude and art,that he "Was not using other womens for i nspiration".Johnny Albino Sniffer Hollywood showed up late for band pratice for the third time in a row with a note from his Crackwhore stating.... "Please excuse Johnny Albino Sniffer Hollywood from band practice today, because he was up all night smoking space with me, Thanks Again.Johnny Albino Sniffer Hollywoods favorite microchipped crack whore."You expect us to belive this is real?, it says Johnny Albino Sniffer Hollywoods favorite microchipped crack whore?Ha Ha how stupid do you think we are?If this document was even slightly real it would be noterized and the signature would say Johnny Albino Sniffer Hollywoods favorite government issue microchipped Crackwhore, Get the censorfuck outta here !"Said last seasons "Opie"into the open mic then he followed it with "Where are the Who-er's."Johnny Hollywoods award winning landscaper was then quick to point out that the document had indeed been noterized with Johnny Hollywoods picking hands thumbprint of weed resin in the middle of the page and again at the bottom.Johnny Hollywood sat in the penalty box for what seemed like a life time he got caught double checking his microchipped government issue crack whore in an open atmosphere. All he really knew was that he was WRONG.It was no easy task loving an actress.To make the time pass he sung prison and work songs.The body guards were under strick instruction with no variables.It was a standard the biotch would have to meet or beat.Nothing less than Jessica could cross the line,One did almost slide thru, because when you looked at her really very, very again, to the ten power nice ass, You would and could easily think she was in fact Jessica ,but even after untold amounts ofbeer-sch Her face was indeed not the answer, but that was only because Yoko's spy girl was scoping on the entire scene ready to report back the secondary attemptage.While and when it was without, the standard may change enough for a Buttercups ate up with large ugliness to the point that she may think she could get with our Hero who was then thinking suicide and masterbation would have to be a better Soulmateski now that life had took a turn for the dark edge of the runway.The courtroom was so far away on the left side of the brain while on the right side of the brain there was the two usual signals at all times the first one had curly hair and the second constant thought pattern was an adventure where the bottom line was that Johnny F.N.Hollywood was ready to legally change his name to "Johnny Albino Sniffer Hollywood". Johnny Hollywoods brain edited itself just like he programmed it to do,but got locked up when it came to a fork in the road with the memory file playback repeating,"Thats why I love You" Johnny Hollywood said with no ideal what he was talking about."The replay button must be stuck"He thought on the second level undetected by any and all thought monitors out today."Higher Math"The base station shut down both the government issue crack whores brain and Johnny Hollywoods.The thought monitor and recievers froze and Johnny Hollywoods brains computer backed up to last night when he looked across the bar.The only thing the screen now said was "Theres a blonde at two O'Clock and shes a ten but its only one fifteen a.m ."Johnny F.N.Hollywood double checked the government issue crack whore and drew her attention,looking into her camera eye lens he told her he loved her.She knew he did,he nibbled her lobes and distracted her so as he could access her brains computer port.Once inside the government issue crack whores minds vast computer port that was simutainously recieving thought signals from him he disconnected the direct soulmate line and searched her memory files for the imformation...search results for "immune system failure + a cheap medication to make the transition easier how to TURN dog urine as a gas,lung conversion rejection,inhalation of dog urine modified oxygen" he typed into her electronic brain. red flags went up everywhere and the base station tried to shut down the government issue crack whores computer brain and when Johnny Hollywood stopped it in its tracks the base station then tried to make the government issue crack whores brain seduce Johnny Hollywood."Don't you love skinny no ass bitches Johnny Hollywood?" the government issue crack whores brain asked."You know I do" Said Johnny Hollywood "but we have got to come up with a plan to convert our lungs from breathing air to dog piss as a gas just in case there is a war and there is a shortage of coffee,And You try to live with crazy people" "Your just trying to confuse me Johnny Hollywood"said the infamous crack whore of lily white beauty.Johnny Hollywood was confused himself,He loved Blonde and that would be the one thing that would stop him and his expiramental inventions.Johnny Hollywood looked right into the eyes of the fat ugly bitch and said "I like skinny no ass bitches"it was art it is art it is all there is.Sezure Chords sang the Rat Acid song with great feeling."A hundred pound actress,a ten in the light, all worn out on this dead life,gestpo tactics free and elude, gestpo tactics free and elude ,gestpo tactics free and elude....Jesus gots a law suit....arrest me arrest yourself,digging on a book about self help,church monkey church shoes,newly wired church shoes........gestpo tactics free and elude ,gestpo tactics free and elude gestpo tactics free and elude,jesus gots a law suit"Johnny Hollywoods award winning landscaper "Harpo" turned the tape off and removed it from the tape player and put it in her pocket to trade with later."You can not sue Ellen Degeneris for stealing your jokes Johnny Hollywood,and if you could what would you get? She has everything tied up in a trust fund for the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union to get thier paws on and you have been beating a dead horse already in your daily battles against the aforementioned C.T.L.M.U. Just what does she have that you think your going to get thru litigation,Johnny Fucked Up Hollywood? JUST TELL ME THAT."Dr.Gail went on and on."Well, shes got Paula Abdual" Johnny Hollywood said slowly."Yeah but shes old and nasty now Johnny,forget about it" Said Gail in her Travolita impressionist tone.Johnny F.N.Hollywood's award winning landscaper and Harpo Marx look alike stood up and said "In Johnny Hollywoods defense I would like to point out that he DOES NOT battle the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union on a daily basis and as a matter of fact he is an honary member of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union,And in addition to that fact where did you think Mr. Hollywoods upcoming wedding reception party was going to be located? Yep, he already has a deposit up to reserve the C.T.L.M.U. bingo hall for the hootenany festivities,now all he has to do is find a honeypie who is hot hot hot but yet crazy enough to say "I DO" when it comes to the legalization of the rusty chain attachment""And thats why we are here today folks,Our intrest lies in the legalization alright, the legalization of hemp and all hemp products and in the old days our countries forefounders used to use hemp to feed the war horses during the times of war and my daddy used to even feed it to his horse" Said Johnny Hollywood."I wish I was a horse" said Bertha Mae "I thought you look more like Carmen Diaz" Said Johnny Hollywoods psychcotheriapist as she winked at the original Bertha."Watch shes going to say "These puppies are real next,they all do"Harpo Marx whispered into Johnny Hollywoods ear."Get off me,theres hot bitches at twelve O'Clock" Said Johnny Hollywood trying to move away from the dirty immergrant pezzant.Enter Special K with the cart of Bertha Medication"Say AHHH, Johnny" she said as she pulled the trigger twice dosing Johnny into the Special K zone."Special Kaaaaatttt" Johnny Hollywood snored.Johnny Hollywood drank from the bottle and left this message in the heavens for Sweet Berthas Great big Ass."A half ass decoloration of love""Yes the leading lady is everything to me and the generic stunt doubles are in the way."get off the cat walk generic stunt doubles I repeat get off the cat walk generic stunt doubles,this is not a drill"The stage almost naked,your love dat efakefatesnowflakeswakeandbakeanything but can not be replaced uh huhbut I knew it was youthe script a bore only because I wrote it to befeeling I know what the censorfuck I'm doing I'm gonna end up with you if it takes to long I'll be there.we don't need to define apathy here,My love a constant.today we passed thru the crossroads where I first told you I love you and still I had the same thought the same feeling words are words except for the character transistion you under go you love me you hate me you are under my direction I am under your spell that means nothing?that means everything every word I ever read was a path to you."Johnny Hollywood read from the napkin into the microphone andThe live poetry reading began with"The Cattle Prod Decendents of the disgusting Lord Christ A Motzaball Sundae"You don't look like the drawing of yourself on the front page.Germ sausage of emotionless air windtunnel toto moisture inhalation of the animal urination I made you fat with need disolves the voicebox a lyrical stench a rough cure happiness tomorrow wheeze down the stench linedance country puke pile."Every room wired energy wasted on.As soon as Johnny Hollywood noticed that his evil X wife had the reins of the "Acidic Rodent" cult and had possesion of one high tempature hillbilly too,he aknowleged there was indeed a problem. Her and Yoko could have the band for all he cared as long as he got to keep the Mars Hall and still sleep with his guitard."But why does she get to keep the hillbilly?" Johnny F N Hollywood asked.This obviously was no ordinary hillbilly.But bieng a man J.F.N.Hollywood was still wrong.So in a drunken stupior Johnny Hollywood tried to write a nice song for the hillbilly who done got gone, not knowing that she had went over to the townhall and applied for squatters rights to do her hillbilly like homesteading a midst the secret Johnny Hollywood bomb shelter."Them cameras everywhere is using up batteries and electicity" Said Johnny Hollywoods personal shopper/baglady the ghost of "Black Betty" who he found at the shelter.The whorecops tried to pull the puppet strings.although they were not barbed wire Johnny Hollywood could feel thier presence.It was a day to be repressed if there was truely no god why has'nt anyone proved it many Yoko's ago.Shure someone needed to take the wheel so Johnny Hollywood could party and take time to stop and smell the crack whores because life is short."All I want is a nice bunny hop lap dance" Said Johnny Hollywood.Maybe Johnny Hollywoods agent could stop "barbie cueing" long enough to take him back down to the welfare office and he could select a nice generic bleach blonde with a crackbabie to feed or a couple of midget landscapers to be hoot hoot girls.but today there was death on the schedule.someone must put shitlegs in the bottom of the river.someone must make the almighty sacrafice.someone had to play god someone had to do the right thing.someone had to move the family out of the pile of shit god delt them for a playing hand"Your going to need weights,Johnny Hollywood" said Harpo Marx, Johnny Hollywoods award winning landscaper from a very respectable mail order bride outfit that supplied most of the Hollywood estates staff."Everybody calls her Harpo Marx,'cause thats who she looks like" Said Special K the "Marsha Brady" look alike/onboard nurse."The microburst sky opens the emptiness,bolts of electricity slice through the midnight cloak...staining the heavens with anger destorying what has been killing life in its way...no heart could beat forever,there is no song that can hold you"Said the CatBox Poet.Johnny F.N.Hollywood was securely held in place, as Dr. Gail Tried to reason with him,the lovely nurse vixon "Special K" shot the Bertha medicatcion into J.F.N.H.'s heart or where his heart would be if he had one,and the original Bertha herself pushed the button sending the extremely high voltage throughout Johnny Hollywoods body.Johnny Hollywood yelled and cussed the C.T.L.M.U. as he kicked and jerked and shook his head violently."What the fuck is wrong with him? Why won't he just accept delieverly?" asked the postal worker as she looked down at her uzi hoping to use it."He's a stubron ass" Said Special K as she double dosed him again and then blinded him with her glittering sweaty clevage.Bertha Mae shocked J.F.N.H. once again and said "You ordered a generic bleach blonde you son of a censorbiotch now deal with it.""He hates the name "Kim" and won't have anything to do with any biotch named "Kim" unless shes a doctor or something" Said Harpo Marx,Johnny F.N.Hollywoods award winning landscaper."You should just let him smell her or something"Said the postal worker looking at her watch.After a while Johnny Hollywood chilled out some and the let "Kim" into the labatory, Johnny Fuckin' Hollywood seen her and said "Jessica!!!""No, Johnny,its "Kim"." Said Bertha."Shut up biotch....Sign here Johnny Hollywood" said the postal worker in somewhat of a hurry. Johnny Hollywoods navigational system kicked in,and he soon forgot tomorrow and he forgot about yesterday as he signed Bon Scott's name on the paper.The live poetry reading on the subway train began with Johnny Hollywood high on the milk of Crackwhore speaking to the crowd as he passes a makeshift hat made out of a Volkswagon hubcap."Love,Greed,Inspiration,Breathe"When I look into your eyes I see where I want to be,wrapped so far inside your heartclose to the heat the dream a pain like needseeds of life ask not direction,like leaves turn,a jagged minute hand asks only one thing of me.Where will I hide your heart so I am the life it bleeds "Johnny Hollywood was thrown off the subway train at the Chinatown stop with his pockets turned inside out.He thought about the angel at the cross roads"Whom ever has a bunny tail hot as the "L" trains third rail""You are lame and corny "said Bertha as she drove her air conditioned John Deere tractor over his heart.Dr. Gail had Johnny F.N.Hollywoods brain out and on the table again for the second time in eight daysthe microchip made out of Gibson brand guitat partswas not the problem as she first expected it to be.She did detect another unauthorized thought signal transmitter that was sending a duplicate copy of his every thought to who ever was on that frequency but it was not causing the problem either.Somehow he down loaded a virus into the hard drive in his brains computer and it was networking additional virus' from the government issue crack whores brains computer too.When she did get Johnny F.N.Hollywoods brain to go solo again the only thought that would register was "BLOND" and after Dr. Gail took his brain out three more times that night it had not changed so she tossed it in the shitcan and called it a day.Later that night the team of illegal alien janitors came in and one of them found the brain of Johnny Francis Nicolas Hollywood and took it home and sent it back to the mother country of Janitorism where his family cooked it up like it was a nice corned beef and later they shit J.F.N.H.'s brain out into a big vase and J.F.N.H.'s brain grew back together molded together like a bonding as stong as our love then the GPS kicked in and the government could track it and sent some recuriut over to fetch it and then with a court order they made Dr. Gail put Johnny's brain right back in where it belong."Was it like heaven,Johnny Hollywood,or was it like bieng in a comma?"Special "K" asked."Thats an out and out lie,Satan is not a blonde" Johnny Hollywood preached to the past.Johnny Loserfuck Censorshit Hollywood made a effortless attempt to become a real official like Taxi driver he rented the classic denero movie and imagined Miss 2002 to be his betsy but denero did'nt have any salad dressing on the market so there was no punch line there."I gotta be real" Said J.F.N.H.and tried not to get anywhere near soap and water for thirty-one days and nights but on the third day the Crackwhore crust became a problem and like Snookums once told him to do..He jumped into the cat box river to try and get a rinse cycle going."I can see long blonde hair and a nice bunny tail"Johnny Hollywoods brain erupted."The special milk of Crackwhore for the coffee,not just in the morning"? Thats what you want to name the boat?" asked the sign painter who was still half drunk from the night before.Johnny Hollywood looked down at the ground and tried to figure out why his very favorite high class girl friend was mad that he wanted to marry a crack whore and when he told her she could choose which crack whore he married she got even madder.Johnny Hollywood woke up and the instructor was handing him a note to see the career consoler ,He waited in the office bored out of his mind. The clock slowly moved finally the wonderful bearer of good news called Johnny F.N.Hollywood in to the office"What do you like,Johnny Hollywood?" she asked."I like blondes mostly sometimes bleach blondes"Said Johnny FN Fasterski in a flash."well it looks like the only thing we got for you in that deptment,Johnny F.N.Hollywood would have to be Taxi driver, but since you bathe more than once a day and the prerequeistite for that job is that you do not bathe more than once every thirty days and you don't wear a towel on your head,and you still would have to gain two hundred pounds,but you do get to meet women and the good news is that women don't give a rats ass how ugly dude is as long as they get something outta the deal" said the libiarian looking career consoler."But I don't know how to spell,I mean when and how often do I get to play the guitar?" Asked Johnny Hollywood with great concern."No,theres no more guitar Johnny F.N.Hollywood and no more partying with your friends you must now put your nose to the grind stone.You asked a whacked god for a blonde or bleach blonde or red head or a girl that looks like Muff Muff and God hooked you up bro, now you might have to work the french fry machine to pay the bills but you'll meet lotsa landscaping ladies that you like so much if you want entertainment pretend the grease pit is a mosh pit."Johnny Hollywood dozed back off into the twight zone,he could see long blonde hair he could see bunny ears he did'nt need the world around him.He was falling hundreds of feet SLAMMMMMM he hit the pavement."Have you choosen which Crackwhore your going to marry" asked the enemy and lifetime sabatour."Which ever one gets Cupcake the most-est jealose" J.F.N.H. said in his sleep while standing at attention"Dismissed" said the joke of a consoler who harbors great mental conditions in the corners of her tard drive.Johnny F.N.Hollywood went right home and piled all of his guitars in a haphazzard pile and started the bon fire"Six strings or Blonde hair Johnny Hollywood asked the mirror as he felt a tug on the puppet strings like he was catching something a nibble a bite just a little more.Johnny F.N.Hollywood failed all of todays tests on purpose because he had doubt life would become better if he told them what they wanted to hear."Thats just laziness" he could hear from the distance.Johnny Hollywood could see the crossroads in the distance and he could see Satans red hair shining in the sun on the other side of the intersection he knew he would arrive at the crossroads before she would and he could see that she did not see him coming.When Satan got to where Johnny Hollywood was standing she did'nt wanna kick it with J.F.N.H. for to long and acted as if he was stalking her sweet ass,which was a bogus call because he stopped stalking her a very long time before now and it was just fate that brought them both to the same crossroads at the same time and all this hype was brought to the script by the second guitar player who never brings anything else to the table as it were."All I ever wanted was to count your freckles."Johnny Hollywood said from inside the hole he crawled into to pray to die."I don't know how you got Miss 2002 to play the role of Satan, Johnny" said "Red Dog" the red and white generic strat-o-crapster that Johnny F.N.Hollywood never played anymore.The voices echoed from the blonde heavens.Johnny was wrong and he was still wrong.Johnny Hollywood went to the crossroads and the devil was already there waiting. "I need a blood red Gibson S.G." Johnny F.N.Hollywood told Satan as he looked into her Hazel eyes."Your on the shitlist Johnny" The devil replied.The trees in the garden rustled with the serpents "I don't care,I dig pregenant chicks too." Johnny hollyweird said as he left the crossroads.Johnny F.N. Hollywood had to sit and listen to the same old obligatory "Magic is nothing to play with" speech and then the old gypsy biotch told J.F.N.H. that he had made a big mistake in the wording of the spell by saying forever or some variation of it.Then the severe biotchings took a turn towards "You can't just call the escort service and have them send out an anerexic no ass blonde spell editor because they most certianly will be out of stock".Johnny Hollywood looked both ways for any sign of the girl He has the very potent love spell on and after He scanned the entire room for bugs,cameras,transmitting and recording devices he then said,"I'm sorry,but when a hot blonde does a little bunny hop for me when I ask her if she knows how to tighten up lugnuts I am somehow moved towards love lust and lunch."Johnny F.N.Hollywood got on the train and went three cars south to the far end of the third train car,where in the last seat on the left was the wrong red head he sat across from her not knowing the lovely freckled contestant was not you since you are only words and he read to her aloud...""Words Wasted On the Wrong Heart"I only have your words never a vision to connect the soul with all the time in the worldhow could I have known looking into the wrong eyes until your mind lets us go.words."She looked at J.F.N.H. like he was crazy and he knew he was born wrong.The live poetry reading on the way to the crackhouse began as Johnny Hollywood assumed the role of the crackwhore poet."Crack Whore Sprinkled With Rose Pedals"Crackwhore sprinkled with rose pedals hide your needles in the sun rusty coat hanger abortions sell everything you love Crackwhore sprinkled with rose pedals almost as pretty as a gun its nothing betadyne won't cure and your my only one,Crackwhore sprinkled with rose pedals the cat box surprise of love nothing in this worlds gonna save us,when not even you give a censorfuck ."The endless well of Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union Leader songs was running dry as the fire was burning out,the night turned cold and the wolves in the distance seemed closer.Johnny F.N.Hollywood had to lay low and work on project Cat Box.Somewhere that the opposing bands could not find.He was so paranoid that he would not even consider "Opie" bieng the bass player again because of the connection with the second guitar players solo experiment and J.F.N.Hollywood was not going to join another band.It was begining to look like the ghost of his brother was'nt going to show. "So whos going to play bass" Satan asked the age old question.Johnny Hollywood did'nt really care at that point with his only thought process bieng the hottest Yoko ever,to the point of giving her power of attorney with the decsions concerning his life sorta without actually legally giving her power of attorney."So your just stringing her along with more of your lies?" Said Dr.Gail trying to start more shit because She was secretly hot for J.F.N.H. and was his first Girlfriend in Kindergarden but he did'nt know and she did,so the entire time he was paying for marriage consoling and was'nt even married she was trying to abort every booty call mission Johnny F.N.Hollywood began.Yeah she was trying to censorfuck it all up for Johnny Hollywood alright.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:42 AM 0 comments

Bertha planned to pimp Johnny Hollywood out to the masses and after an eighteen coarse meal she called up the newspaper,the cable ad channel & the yellow pages to place an ad for the rich censorfucks in an undisclosed location with money falling out of thier censorasses to have thier toilets cleaned by the world reknowned American Poet Johnny Hollywood.But not one of them within seventy miles would let another ad run from J.F.N.H's phone number until someone payed for the massive media strike of "The Search for J.F.N.H.'s all time favorite crack whore.Bertha was so mad she was drooling and foaming yet again and that was before she found out about the secret Johnny Hollywood lyrics to his wonderful little song "I Shoulda Been A Landscaper".The Mayor took the tape of Johnny Hollywood cleaning behind his toilet and threw it across the room at the wall before it splintered and the tape went everywhere"He's just mad 'cause Johnny Hollywood looked at his 'ol lady" Said Harpo Marx(the big kuhna of the ladies landscaping industry}."Get that peasant outta here" The Mayor said rasing his voice slightly.The attorney for the state walked over in front of the jury and looked at each one of them and then stuck out his tongue and said "Pfffft" as Johnny Hollywood franticly called his Yoko to see which guitar he should play to day if it was'nt a full moon any more.The cat box opened up to reveal the bottomless pit of hell and the sea of your mothers faces bitched and complained until the devil closed the bottomless pit for the season."This may have been the work of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union but Johnny Hollywood is still responsible" The cross threaded Lesbian Mafia Union leader {fresh back from the Califorina gold rush} told Jurior number six as she handed him a bottle of vodkaand a handful of the little dogs ashes.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:28 AM 0 comments

Berthas Mother ripped the phone off the wall and yelled "Lap dancing maids who take it up the yen yang catching collective combonation's of STD's".Johnny Hollywood called up the same escort service that always hangs up on him when he asks them to send out a anerexic blonde and asked the service to send out a nice generic barbie to clean up & throw away any pornograghic material that might be at the Hollywood estate so that Johnny Hollywood would not catch Hiv or aids from the XXX rated crap.and then using baby shampoo he washed his eyes out from looking at the dirty filty AOL screen to read about the sinners.Then he did a great big line off the neighbors ass instead of a strippers just to be on the safe side.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:55 AM 0 comments

It is blues within my soul, a hundred miles an hour.Sprinkled no,oversaturated with the Johnny B. Goode lick,until one string solos steal away from the confining rut of the same key solos as the barbed wire strings cry freedom rusts.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:52 AM 0 comments

Underneath the balcony Seizure Chords spoke these words."The cameras, the money the other empty souls,easily replaced when nothing holds value.While nowhere is love,there is no heart to waste.Tests inside of tests each one a lie with no meaning to us I could win this if I cared enough to I've already traded away the answers and lost my heart to you"
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:47 AM 0 comments

The peace garden bass leaned against the wall with parts missing.Duct tape held the pick ups in place.The covers on the back of the body of the guitar missing, the baby mice lived in the nest in the rat holes in the guitar.They fell out of the rat hole nest into the floor and stumbled around like they were drunk with thier eyes closed.Johnny F.N.Hollywood !Johnny F.N.Hollywood!Johnny F.N.Hollywood!AND HE SAYETH UNTO THEE"It looks like they're on Acid"The baby mice eventually lived and played under Johnny Hollywoods fathers bed where Johnny Hollywoods father kept his false teeth.Sweet bertha barked in the distance,Johnny Hollywood and the ghost of his dead brother "Laser" sat and admired Dr. Gail's art collection as she babbled on about the word she heard was "RAT ACID" the band got its name from the time Johnny Hollywood and the ghost of his dead brother were walking thru the peace garden off Lake Shore Drive and there was a shopping cart with the Les Paul copy sticking out,Sunburst and missing parts and as Johnny Hollywood walked by singing,God did tell him to recieve from the heavens thee guitar we all know today as the Peace Garden Bass out of the homeless persons cart as the homeless person was sleepy night nights. Johnny F.N.Hollywood then went to the pawn shop and paid two hundred and eighty dollars for a nineteen seventy one generic Gibson brand Les Paul studio type guitar and removed the neck for the aforementioned Peace Garden Bass.Stuck it on that doggy, but the action was so high it was like a banjo and "LASER"did say it was like telephone poles with the lines so high, but if you can play this think how good you can play a nice one and it was true, any decent guitar was so much easier to play.Out of love he gave the peace garden bass slightly altered to Laser."Rock You"Laser splentered the Peace Garden Bass later during one of his guitar infintry drills and upon Lasers death Hollywoods Johnny did take back possesion of both the Gibson neck and the peace garden bass Laser B the B bieng for Bass once owned. Johnny hollywood burnt the body of the bass with other nice bodies of guitars during the christening of his cross.The question is...Is it your hair upon Johnny Hollywoods cross?
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:37 AM 0 comments

rats on acid seizure chords said as he pissed into the enlongated cat box,here kitty kitty kitty
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:34 AM 0 comments

Johhny F.N.Hollywood was drunk as a dog when he pissed in Dr. Gail's pool."For I am without remorse." He said.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:34 AM 0 comments

The puppet masters were having a high time puppeteering the whole day thru not paying attention to much else just manipulate the puppet manipulate the puppet,it was just another day on the little card board box stage,And Johnny Hollywood played along fine not looking left or right but in the back of the microchipped mind he knew what he had to do other than the spactacular muff muff.He had to take out the telecrapper geetard with one, no three blows to the concrete he would finish it as a sacrafice unto the goddess the highest angel from the nearest crossroads.The crackwhoremilk yellow cheese grater's days were now numbered it was on death role, the next to expire the first to go.Firewood photo op"How will this generic act of rock bordom free you and your soul,Jesus pose loser" The microchipped minds second level asked Johnny F.N. Hollywood not once but twice.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:27 AM 0 comments
Friday, March 18, 2005

Boxcar Jesus made even more twentys.Johnny Hollywood sold him a home made hydroponic ink dispenser and currency washer that he did a couple of crappy tattoos on Rewarta’s big ass and thigh,trying to draw a body sized dragon,It kinda looked like an alligator Box car Jesus made even more twentys.Box car Jesus bought a nice Mobile Home in Alabama with some of the cash for Bertha to live in And he laundered the rest thru the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union’s crooked bingo parties On ladies night and paid off O.S.H.A with some off it.Then he bought an old Cadillac said Snoop De Ville on the side of it and had his worst driver ChauChauffeur leader of the cross threaded lesbian mafiMafiaund in it And made the newly imported team of Russian mail order brides Wash the late model caddy on a rainy dayBox car Jesus made a room full of twentys on his personnel computer,And bet half the room full of twenty dollar bills on the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia football team To Win the game and at the odds He got he was able to buy the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Football team from The Brigadier General in charge of all the Bulldykes in the Tristate area,This lady had shoulder pad implants that costed just under seven grand at the Lake Forest Hospital outpatient building.She was reluctant at first to hand over the title to the entire Union Of Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia, But she lost the bet fair and square to Box Car Jesus and for Christmas He handed them over to Johnny Hollywood So when Johnny Hollywood took Gretchen out to the Olive Garden to eat he acted like he was the coolest guy around,Showing off letting her use the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia's Defensive play book as a coaster and other unorthodox methods Of entertainment.Singing a lot of “Pink Floyd" "Money "buy a football team" between pretending like Christina Applegate was calling him,Until Gretchen busted him and told him “Why You stayed with that retarded censorfuck,I’ll never understand that.”Johnny Hollywood was having a great time with Gretchen the Magic moist Redhead.He just could’nt hear anything She said to him because he was concentrating on how good she looked at any given time.“You’ld think they could tip more than that”said Suzie Wongski their waitress as they left.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:01 AM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood bought four landscaping midgets from the local pizza place and showed them the kitchen,Never before had they seen the new things J.F.N.H. had in his modern double wide trailer home located right there in the middle of the Jerry Springer Estates Trailer Park.Johnny Hollywood and some dirty landscaping illegal alien with dental insurance took turns showing the others a new invention called the refrigerator and something called hot water,they loved it and they loved Johnny Hollywood for it.Shit bag showed up at the door of Johnny Hollywood's house boat with a wilted dandelion in her hand and cracksores on her face,You could connect the cracksore dots and it would spell out the word "Dufas".
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:17 AM 0 comments

"The Adventures of Johnny Hollywood"
"The Adventures of Johnny Hollywood"Johnny Hollywood took his Gibson S.G. guitar to the gynecologist to have the pregnancy test done real official like while Bertha Mae was still out working the fields."Johnny Hollywood, I'm so proud of you being published three times in the NORML newsletter in the last three years. this calls for a celebration" said Gretchen as she massaged his fretting hand."Yeah, lets me and you go down to 'bamy and visit the real crossroads like I have always wanted to. He told the sweet red head."But you know nobody knows exactly where they are,Johnny Its all myth and stories" Said Gretchen as she loaded the Milk of Crackwhore Bong.Bertha Mae came back from the fields ready to kill."Where them Checkoslobvodkaian biotchs go" Sweet Bertha asked the Harpo Marx impersonator that was digging in the Gretchens Garden."Its the party on you pool" The dirty landscaper told the cute lady with a shotgun. Bertha Mae found last weeks mail order Russians lounging by the pool with all the rest of the hired help."What the censorfuck did you add them to the cart for if they ain't even got enough sense to milk a damn cow" Bertha bellowed at the crowd.8 am. Johnny Hollywood called around trying to find a therapist who could see him and Dr.Gail sometime this week.Noon Johnny Hollywood went down to the Welfare Officia and hung out in front of the building trying to pick up a nice lady to take to the bingo party tonight.Shitbag Shirley stole every holiday from Johnny Hollywood then the season Summer and now his Birthday.Shitbag Shirley wrote love letters filled with bad poetry to Johnny Hollywood everyday for three weeks begging him to take her back.HAHAJohnny Hollywood went down to the welfare office to drink and find a new mom for the kids He found them a nice one,She weighed in at four hundred and thirty-seven pounds and Johnny FNH could eat for two days just on the chicken he found stuck in her rolls of fat.He knew this was soulmate material right off when she offered to buy Johnny Hollywood.A new fender guitar with her welfare check this month and just feed her four kids by five different Daddies margarine sticks and ketchup soup.She even scored big one night and brought home enough mustard packets to make mustard soup for a change.Living Large!
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 5:58 AM 0 comments
Thursday, March 17, 2005

“You bastard,Johnny!!” shouted Bertha as she did lawn jobs on the front five acres of the Hollywood estate with her air conditioned John Deere tractor that now had five bumper stickers that said “Earl is in the trunk.”Johnny woke up in a broken lawn chair in Dr.Gails office Today for show and tell he brought more garbage he bought on ebay With the twentys Boxcar jesus made This time it was the bunny ears once worn by Sandra Bullock. Dr.Gail wore them proudlyWith the ears shaped like an “L”Gail seemed distant during tonights visit.Could it have been that fact that she was making light of Johnny Hollywood on the cell phone with her girl friends during most of the session.Johnny Hollywood was now glad he was also paying for all of the consoling with sweet Dr. Gail with the funny money twenties.Johnny Hollywood laughed as he snorted the finely chopped peanut shells Off of Dr. Gails oddly shaped big ass as some sort of therapy.“Come on everybody get in the plane” said Hollywood Johnny to his wife,doctor,nurse,personell shopper, stalker,new drunken director ,accountant,upstairs maid and fiancee “We are flying to Maine the eastern seaboard to cure Dr. Gails problem”Hollywood Johnny told the crew.Little did they know Johnny Hollywood was really going to fly over to Afganistan to make sure The war was won the right way and bring back some of the secret donut reciepes.Johnny Hollywood woke up in a box in the alley behind an abandon building at 2648 North Clark Street.“How long have you lived here?” asked the Menominee Indian Squall “Kim”the secret welfare agent who was sportin’ a forty and had massive crack sores on her cat box lips.“Why Me?” asked Johnny Hollywood as the squarelly biotch sniffed a rag soaked with paint thinner giving anyone within seventy-five feet a massive headache.JohnnyFNHollywood woke up in a filthy basement apartment at forty sixty Kenmore To the sounds of a fifteen inch rat eating bacon out of the cast iron frying Pan Bertha once used to smack the daylights out of Johnny Hollywood For praticing the minor pentatonic scale for four days straight “nonstop”She claimed. Johnny F'er Faster went out and bought a nineteen-sixty eight Ford Mustang With the New twenties “It was nice dark green with gold metallic specklesTo bad it was a six cylinder” Said Bubbles.“Was you talking about Dubs,Yo?” asked Natalie.As she directed the Bait and Switch Mail Order Brides out to the barn to help Bertha milk the cows.“I’m a corn fed girl” Bertha told the ruskis“ya all s’pose to be wearin’ overalls not disco dance clothes”She warned them. Hollywoods Johnny woke up in sweet Doctor Gails office ,another boring tape of family affair was Playing on the vcr.“Look Dr. Gail,I’m seeing Dr.Karen Cervenka now.” Johnny Hollywoodski told Doctor Gail.Johnny Hollywood and Boxcar Jesus Only went to the AA meeting to met some of the upper class ladies of libertyvilleThat evening.Johnny Hollywood showed up at the awards banquit drunk as a dog ,he staggered out of the limo and fell on his face his "new special friend" helped him back up and he puked on the red carpet before he made it in the door"Is this your wife?" asked Berthas mother as she handed him a couple of champagne glasses"No I found her holding a road sign on the expressway on the way over here" Johnny Hollywood told Berthas Momma before he threw up on her dress in the middle of Doc Gails office Johnny Hollywood layed on the plastic twister mat as his little Yoko walked on his back"Are'nt you going to tell her what happened to the second guitar player,JohnnyFN Hollywoods?" His little Yoko asked."He sucked real bad?" Johnny Hollywood asked.Dr. Gail did'nt even notice there was a world around her she just kept on painting the cermaic litehouse chess pieces by hand."Is this what you pay for,Johnny Hollywood?" asked his little Yoko."Usally we watch "Family Affair" Johnny FN H told her.Doctor Gail told Johnny Hollywood she wanted to see him and the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia at the next session.So Johnny Hollywood told the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia to be there and then he never showed, luckly no one ever missed him but he still was billed for that appointment.Johnny Hollywood spit the seafood out across the table."Whats the matter,Johnny don't you like the dinner I made you?" asked Johnnys little Yoko. "Did you cook Dolphin again?,You made me more dolphin? You know I hate dolphin,you stupid little yoko biotch"Johnny Hollywoods Yelled Chauvinisticlly. J.F.N.H.'s little Yoko began to cry. Just then the entire deck was sprayed with bullets Sweet Bertha was back and she was censorpissed"I work my ass off at the fillin' station while you eat dolphin's with this little ho? You won't even eat the fish sticks I make you and you would'nt even eat my sisters Tuna casserolle,you censorbastard" Shouted Sweet Bertha Spice as she reloaded the automatic weapon."I ate Bettys Tuna casserolle in the back of that silver Camaro" Johnny Hollywood retorted."Now your going to die" Sweet Bertha said as she spit. "Well she asked,I think its the overalls, Betty never wore the overalls and just looked better with the albino white hair and all" Said Johnny Hollywood as he caught a stray bullet in the back.Johnny Hollywood opened the door surprised,it was the Mormons again so he lead them to the pool house where he grew the good stuff and skated a bit and locked them inside, then he signaled the secondary Crackwhore to detinate the explosives."Goodbye mormons." Johnny Hollywood told the wild eyed secondary Crackwhore before He hid undernearth a lawn chair prop hoping she would go away.Olivia looked to damn good sunbathing by the pool behind the main house but Dr.Gail looked looney toons laying out in the miday sun with the answering machine duct taped to her chest.As the rolls pulled up to the Hollywood estate Johnny told Harpo the award winning landscaper to put on some ZZ Top"Nationwide" he shouted.Three russian mail order brides got out of the rolls looking like it was Nineteen Seventy Six again."Whats this Johnny,the remake of Saturday night fever?" asked Johnny Hollywoods personel trainer "Gretchen"."I got them there "Extras" off the ol' shitternetski Johnny Hollywood told her trying not to nibble her ear lobe."We are like to censorfuck,Mr. Johnny" said the Bait and Switch Mail Order Bride with bell bottom floods from hell.."Do you think I have forsaken God?" Johnny Hollywood asked Dr.Gail as she just stared at the piece of helicopter laying in the floor of her office."Dr. Gail,are you listening?" Johnny Hollywood asked her loudly."You really bought this piece of Stevie Ray Vaughns death on ebay,Johnny?" she asked in amazement."Yes,I told you this is a piece of the helicopter that Stevie Ray died in ,up at Alpine Valley" Johnny Hollywood told her yet once again."Well, I'm kind of nervous now about the trip to maine next weekend,I don't think I wanna fly out there." Doctor Gail said."It'll be great,Dr. Gail, We'll fly out there in my leer Jet and you'll finaly get your stockings ripped off in a real light house just like you always wanted" Johnny Hollywood told her a little to excited."Your not going to bring that little blonde with, are you?" Said Doctor Gail showing jealosy"Of coarse,Olivia goes where ever I do,Thats my soulmate" Johnny Hollywood told the doctor with a degree from ha ha ha Aurora.It was forth down and Johnny Hollywood was losing. Thee Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union had thirty seven desiel dykes on the field,they had breast plates of iron and razor blade teeth ,all Johnny had to do was get past them to the high tempature red head.Johnny Hollywood reached the rusted coat hanger into Doctor Gails snatchasorous and pulled the bloody rat like piece of death out into the cruel world and instead of spanking it he put it into time out for infinity.Ever since Johnny Hollywood had killed his mother because she gave away top secret band information to the opposing bands he had been having nightmares about her coming back to haunt him,real weird shit that made Dr.Gail freak out when he told her about it,then when she found out he had recently met Carmen Electras stunt double and was calling her Mama,Dr. Gail was so jealose she made up bogus stories about Johnny Hollyweird ,and in one of Dr. Gails midnight stocking pulling episodes Dr.Gail did start screaming "I hate your Mother,Johnny bastard ass!!" and Johnny Hollywood had no guess as to why she spazzed out like this,but when she started kicking the bondo lose on Olivia's super stretch hoop D, Johnny Hollywood did let her out of the trunk"Your censorfucking up my wifes chili cruiser you dumb biotch he explained to the doctor of lost love as he administered some heavy duty shock treatment on her amazon ass much stronger than the Bertha Meds.As soon as the cross threaded lesbian mafia found out that Johnny Hollywood had bet all of Gretchens tip money on Greenbay they kidnapped the team and put on the jerseys to go play the game,an entire team of imposters battling for the pot of gold .Johnny Hollywood was going to make Gretchen like him even more with via tipskis,The cross threaded lesbian mafia tore the Bears up that sunday afternoon and took both cheerleading teams home to celebrate. During all the football confusion Dr.Gail made her escape and made it back to her office where she had an emergency jar of peanut butter she scrounged down in two minutes flat.Johnny Hollywood bought Candy from a garage sale and then took her back and tried to get a refund."Roxy! Roxy! Sober up baby" Johnny Hollywood said in a panic "The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia have taken my marriage consoler "Doc Gail" hostage,You gotta do something."UHH censorfuck the goofy biotch,I'll kick her ass" Big Roxy slurred."Oh No,not you too? Please tell me The cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia have'nt gotten to you to Big Roxy" Cried Johnny Hollywood. Big Roxy lifted her Harley tee shirt to reveal the purple heart pin that periced her infected censornipple "I won this medal my third week in Union of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia bootcamp" She told Johnny hollywood "I know, I know" Johnny Hollywood said as if he was out of breath.Berthas dog ran away and found its way to the Hollywood mansion, it was puking on Olivia's limos back tire and scratching its censornipples"I think its pregnant" Johnny Hollywood told Big Roxy as she burnt chickens on the grill."You got it the coat a hanger" said the very drunken' Roxy Roxy Bo Boxy then went on to say "I don't censorfucking care dude,look I'm the one should be directing this shit,you'll get laid more,trust me" she said looking and sounding just like "Meatloaf""Theres someone I would like you to meet,Doctor Gail" Said Johnny Hollywood as he pushed open the swinging doors and entered the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union Meeting/bingo party."What the hell is this, Johnny? A bulldyke football team?"Dr.Gail asked. The entire defensive lineup looked at Dr.Gail,You could have heard a pin drop.Johnny Hollywood hid behind the jukebox ,closed his eyes and kissed his ass goodbye."Uh huh,I see Johnny Hollywood,you believe that the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia is trying to get the angel vision you keep seeing ,one "Jessica" obviously a figment of your imagination because noone could look as good as you have decribed her" Said Dr.Gail real pissy and with that Johnny Hollywood and Dr.Gail were wrastling around the office knocking over lawn furniture Johnny FN Hollywood had found in the garbage to cut back on the cost of props.Gretchen gave Johnny Hollywood a series of lap dances as the wind blew her long red hair in his face she whispered into his ear ever so lovingly."I hear your getting five hundred and twenty-five mil Johnny Hollywood"Johnny Hollywood was so confused he did'nt even know what color Corvette would go good with Gretchens long red hair.Gretchen told Johnny to "get rid of the retarded girlfriend ,now so it wont cut into her shopping monies and she wanted to live large like in a high rise and get the hell out of this hillbilly two censorfuck town"Johnny hollywood drooled on her a little bit more and thought about telling all his friends he was SOLID with Gretch. Wake up Johnny Hollywood some Jessica's here to see you" said one of the bulldyke guards as she nailed him back to the cross the light from Jessica's halo blinded Johnny Francis Nicolas Hollywood and he could barely see her wings from up on the cross."Johnny,You have to stop playing the Itsie bitsie spyder solo's" She told him.Johnny Hollywood decieded to wear his guitar night and day which made the stocking ripping sessions with Doctor Gail a bit uncomfortable,but she got used to it."I dont care if you do call me a killer,Johnny. I am getting an abortion" Doctor Gail said almost in tears,As Berthas private investagator burst into the room "Shes playing you Johnny,She is jealose of the guitar.""Your to pretty to cook" Johnny Hollywood told his retarded girlfriend "Shitbag Shirley" as she tried to shit in a Rosatis bag and missed."You know the bathroom is less than ten feet away there, Buttercup,for now on I shall call you shitbag"Johnny Hollywood said sickend.Johnny Hollywood took his sweet attorney and her bastard child out to the Burger King for lunch while the little boy wore the crown hat ,they discussed the 525 million dollar lawsuit Johnny Hollywood had against the file swappers on the "Shitternet" as Johnny called it.Then Johnny Hollywood shaved his retarded girlfriends head, he then could see where the microchip was implanted in her skull and decieded to take matters into his own hands and play government ,he got his retarded girlfriend drunk and she passed out again and this time instead of shaving her head,since that had been done to death and there was'nt even any stuble yet he pryed the microchip out with a screw driver and replaced them with Gibson guitar parts.then he took two real big magnets and stuck them to each side of her head and said the magic words"Please God make her sane"and waited until she woke up bitching to see if she was cured yet.Johnny Hollywood told all of his friends he was a doctor,a doctor of pizza ha ha hahe would say all the time.Since he was now kicking it with Dr. Gail,He considered himself qualified to cure his retarded girlfriend."I will apply for a grant from the United States Government so I can fix you right up as good as new"he told the sick one.The milk of crack whore bongs enhanced the itsie bitsie spyder solos Johnny Hollywood had been working on to the point he began looking for a lard ass bitch on welfare to sponser his guitaring since he was using the wah pedal on the aforementioned solos to much and did'nt have enough brains to use an adapter ."And lets talk about Pizza" Dr. Gail said again as she painted the little light house ceramic chess peices."Yes" Johnny Hollywood said happily"I think that I am obsessed with pizza,Gail you know like you and the light houses or you and the ripping the stockings off thing""Oh don't tease me" said Dr.Gail excitedly as she tackled Johnny Hollywood on the Twister floor mat.Johnny Hollywood knew it was time to introduce Dr. Gail to the Leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia.then maybe they might let him win a round or two at the crooked bingo game hootenany on ladies night.."Sometimes I think my guitar talks to me"Johnny Hollywood said."What have you been smoking? asked Dr.Gail"Well you know I'm a lead vocalist so I don't smoke"Johnny Hollywood told her."Your a Gosh Dogged liar,I seen you snort the finest green buds and red hairs off Oliva's ass Johnny!" Cried Johnnys useless brain doctor"Yes, but thats not smoking is it? Alright I do believe pot should be legalized and I do smoke it,because it helps my Itsie bitsie spyder solos get into the groove" Johnny Hollywood told her as he ripped her stockings off her for the fifteenth time in an hour."Whats this stupid stocking ripping crap do for you anyway ,Dr.Gail" Johnny Hollywood asked her once again."Quit asking me questions,Censor Fucker,what do I look like the shell answer man?" snapped Sweet Doctor Gail.Johnny Hollywood put a candle in the window and waited as long as he could for you,but you were a NO SHOW,and he left not saying where he was going when the moon was full.Johnny Hollywood put his hoster on and got on his horse and rode into the sun towards town to save the sweet school teacher from becoming an old maid,Yes ladies and Gentlemen he was looking for the soul bride his soulmate the love of his life and at the same time he was running away from the complete waste of time named whats her name.Johnny Hollywood checked platform three for The Magic Crackwhores arivial seven times a day for two weeks,she was non-existant."And how do you feel about that,Johnny?" Dr.Gail asked.Johnny Hollywood leaned back in the lawn chair in Dr. Gails office and said "I never in my life could even dream that my guitar would be pregnant,I mean thats kinda strange don't you thinkski?"Doctor Gail straghtened her stockings and winked at Johnny Hollywood.Johnny Hollywood woke up early and shaved his retarded girlfriends head,then snuk out the door and thought to himself"I would and should cut her convertible in half but I already pawned my sawzaw to feed snookumcakes that pizza"and down the road he went the lonesome highway,the open road,freedom,three and a half miles of it,right to gails office where he noticed something for the first time Dr. Gail was a marriage consoler.Johnny Hollywood was'nt married So,why is he going to a marriage consoler anyway.he did'nt know the answer.so into the office he went "Gail,Your just a marriage consolor?" asked Johnny Hollywood. Dr. Gail said"Look Johnny I'll ask the questions around here,Now why did you blow up the Mormons?""I thought they were Jehovas,I mean I did'nt" Johnny Hollywood said a bit uneasy"I guess you know your little ho lost her job now that you don't have her shuttled around back and forth to work for free in the white limo with the small scratch on the driver door" Doctor Gail said as she opened a brand new case of unripable stockings she found on ebay"Hey Dr. Gail,I'm not married and I lost a lot of money on greenbay and the bears yesterday" said Johnny Hollywood kinda sad."It doesnt matter now put the maynoise in the microwave for ten minutes then rub it on my calves" said Dr.Gail as if she was a bootcamp sargent.Sir yes sir,Mayoneise at the ready sir" Johnny Hollywoood said to gail as he gazed into her now crossed eyes."Where do you get cash,I mean are you this crazy with everybody,all your patients?"Johnny asked Dr. Gail."So all these women are one woman?,the nasty karokee whores personailities Blah Blah Blah" Doctor Gail said out of anger as she straightened the Thomas Kincaid signed offset lithograph."CensorFuck all that,Johnny Hollywood, rip my stockings off" Doctor Gail begged."Well Doctor Gail, Your my shrink right?" Johnny asked"Johnny Hollywood could you slide your chair over a little? Your blocking my view of the "Kincaid""Dr. Gail said as she relaxed on the couch"Gail, I wanna talk about some things besides Thomas Kincaid paintings and light houses and how all lighthouses look like censorpenis' to you." Johnny Hollywood told the amazon blonde ,Dr. Gail as she put fresh stockings on"Look Gail some things have been bothering me,you see,I never found the Magic Crackwhore or or stunt double down on platform three,where do you think she got gone to?" Johnny Hollywood asked the pschco biotch."O.K. Johnny Hollywood, RIP MY STOCKINGS OFF!!!"Dr. Gail shouted "BOOM BOOM BOOM" there was a loud knock at the door"Dr.Gail I hope your not doing the stocking thing again"said the director of Phycscology.Johnny Hollywood refused to call out the little blondes name who he had recently married because he could see this was a trap the evil cross threaded lesbian mafia union leaders had set up to capture the hottest girl in the entire county. "I will die before I give up the nicest looking one around to you damn desiel dykes NNNNEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVEEEEEERRRRR!!!!" Johnny Hollywood shouted,The Bulldykes wrestled him down off the cross and dropped him into the burning pit of lava."Hit me you can't hurt me" Johnny quoted more chili peppers to the crooked ladies of dykeism .Johnny Hollywood woke up in lots of pain,he was nailed to the cross in the middle of the cross threaded lesbian mafias secret cucuber garden."You wanna go back to Kansas,Scarecrow?" asked the Bulldyke Large, Johnny Hollywood knew he had seen better days,his only hope was that his new wife would come save him from the desiel dyke hell he was about to experience."I don't give a censorfuck" Said Johnny Hollywood as he drew the outline for the marijuana sleeve tattoo he was about to do on his arm."I want red hairs like Gretchen in there and no seeds"said Johnny Hollywood as he made ink from his retarded girlfriends blood,"Are you really going to use that crap?" asked murree"Who the hell are you,the landscaper?" asked Johnny Hollywood. Chris began a brand new game of hide and seek with Johnny Hollywood,He looked and looked and looked for her for weeks and when he found her she said "Sing "Hey Joe I'm going to round lake with a landscaper" again Johnny Hollywood.""Uh yeah,the Hendrix circle of fifths,anything for you"said Johnny Hollywood trying not to lie to much."Anything huh,hows about you admit you do know of the Candice from the old pizza place ,then you bastard"Johnny Hollywood could not believe she was going to play the Candy card at a time like this.He tried to call Dr.Gail but she was still signing autographs for the long line at the libary each picture of herself she signed "rip my stockings off ,love Gail."The Magic Crackwhore looked somewhat attractive with the automatic weapons in her hand "Just shoot me" she said to no one except the bulldyke to her immediant left.JohnnyHollywood tried to duck and get as far away from the Magic Crackwhore as he could while saying "I never said you look like that biotch from "Just shoot me" the TV show,in fact I never seen it I swear,and I did'nt mean to give you the rose I just forgot it there for real you know valentines day was over any way,please don't kill me.I love you or I'm not intrested in you at all whatever you want baby,please just let me live all I ever thought about when I was making Bertha happy was that little patch of skin on your hip I could see thru the hole in your blue jeans when you walked up to the counter to take my change.The Magic Crackwhore emptied her weapon into Johnny Hollywoods retarded girlfriend"Oh darn" said Johnny Hollywood playing dumb,I'm gonna miss her now!"Then Johnny Hollywood was assinated"Whoops" said the Magic Crackwhore/ angry super model"I would have went out with him" said Michelle laughing hysterically" He only likes you because you have blonde hair said the bimbo in the blue suit.Berthas private investagator entered the room cautiously and said "The jig is up Dr.Gail, Your whack!""CensorFuck you, if your Berthas private investagator then where is she?" demanded Doctor Gail."Shes in the islands with Sodbuster celebrating the change of the seasons" Said Berthas private investagator very happily."The Catbox moon exploded fully commerical" Said Dr.Gail as she rubbed the contents of the bag of Cheetos into her long Blonde hair and squated over the brand new cat box she bought at wartmart during her power lunch."Dr.Gail I thought we might talk about "Eve" today since I'm paying you for these little visits" Said Johnny Hollywood questioning her authority"Silence!!!I'm the Doctor here and I'm this close to curing the subject,I make sure you get twenty-six court ordered anger management classes at a hundred bucks a piece" She said as she killed rolly pollys on her desk with the very soiled light house figurines."You got some explaining to do Johnny Hollydaze" said The Magic Crackwhore real pissy "Who's this Suzanne and whos this Candy""Well them is just more of that crazy biotches personailties,I don't know nobody by those names"Johnny Hollywood told it like it was.Johnny Hollywood proudly walked into the station to pawn his sawzall he loved and cherished."Isnt this the sawzall you named "Maria" asked the highly integellent clerk.""Yeah, I figure I better get rid of this here sawzall before my shrink wants to use it in her funny painter of light rituals again" Johnny Hollywood told the rocket scientist at the station"Whatcha gonna do with all this here cash,Johnny Hollywood ?" asked the man with the thinking cap in tilt"I'm gonna feed shitbag over here some pizza" Johnny F.N. Hollywood said as if it mattered,And matter it did not.Johnny Hollywood slipped Bertha's private investagator a twenty to find out if Gail was really a doctor or a patient "I let you know tomorrow" He said real cop like as Johnny Hollywood's retarded girl friends car blew up in the parking lot."I'm gonna miss her,what was her name again?" he asked Colombospice."Was You really born on a lunch truck,JohnnyF.N.Hollywood ?" Asked his really overpaid shrinkski of a dumb blonde"Sweet Doctor Gail""You know I was,Is Aurora a creditable institution, as far as brain schoolin' goes,Dr. Gail?" Asked the very doubtful Johnny Hollywood.She was wearing her new twister pancho she had recently made and looking pretty silly"Are all those little circles of color real meaningful,there cupcake,I mean why did you draw light houses on each color circle?"Johnny Hollywood asked once again before he spent seven hours looking on the shitternet at the lincoln/kennedy assiantion simularites."I wanna go play my guitar" Johnny F N Holllywood said to the demented doctor of thought processes."I hope your not going to play the "Itsie bitsie spyder solos again" said a very tired Dr. Gail..Dr. Gail layed down on eight sets of front brake pads for a nineteen seventy-six Dodge Dart and said "I'm your Doctor Johnny,insert the light house figurines into my catbox and rip off my stockings while singing "Jingle Bells",then duct tape the shot glasses full of jello to my pets please?"Johnny Hollywood knew something was wrong with this picture right away,He wanted to consult his blood red Gibson SG He had named Ratchell on the matter but was very far from the little guitar with all the good advice sometimes when everything was right Johnny Hollywood felt Ratchell the blood red Gibson SG guitar played itself while he was playing.He would wonder"where did that come from?"A sound relationship that only yoko and the nasty karokee whore stood in the way of."Dr.Gail" Johnny Hollywood said," I got some issues over here too could'nt we maybe work on my problementos for a while"
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:37 PM 0 comments

Some Effort
She stood in the shining morning sun, important beautiful sculptured in shades like a statue or a bust of the kennedys You cant be a winner and be mine.They make you think you want me you dont and I knew she could be mine if I didnt have this rename her ratchel thing going on or maybe I could remember her given name but my mind decides new names for the beautiful and scrambles the discarded titles if only because of who I am no ,yes, probably because of the Bertha looks like Carmen Diaz incident so anyway,She stood in the shining morning sun important beautiful sculptured in shades like a statue or a bust of the kennedys and it did'nt phase me at all,I could only think about my non-valentine and so I called her psychciatrist seventy one times today not just to talk about the Thomas Kincaid collection ,but also to find out where you were at and I would still like to go over the whole left/right side of the brain amberdextriose/kurdt cobain hendrix stevie ray slow hand debate before they tell you I am president again
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:20 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Doctor Gails Office
Johnny F.N.Hollywood strummed the accoustic guitar as Dr. Gail snorred. When he stopped you could hear the clock tick tock. Dr. Gail looked so peaceful as Johnny Hollywood splintered the accoustic geetard against the Thomas Kincaid lithograth on the wall waking Doctor Gail from her nap as Johnny Hollywood broke into another one of the Cat Box songs.J.F.N.H.="The Crackwhore has got a Cat Box and its so fine,I love it in the morning wanna make it mine,I love it in the evening before the moonlight".Dr. Gail= "no no no no no.......not the Cat Box not the Cat Box".J.F.N.H.="I love The Crackwhores cat box its the one for me I wanna get baptised in it and never ever leave,I love The magic Crackwhore and her Cat Box not nessicaraily in that order from deep in the middle to all the borders and corners.......Theres only one Cat Box that I ever want to see thats The Magic Crackwhores little Cat Box the only one for me!"The alarm went off and Dr. Gail rattled the tamberine slightly and said "Thats all we have time for today,See the cashier Mr. Hollywood"
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:08 AM 1 comments

The Question of the Day
"Bet you cant milk this" said big daddy,The leader of theCross Threaded Lesbians standing there, her grey crew cut shining in the artifical light. She was the grand pooh bah of all the Desiel Dykes, her shoulder pad implants almost as big as her forearms"what the Censor are you?" Johnny Hollywood wondered again.Long Lines"Johnny Hollywood lost his nice ass crib to Olivia and moved into the state park in a dirty tent with Shitbag Shirley and on real cold nights or if it was raining Shitbag Shirley would censorpiss in a bucket and dump it out in the woods within the next few days; it didn't smell to good and J.F.N.H. caught the dreaded censorpiss bucket disease and censorshit bucket disease and the Catbox scurvy.He made friends quickly with his deer calls and a squirrel started stalking him,it kinda reminded him of you so he named the little animal after you,which is sad and pathetic, but it was the only way he could keep going on.He found an old Schwinn brand ten speed in the garbage and fixed it so he could have wheels and "lived happily ever after."Box Car Jesus told the other winos sitting around the campfire as they passed a forty ouncer around spreading herpes,hepatitis and tuberculosis to each other.Then "Abe"(everyone called him Abe because he looked like Abe Lincoln) He stood up and said "I'm gonna turn in fer the night so as I can get up to the Soup kitchen fer breakfastI don't wanna wait in no lines."During the night somebody stole his shoes.He had a long walk barefoot to Sally's (The Salvation Army)when he got there there was a line of people a block and a half longHe got in line behind a guy who carried the box He sleeps on with him.Abe took a big hit of a scrub pad and held it in for a while,then he thought about it and said "The last time I really seen Johnny Hollywood, I was down at welfare on Lawrence Ave. and he stumbled in thar drunk as a dog yelling at the crowd "Ain't you never seen no rock star on welfare" then he passed out in the lobby for a while and by lunch time he went home with a big ol' heffer."Lets CampJohnny Hollywood picked Bertha up in the horse drawn wagon and rode thru town to the barn dance hootenany to celebrate his own death,When they arrived,He found out that he didn't even have Bertha with him. He was out on the town with one of her sisters,but still they partied all the same.The sun was shining and every cloud looked like Bertha.There was music in the air.The state park forest ranger came 'round and said "Thats a rap, Ya all gots to be movin' on,ya done worn out yer welcome and yer two weeks is up.You fellers can not be here for more than two weeks,But Bertha and Harpo could stay with me if they like,I got the nineteen seventy-six dodge motor home parked in lot number C 13,but you gots to go Mr. Hollywood.You can camp next to the nuke plant if you like its not that far away and they'll let you stay fourteen days"Johnny Hollywood was hoping Harpo the award winning landscaper would stay and find a new home in the dodge.Johnny Hollywood sucked the bartenders toes until She said "She'd have his children."That was all fine and well except for the fact that she did not have any health insurance."Oh Well,Censorfuck it" He said Joyfully.Only then did Johnny Hollywood wake up and realize The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia had shut the cable off,bringing an end to his psychic connection with Britney Spears."Shes never going to let you be her guitarist,anyway!" said Harpo the award winning landscaper and supplier of the Bertha Meds this week,As she pulled up the tent stakes."I'd just feel a whole lot better about it if the holes we dug was for the dookie bucket." Johnny Hollywood told Harpo as she made shure the fire was out."I'm out doors you know" the radio sungJohnny Hollywood slammed the clip into the handgun and shot holes into the side of Sodbusters welfare Cadillac."The government paid me not to grow nothing Johnny"Sodbuster said as he squealed the tires and did a reverse drop and then T-boned Johnny Hollywood's Hummer that he had been hiding from Olivia so he would have something to chili cruise Gretchen around in after the big "trial" separation."It ain't about yer welfare,you clustercensor retard" Said Johnny Hollywood, as he slid the second clip in.Sodbuster knew it was all about Bertha."I knew that biotch would kill me,one way or another"He said to himself .The clouds parted,the sky openedand Johnny Hollywood could seethe most beautiful of all the angels in heavenwas wearing the bunny ears and looking very apethic as she cut the pizza.In his heart he felt each shift of the knife as it ripped it into pieces.Shredhe loved her even moreshredpast the bluesJohnny Hollywood woke up in the court room and his beautiful attorney "Gabriella" was nowhere to be found.The Judge was reading from a book and the county Sheriff was smilin' from ear to ear."Do you Johnny Hollywood take Shitbag Shirley over here to be yours and whoever gets there before you's,from now until you kill her or die of the worlds record for STD's?"Asked the Judge smilin' like he was on crack.Johnny looked at his feets and they was'nt shackled.Johnny looked at shitbag Shirley and wondered when this censorfucking nightmare was going to end.Johnny looked at the door then at the jag officer's gun."Run Johnny" said lugnut number oneJohnny's high tech navigational system kicked in and he remembered there was at least a couple more good looking women on the island he did inhabitate and with that message from his second lugnut he was gone.Lynyrd Skynyrd songs played in his mind.Nevermind the elevatorJohnny Hollywood jumped down a flight of stairs at a time.He had to get away from shitbag Shirley and end this nightmareif he could only wake up but,He was already awakethus complicating his life even more.Not even the Bertha medicine could make this go away."Your never going to find any violets in the snow"The lovely Goddess again told Johnny Hollywoodright before he froze to death."I told you before Johnny Hollywood,there are no plautues" Said God with her halo shining above her yellow rose colored hair.Johnny stood on top of the highest mountain in the Southwestern United States and chipped away the ice"Wendy!! Wendy!!" Yelled Johnny Hollywood."Johnny,Your never going to find any violets in the snow." God told Johnny Hollywood once again.Johnny Hollywood woke up in the stands holding the football like it was the girl who worked at the bank.There we're sweepers approaching at Ten o'clock.The game was way past over and the lights on the score board were out and cold.He now believed it was the evil satanic workings of Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Choir singing their Cross threaded anthem that had caused him all this all of this pain.The Sky was grey and those wern't roses blooming in the Cat Box today.Johnny Hollywood thought about Hitler and the mistakes He had made in battle and knew the Cross Threaded Ladies had not yet won the war.Although He was being pressured to make a diagnosis prematurely.Cupcake needed some sorting out that was for shure,but not a complete waste of time."Gretchen,Honey I loves you" He carved into all of his guitars,even the one named Toyya or Tardzilla or whatever that censorfucking biotches name was."Your in denial here,Johnny" Said Doctor Gail ever so sweetly."You really did tattoo a certain red guitar on your arm, and I think it really means something to you!Deeper than dreams.This could be the Key,What do you think of when you see the color red?""Bull...Dykes?dogs?" Johnny Hollywood asked."Johnny Hollywood knew from the get go, it would be a mistake to tattoo his favorite bartender on his skin,but he did it any Gosh Doggie way" said Harpo from behind the couch."Whys she in here,Johnny,It costs more for a group session" Said Dr.Gail all pissy."Can you make it so I can just check my email here?"Asked Box Car Jesus."I need to buy some tattoo ink off of Ebay" Said honest Abe."Smell the gas Johnny, it will kill you" said the evil leader of the C.T.L.M.U.During the night Harpo Marx had found her way to the campsite of sir Johnny Hollywood and begun digging. He heard the noise and opened the tent to see what kind of animal was out there and what a surprise"You can not a fire me,Johnny Hollywood" said his very dedicated landscaper holding her Trophies."Get the censorfuck outta here,I can't pay you anything, I have nothing" He tried to explain to his retarded slave."I miss the pizza knife" said J.F.N.H.,As he pounded out the bar chords to "Louie Louie" Even though it was Bertha day againno one had brought any presents to the party.Johnny Hollywood stepped out of the censorshit stinking tentfor the first time in three days to dump the sand bucket he had converted into a comode out in the woods, and head into town to get some kinda censorshit bucket disease medication if he could."Did ya try that thar jock itch medicine on it,Johnny?"asked Box Car Jesus."When I think about what I could have done with all that money I spent on toilet paper" Johnny Hollywood said as he wiped his ass on the grass like a dog with censorshit stain issues."What would've you could've you done with that kinda money?" asked lulu the under cover bouncer for the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia's Union meetings on Tuesday and Thursday nights.When you all going to finish signing up for welfare asked the nasty crackwhore who hogged the censorshit bucket all the time therefore had the biggest censorshit bucket rash at karokee night in three counties."Johnny? is that you? Johnny Hew Haw Hollywood?you son of a biotch!" said the desiel Dyke who looked a lot like Elton John.Johnny Hollywood hoped she was a woman,so he wouldn't be embarrassed in front of everyone because even though he didn't want to go home with the illegal immergrant who now became his special friend, He had to check the bartender etiquite handbook to see if any of this wasgonna censorfuck it up for trying to get up with the hot little bartender.So he put the nine millimeter to Shitbag Shirleys head and pulled the trigger thinking he might get some kinda award for helping rid society of a piece of censorshit disease.Book Learnin'Johnny Hollywood went to the lake where the nuke plant does most of its dumping and filled fourteen milk jugs full of the contaminated water to make ice cubes for the big party that night."What the censorhells wrong with you Johnny?" asked his gorgeous blonde wife, as she carried her suitcase to the door. "You,Bertha and the bait and switch mail order brides can censorfuck off,and You can bet I'm getting the Lake Forest Estate" She said as she kicked her poodle across the foyer.Johnny Hollywood did'nt care if she "took everything even the immigrant phygm and Bertha too,as long as he still had a Camaro and a Gibson S.G., a man doesn't really need anything else in life" He told Special "K" as she went out the door with whats her name and her poodle singing the seventy's song "Don't call us,we'll call you."Well it's not going to be much of a party, Johnny Hollywood thought.Ding Dong, the door bell was ringing, over and over. It was the nice Hillbilly Cheerleaders from West Virgina, who came over every other day or so to be tutored by the Bait and switch mail order brides in the english langue.Johnny Hollywood was so embarassed his lovely wife and his nurse left him,He almost didn't even want to answer the door, but as he looked out the window he could see the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia rounding the corner and he figured if he don't let the Hillbillys in.The Cross Threaded Lesbians would have them inducted into the Cross Threaded hall of fame by night fall.So he opened the door quickly.the Slutiest Hillbilly said "Trick or treat"and Johnny Hollywood knew it was'nt going to be halloween for a while, but it didn't matter. These ladies needed to be schooled up and fast,So he showed them to the Bait and switch Mail order brides quarters and only kept one Hillbilly for his own personel use. Right in the middle of giving her the tour of the coach house, she proudly told him how, when she was back at home in the holler, three of the trailers in her holler all shared the same out house"This is so confusing" Johnny Hollywood told her"All the trailers up here in the north gots the censorshitters inside them, did ya all buy yer trailers before nineteen twenty or before they invented trailers or what?" He asked the stupid beauty, who loved to do her little cheers even after Johnny Hollywood convinced her hillbillyness to wear the bunny ears,J.F.N.H. figured if he knocked her up she would quit doing her little cheers,So he begat trying to breed with an iliterate hillbilly only because she looked nice."Its still better than that nasty "Jersey" accent" Johnny Hollywood told himself"Whens ya all gonna let me get all schooled up thar, Johnny?" asked the sweet barefoot Hillbilly.Johnny F.N.Hollywood thought about it for a while and decieded he better let the bait and switch mail order brides who just got to the country illegally, try and teach some sense to the Hillbilly, if hes gonna knock her up."I'm leaving you Johnny Hollywood, Your to controling and just want me to be bearfoot and pregent" Said the Hillbilly who put coleslaw on her chilli dogs."CensorFuck it,Johnny Hollywood thought as he told everyone to get the hell out "Everyone has to leave!" He told them all."Everyones got to go,the cults over.""But I thought we are the Manson family,Johnny" said his rude landscaper "Harpo Marx.""Everyone out!!" Yelled Johnny Hollywood, As he picked up The Secondary Crackwhores Crown and started to throw it out on to the lawn with all the other censorshit he had tossed out there,but he could'nt do it. It meant to much to him.The Hunter"I am looking for a girl who has mental problems to the point she will be so obsessed with me, that she will never want another,That is, so obsessed with me that she would never want any other." Johnny Hollywood told his award winning landscaper.Freedom"She fooled you Johnny Hollywood"said his big underground connect."She made you think all kinds of crazy censorshit and had you wondering which one of the craziest mind censors it was and you kept playing along the whole time hoping for a clue or spot of daylight in the tunnel never even knowing it was her "The Devil that had you so mindcensored, you can't even think.Ain't it?"Johnny Hollywood woke up before the dawn and started running to get in shape for the big freckle counting event that was coming up real soon he had to be ready and he prayed to have the strengh to not miscount any of the beautiful freckles"I must not miss any" he told himself.Gretchen was playing mind games with Johnny Hollywood to the point where it hurt to think.He tried to think about the cutest bartenders in the world to forget about the red queen but it was'nt working,she had his brain by the lugnuts and was squeezing the life out of it.Johnny Hollywood tried again to think a thought,it was sorta like this"Mindcensor".Johnny Hollywood again tried to think about a blonde, any blonde his memory was set on Red."Perm, think long curly dark hair" he thought again, "only red" Johnny Hollywood was shure that Gretchen was the devil. He thought of her at each crossroads. "Try to think Blonde" He told himself the story of Golda and the three bears but the elevator scene from the shining took over."REDREDRED" what could erase her from my mind he asked."I guess I will have to make her mine"he thought,not knowing he was already hers to the degree that he could not escape her web,trapped."Its time for the changing of the nurse,Johnny" Said his beautiful blonde wife as she served up a delicous serving of Ramien noodles."Is this because the white hen pantry was out of the Cherry Garcia Ice Creame again,Honey?" he asked the super model he was very lucky to have ever met.Johnny Hollywood was on hold for forty minutes trying to explain to the state that "he did have Bertha's emmision testing done" and "not to suspend his drivers license""Well what cha all need a drivers license fer anyway, if'n your such a big rock star, ridin' in limo's all the time fer, Johnny Hollywood" asked the nice lady in Springfield as she ran his phone bill up even more."Let me talk to that biotch" said Gabriela (Johnny Hollywoods beautiful attorney)When Gaby got finish explaining the way it was, and the way it should be, Springfield said it was "O.K. and that Johnny Hollywood would never again have to have Bertha Mae tested for emmisions.The contest to see who would be Johnny Hollywood's retarded girl friend took way to long there were many nasty biotches claiming to be "the one""Could you bring us some more Margrittas over here,Slutcakes" Johnny Hollywood asked the dried up bar rag.At the table He and Buttercups was eating Fish Tacos and working on a plan to rewire his retarded girlfriends brain as He spilled the hot sauce onto the table,He opened up Shitbag Shirleys skull(the real retarded girlfriend,more retarded than any other.)Upon removal of Shitbag Shirleys brain,He turned it upside down and spilled some of the green sauce on it by accident then,cut her largest microchip in half with wire cutters and soildered a low E string to it then he cut the brain completly in half with a hack saw and stuck the back half of a dogs brain to it,holding them together with tooth picks piercing califlower."Will they stay together?" askedSweet Bertha Mae."Theys gonna stay together like you and me" Johnny Hollywood told her as he finished up the last of the chips."This is suppossed to stop the hot tub romp with the cattle now ,ain't it Johnny,that whorebag had my prize winning beefs in the waterhole and ain't been chaproned none" Bertha Mae asked,just to make shure."Yep, Shitbag Shirley ain't gonna be in the hot tub with anymore farm animals after this little procedure" Johnny Hollywood reassured her just before he slipped out the back door leaving her with the check.Bertha spent the rest of the night busing tables to pay for the big dinner,before she got drunk and told anyone who would listen "That Johnny was'nt no real guitar player, because he needed a treasure map to find his favorite guitars." Pedro heard quite enough of her non-sensical rambling and told her to "Punch out and go home."Johnny Hollywood walked alone slowly in the dark down “Seven Bertha Road” stepping over snakes and Smiling grimly at satan as he passed.“How much farther to the crossroads?” He wondered as the elevated train roared by The open graves were scattered in front of the wishing well Like land mines.Lightening shattered the midnite sky“And what is your prayer,My son?” asked the clouds.“My prayer is a nice anerexic no ass blonde” Johnny Hollywood told the clouds.“You have already received your wish,and have thrown her away”The clouds told Johnny Hollywood.“What the censorfuck are you talking about?” Johnny Hollywood tried to remember as he fell into the endless tunnel downward, he could see The Magic Crackwhores halo shining in the moon light blur.It was all lies,Johnny Hollywood lived to die for her heiness,but the heavens stole his soul,anyway.Johnny Hollywood tried to swim across the ocean of blood as the waves pounded the shores,He was washed on the beach of death.The Treasure map was tathered and torn When the lord handed it to JohnnyHollywood. J.F.N.H.turned it around and around Examining each side at every angle It was very confusing,but he could make out the words “Ratchel’s Garden” in one area..“So this is the promised land?” Johnny Hollywood asked greedily with a laugh.The lord said "Never trust your eyes."“To every question there is an answer” Box Car Jesus chimed in, And Johnny Hollywood broke in half his sandwich And fed it to the dogs.“Are you going to have the trophys made for theBig contest” asked Bertha Mae Electra. Johnny Hollywood then checked behind her ears For cancer and Checked her teeth and credit cards.She was certianly good to go.“Your to pretty to cook” Bertha Mae said over and over as she peeled the bumper stickers off the back of the corvette Johnny got caught riding cupcake around in.The first bumper sticker was not so easy to scrape off.“I brake for bleach blondes.”Bertha read the bumper graffitti“CensorFuck You” she said laughing.“He brakes for bleach blondes,and lily white biotches”said Johnny Hollywoods Chinese Launderer.Johnny Hollywood found out the fender amplifier would not float in the river that day and thought that he and the walmart greeter slash sometimes stripper had lots in common even if it was only the fact that they both knew what pancakes were “I should have named my guitar Joy halstead”He thought before he craved Bertha Mae Electra in to the wall next to the pay phone and an upside down heart to signafy she might possibly be acting silly about their love.“Fill the boat with sluts and lets drink a lot”Said box car Jesus as he tore down the lsd labortory He had built In the back of the bus.The two monkeys were each sliding walnut shells across The checker boards, trying to get the goatherder and The lady with three asses to bet they could find out "whar the pea had got gone to.“"Are these your monkeys, Boxcar Jesus?”asked the lady gorbichaufskiher voice muffled from the long flowing underarm hair.“Your in the house now!” Box Car Jesus said to the others onboard the bus“Do you guys cook seafood on the grill back here” said The very disturbed welfare caseworker as she hit the crack pipe yet again“I’m telling your mother,Mrs. Washington!”Shouted the bus driver from the front.“What happen you mikes? Asked the first monkey“The P.A.’s no good’ said monkey number two“Move the camara closer,closer,Damn it!”said Big Roxy The camara panned in on Sweet Bertha taking the seats out of Johnnys Sixty-four and a half Mustang “I got you now you son of a biotch!” She exclaimed,As she held a picture of The Magic Crackwhore she found under the back seat.High into the air.“Cut! Cut!” Big Roxy bellowed as she kicked over the new directors chair she had made especially for her out of burlap panties by a nice elderly lady who had recently retired from the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia and did’nt have anything to do all day.JFNH“Johnny Hollywood, Are you really in love with thirty-nine women at the same time?” Asked Gretchen as she curtsied and bowed then handed Johnny a nice cup of hot cocco.“Forty,and that’s not counting Shelby and Shelia” Said the disgruntled Leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia.“That is an out and out lie, I am not in love with Shelia” Said Johnny Hollywood quickly in his own defense.Johnny Hollywood picked up the beautiful chrome three-fifty-seven magnum and stuck the barrel to his temple “Goodbye Candy” he said as he pulled the trigger.Johnny Hollywood woke up on the fourth hole of the minature golf maze"This ain't heaven" he said as he urinated in the hole.Johnny Hollywood carjacked the Sheridain 151 city bus and filled it with prostitutes and drove them away from the pimp he beat the living piss out of ,and told them all they are free now in the midst of freedom they mostly wanted a ride to go get a bag or a rock, then some of them wanted to spend thier freedom walking the strip"But your free" Johnny Freedom Hollywood told them.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:04 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Thirsty
The Raft made of accoustic guitars fell thru the ice and then got stuck there as the ice formed around it until it was about to break and became weak almost rusted like the frame of a bronco and the dogs could'nt pull anymore Johnny Hollywood knew they were not in the south and if the C.T.L.M.U. followed his scent the hot red canine peppers might throw them off the path some We can just walk off the ends of the earth over the ice and leave this island for good.Johnny Hollywood forgot if he really did marry Britney Spears or just a school teacher who looked like her ,delisonal is not how you spell it said the thirsty spelling bee judge in a pissy tone as she shit herself into a spastic frenzy seziure looking electric without no cords the bong has no puppet strings name the bong after the goddess so to remember who he did marry this would be the way to remember that holy bond he said as he worked the love voodoo on to the hottest girl on the planet earth.Johnny Hollywood had all he could take, the driving on two wheels demonstration was taking longer than anyone had expected and Johnny Hollywood cracked,he drove the car into the gas station as quick as he could and traded harpo , the down stairs maid and the rest of the car load of illegal immergrant cleaning crew stuffed into the maid mobile to the gas station attendant for a full tank of gas, a car wash and a one litter of Dr. Pepper brand soda.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:48 PM 0 comments

AND OF TOMORROW and tomorrow is the daythe day for which we pray tomorrow is the wayto my heart tomorrow is the day the day for which we pray the holiday we would never trade St. Garbage Day!!!!!!!!
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:46 PM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood failed every polygrapgh test that The C.T.L.M.U. gave him and they now had him in a vice bigger than Isabelles assHe confessed that he was the blame for his previous girl friends becoming fat in record time and that he believed in a cute one.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:46 PM 0 comments

"This is wrong Johnny Hollywood,never a brown eyed girl on the hood of a Volkswagon and a silver one at that I think not the dark interior is fine so inside always inside" Dr. Gail told Johnny Hollywood,The director tore up the script walked out and keyed Dr. Gails new Hummer in the well lighted parking lot as Johnny Hollywood pasted little pictures of Albert Hoffman to each window in all the Thomas Kincaid's in Dr. Gail's Office full of duct taped lawn furniture and Green bay packers memorbilia.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:44 PM 0 comments

Crackwhore A Go Go
The Magic Crackwhore Crack Sore Tattoos on the cattle were nearly finished when we first noticed that the holy Magic Crackwhore crack sore Sunday came on a Tuesday this week and the bulldyke massages are free at the sweat hog ladies night turn you out dance "but nothing over yonder could ever be near a sweet as my lovely Magic Crackwhores Crack Sores" Said Johnny Hollywood as he finished putting another episode into the commode I love you swished the rust colored waterJohnny Hollywood built a raft out of the accoustic guitars and tried to leave honeycups on the island but theres was only one way out and Johnny Hollywood had heard of destiny before but did he believe? No not until the dice were tossed could he see with his own eyes there was one ho for him and his heart said one Magic Crack Whore Crack Sores was to be his destiny whether or not he choose this and there was no way to hide from this no matter how hard Johnny Hollywood tried, the Cards read T-N-T and Johnny Hollywood couldnt ask the C.T.L.M.U. for help because they had thier biggest meanest henchmen out looking for him to execute him. "Critic Critic" chanted the crowd and the judges from yesterdays spelling bee were still mad at him but still swallowed his dog "Fido's" load for breakfast like a nasty ass bitch would.Boiling water could not fix it this time.The Baroness Electric Magic Crackwhore ala Crack Sores needed milking and Johnny Hollywood just signed a contract to partake in the milking of the lucous crack sore o rama from now until the planet burned out to a piece of burnt toast or dust which ever comes first and the Countess of Crack Sores was suddenly sewage"Johnny Hollywoods had him the best crack sore happy crack whore money or cocaine could buy and even had other super douper crack whores on the waiting list to spread those funky crack sores onto the rest of the population" Said the monkey that was going back to the service "and they should give a full refund" said the biggest bulldyke wearing the shirt that said "I surived the "Last job in the United States went to an illegal alien Day Parade."The "Leaking piss bag water melon vodka mistake" became famous at the lunch truck brunch they called "you all got any more that chicken" The lord of the donuts,carl marx and carly simon from aerosmith and the rolling stones walk into a bar and theres a parriott there and even though there was no reasoning he was still wrong "you have failed the test"said the doctor of wedding miscarriages.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:25 PM 0 comments

Just another private in the Army of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union drove the delivery vehicle up onto the curb and the sumi wrestler sized bull dykes jumped out and tossed Johnny Hollywood into the dodge on his face next to a monkey who was shooting up in between its toes on its left foot, Johnny F.N. Hollywood protested bieng kidnapped with an aids ridden monkey and the Cross Threaded Mafia of Lesbians told Johnny Hollywood that the monkey was Micheal Jackson and the pope called the monkeys attorney and congragulated him on the work he has been doing and asked him to join the Catholic church where he would recive millions and a place to stay that was to be considered deluxe accomidations.and since he was so much more important than Johnny Hollywood, Johnny Hollywood had to ride in coach during the transport but Johnny Hollywood knew this was not true because first off the monkey had no mary tyler moore doo going on and secondly the monkey was not malesting any children so it was plain to see that this monkey had problems but still was not Micheal Jackson just then the barrel of fun rolled past a nice lady with three asses and the monkey fell in love and Johnny Hollywood also took a liking to her huge assness thinking this was perfect for the new C.D. cover, a lady with three great big asses right on the cover.There was nothing better Johnny Hollywood thought. The poetry police mounted the cameras in every part of the studio to catch the milking of the crack whore scene from every angle Johnny Hollywood believed and that is why he wanted to call the new C.D. "Half past the milking of the crack whore" but no one else in the band wanted the back cover to have the reciepes for the Crackwhore Crack Sore Snicker Salad or the Secret Crackwhore Crack Sore Dough Reciepe on them.They wanted song information credits and bullshit like that on the back side of the new C.D. so the entire band was in turmoil.The winter was long and cold and Sweet Bertha cooked up most of the circus animals for the rest of 'em to eat while the war was getting worse the times were getting a little easier and everyone thought Bertha did the right thing when she nuked the 7-11 where she never buys her valentines ,the alleged bombings have taken place in the begining of the week for us for them for national security"It was Johnny Hollywood who caulked up Bertha Maes ass so she would not fall off the tractor seat and she owed him for that act of kindness alone he thought as he unloaded most of her handguns and rinsed out her douche buckets into the fish tank and then later make to new reciepe for tuna mac out of the distilled shitwater" the barefoot pizza maker said to the slut monkey thief.Johnny Hollywood spent most of his big rock star monies on pure cocaine so he could do lines on his favorite sluts asses, so after partying a lot the cocaine made him go bald and in addition he soon found he needed another job and signed a contract with a local hillbilly pizza place not understanding it meant he would have to get laid a lot I mean deliever the pizzas instead of the pizza place using his rock star name as the sign out front did say "Johnny Hollywood"but he was there right next to the others handing out free food to the police and even got to see the cute ones snatch-a-sore-ass {Snatchasorous} on a good day the only thing he regretted was showing up on the day of the deermeat pizza exercise.He finally cracked and it all went to hell.Right before he bought the AK-47's out of the newspaper for four hundred each and right after bieng barred from Dr. Gails office and the restraining orders were issued Johnny Hollywood had to make appointments with Dr. Gail's recieptionist under the assummed names of Johnny Halleywood and Johnny Hallywood then wore the groucho shades and nose and a nice Bob Dylan hat for a disguise to the very expensive appointments.Then he had to make up new stories of his life so she would'nt notice it was him."You should have never traded Bertha's prize winning cow for the magic jumping beans because you can not milk these beans and you don't wanna use goat box droppings in ya alls morning coffee"Harpo Marx said into the three cameras on her left shoe."After a big night of hoe'n on the stroll You can't expect the down stairs maid to put these here back seats to the Chevy's you done made sweet love to the Magic Crackwhore on into them plastic bags and staple the correct piece of paper to the correct bag,even if you done put yer dates and times you had the hottest of the hot on the specific uphostered Magic Crackwhore crack sore memorbillal interior part" Dr. Gail scolded him,Then drifted into her usual "You can not petition the lord with prayer routine slash tribute to Jim Morrison following up with the obligatory flipping over the dining room table scene that would have made both your Dad and Jim Morrison proud.Dr. Gail then decided that Johnny Halleywood needed anger managment classes at a hundred bucks a piece every week for a year 'ceptin' fer hollydays and then Johnny told her caseworkerness that he was jewish since he thought they might have more days of celebration then he confessed to her that his religion was that he worshiped the most beautiful female in existance,and every day was a holiday as long as he thought dreamed and remembered her, and thats all he could do.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:08 PM 0 comments

Bertha Mae seemed was a little to happy to be the one choosen to check everyone for weapons upon entry to the old gas powered motor car. Harpo Marx the world reknown award winning landscaper/bait and switch mail order bride told the newspaper reporter that Johnny Hollywoods ad on the cable for the "No ass stripper,super model To preform the duties of putting the flag up on the mail box and scrubing the toilet ever now and then"."Was a waste of time"
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:06 PM 0 comments

The announcer went on and on....."Single-handedly bringing her entire country to our country to work and boy do they work.""Ms.Harpo Marx!"The croud erupted again and everybody's favorite mail order bride "Harpo Marx's stunt double Ms. Harpo Marx III,stood up and recieved her medal crying to much to say anything and the lights went off and we all watched a forty-five minute film on land scaping.Thier was no britney displays or cocaine and security was light The snow was heavy
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:04 PM 0 comments

Bambi stood in the head lights and did'nt moveJohnny Hollywood looked over at her and she snapped out of it and shook her head and pushed her cart around the corner of the pasta asile moving on,Johnny Hollywood now knew Bambi was in fact his soul mate and wanted to woo her while watching "Twister".
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:03 PM 0 comments

The brigadeer general in the ranks of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union talked to Johnny Hollywood explaining that she was not the one that everyone was looking for. For she was not a she male and had no navigational system and she insured Johnny Hollywood that her puppies were real and it was someone else who robbed the tard blossom on the night of her horniess.Johnny Hollywood believed her at first and then began to wonder about the entire bunch.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 1:59 PM 0 comments

Rodeo Dykes
"Several of the Rodeo Dykes were like butter"Said the french fry machine operator as he filled a grocery bag full of heavily salted french fries for the now very hungry case workers."The welfare of these here fries is esquisted"Said Johnny Hollywoods larger caseworker to his slightly less larger caseworker who was carring a partridge family lunch box under her arm where no one could see it.Johnny Hollywood could see the smoke signals in the distance warning the natives that he was on his way and telling them of his new chiopratic maunuver he preforms from inside your body.still he stayed on coarseThe speaker phone rang the same ring for what seemed like forever, it began to seem like the C.T.L.M.U. was not going to come and save us this time.Harpo The award winning world reknown landscaper/bait and switch mail order bride stood up and said "Hi my name is Harpo and I am a landscape-aholic"Pulling a jalepino out from behind her left ear.She then followed with her side of what happened"The television made a loud warning alarm sound and was followed by the annoucer telling the sightings and possibile warnings if in case there was anotherMagic Crackwhore crack sore disaster on the horizion for our area."JOHNNY HOLLYWOOD once again got on his horse wearing the suit of armour and set out to save The Magic Crackwhore from the dreadful crack sores she might catch during the season of Ho-bagism.If she needed a train he would you could you be her train and if he needed a holiday she could easily be one in the rain he sang the song "Crackwhore crack sores and I don't care"as he rode into the distance to begin the Crackwhore crack soreless search Johnny Hollywood always wondered why she would sell her cracksores for rock and roll is this yet another story of the Johnny rotten? That all started with her cracksores on the open market for the legendary juice moneyand is it true she made a deal with the devil and traded him her sores:? I will see the bang a gong video for further instruction said pimpin' Roxy wearing a nice feather in her hat
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 1:40 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Bertha Curse
The code name cross threaded lesbian mafia union bugle call went off and the most impressive bull dyke with out body odor (I kid you not) became the rodeo attraction to the passing cattle. Where is thou non magical Bertha with the three hugmoungas asses? Where is thou hugmoungous ass now?My corn fed sunshine my love for canned goods.Every question has at least one answer.The Bertha curse...And God Spoke from the heavans"Bertha" must be used in each and every password.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:54 PM 0 comments

The filming of the production stoppingtook more time than everyone expectedafter what seemed like a lifetime in the waiting roomJohnny Hollywood fell for the actressdrama queen and no one else.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:51 PM 0 comments

You have to fail some tests to pass others
"johnny hollywood never said the crack sores would save us"said the preacher as he rode the mule back into town."I tried to drown him when he got baptised but he lived,I knew he was the devil then when he was just a kid" the preacher went on.Bertha pulled her horse up next to the preachers mule and stuck the barrel of the shot gun to the preachers head and said "You will take the test"."Thats it,I'm gonna recomend five hours of cat box duty to the leader of the cross threaded lesbian mafia union leader" said the now very angry preacher"nana na na na I aint in that union" said the queen of the cat boxes.Day One Test Two It takes two hundred and forty seven hundred Crackwhore crack sores setting side by side to equal the length of the cat box so if my love for you was say fifteen cat boxes high that would then become?A. "My love for You is two million three thousand Crackwhore crack Sores high".B. "My love for You is kinda smelly."C. "My love,it isn't you its me."D. "My love for You don't take near as long, I mean is so much faster when I think about that cute blonde I love"E. All of the above and Bertha too.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:40 PM 0 comments

"Its not right, I'm even better than him and I gotta be his security,That Johnny Hollywood is a rotten bastard" Boxcar Jesus told the warmest groupie as he skimmed the better of the assortment right off the top."Just carry that amp and shut up" Bertha told Box Car Jesus.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:35 PM 0 comments

"Johnny F.N. Hollywood sent the reciepe for the "Crack Whore Sore Lime Spread" in to the newspaper and won that twenty-five dollars proper."Johnny Hollywoods new attorney told the bag ladyas he put her and her mother in a full nelson."Gimmie that thar can o beans" said the bag ladys momma soundin' real desperate like."Peasants,all of them" said the bag lady making it officialThen somebody done throwed that thar can of pork and beans at Johnny F n' Hollywoods and bust him in the got darn head.In the confusion Bertha Mae walked over to Dr. Gails beamer and scratched the dog doo outta it with her "made in twian" spurs."Bertha Mae, Bertha Mae, Bertha Mae" the crowd chanted and the flag of carmen diaz was raised the sun had risenlet us preyOur Heavenly Father in the heavenslet the code names "bertha","berthatard" and "berthachrist" recieve your blessing.(The Curtian Falls)The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union Orcestraplays that morrison you like so muchyour sisters lap dance ends abruptly
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:29 PM 0 comments
Monday, March 07, 2005

Meanwhile back at Hollywood headquarters
The Leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafiastood with her size thirteen foot on Johnny Hollywoods neck and her size fourteen foot on lugnuts numbers one and two.It was obvoious to Johnny Hollywood that this one had been cross threaded for a very long time,so far to the point that she now had different sized legs and feet."I read in the brochure that some little hot as fuck asian bitch was suppose to do the walking in the back thing?" Johnny Hollywood asked at the same time planting a bug in the plants on the counter of the lobby at the C.T.L.M. Union Hall and Bingo Palace.Back at Hollywood headquarters they could now hear the secret lesbian chants and diabolical plans to win a game against the Chicago Bears.Meanwhile back at Hollywood headquarters Everyone was listening to the evil C.T.L.M.U.'s satanic sacraficial ritual live from the C.T.L.M.union Hall lobby via the radiophonic micrororecorder in motion at the tardfest deluxe.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:19 PM 0 comments

War Games
The Biggest Meanest Ladies in the highest ranks of the Union of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia bolted on thier cast iron shields and loaded thier weapons lathered each other with cheese and then by horseback invaded Jerry Springer Estates Trailer Park this morning taking it back away from the Hillbillies."We can refridgeate our beersch outdoors here we shall concour" Said the Moose like fearless leader.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:12 PM 0 comments

"Yesterday""As the Violins burned, the pages floated around.The cross with your hair wrapped around it glowedin the darkness on top of the three violinsThe metal shined and oxidized as it cooledoxidizing quickly to rust,like the warmth in your smile when my memory fades." The whorecop read from the card Johnny Hollywood wrote as she dug thru Sweet Berthas John Deere Tractor.Johnny "Seizure Chords" Hollywood ran away from the crack whore he once loved and went to live at the homeless camp where he was issued his very own shopping cart that he was required to fill with garbage before the day was done.The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union Leader had placed Johnny Hollywood in the C.T.L.M.U. witness relocation program and placed in one of the average generic homeless camps where no one could find him.He had hope,Well anyway they did find himfor he had no invisible shields to hide behind and there he was basking in the December sun one grey morning when the son of a biotch served him with the papersHis lovely crack whore who he loved and trusted was suing Johnny Hollywood for breach of promise.It seems he promised her the Universe and she wanted the title to it stat,like right now-ski."What goes up must come down" said the man with the dreaded court papers.Johnny Hollywood found the blondest reporter at the"Last job in the United States went to an illegal alien" day parade and told the biggest lies he could think of to her in hopes to move in with her and clean out her fridge and maybe get some free drinks out of the deal if things went well.She was very receptive to his bamboozlementto the point that he began to consider breeding with the blue eyed super model."How long have you known "The Magic Crackwhore"?" Asked the very attractive reporter."Oh I remember when The "Magic Crackwhore" was just a little shitstain of a heratbreaker always on the way to the crack house to get another rock every morning before the sun would come up,She was always so quiet."Johnny Hollywood told the beautiful blonde as he poured her another,and began to come up with a plan to some how get a plate of spell-getti out of this too.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:01 PM 0 comments
Sunday, March 06, 2005

A Losing Game
"Where do you think it all went to hell,Johnny Hollywood?" Dr. Gail asked"Well,I remember getting into the ring,then I think I said something about Michael Jackson looking like Mary Tyler Moore and the cute Italian with a light mustache and the short and sassy doo hit me with a chair and I was still singing "the cheese stands alone"and thru the ouji board I could see Ozzy telling me "The cop bitch from Mundelien has a big 'ol ass but it looked better than her face" Johnny Hollywood reluctantly told the court reporter."No Johnny Hollywood, I think you messed up with the fiancee thing"Said Bertha's mother as she slammed the gavel down.Johnny Hollywood didn't know what to donone of his Judge/man in a dress jokes would work with Berthas mother preceding.And when he came out of the coma he didn't receive a Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union purple heart medal like he should have,instead he was wandering around the alley asking goth wannabe devils whores to be in his next video.Johnny Hollywood didn't remember trying to jump the grand canyon and he didn't remember thinking he was Evil Knivel but every bone in his body was broke and the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union was sueing him for all he had (which was pretty much three pictures of his very favorite sandwich making super model,that he hid in his left shoe)"and if that wasn't bad enough he had to be rescued by the flight for life and flown to the finest hospital in Arkansas where they made him watch two hundred episodes of love boat as part of his rehabilitation"I don't think Elvis did it that way,pictures he hid in his shoe,so they couldn't get them" Said Johnny Hollywood's boring accountant who only needed a small amount of dental work and a few drinks.Johnny Hollywood walked into the ring after watching man on the moon once to many times and thought he was going to be knighted by the grand pooh bah of the legendary Union of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia's Leader who was sportin' a fine crew cut on that fine day."Holy bidets batman,Get outta the ring,Bastard Johnny or my plan to tease you to death will surely fail" said the bait and switch bleach blonde midget mail order bride who was half way cute,But as fate would have it,It was half past to late and the entire Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia's Defensive Team got into the ring (all twenty-five of them) ready to tag team wrastle Johnny Hollywood to death.As soon as Johnny Hollywood's head hit the post he drifted into nightmare land and there he was with his life passing before his eyes starting with the time Dr. Gail had him hanging upside down by the lugnuts numbers one and two and as soon as roll call was over she would not let him go until he wrote pages and pages of light house poetry followed by a nice candle light dinner on the beach and then stories of Anne Frank meets resident evil and the classic bedtime stories of "Golda and the 3 bears","Golda and the 3 little pigs","Golda and the big bad wolf",Golda and the red nosed drunken reindeer",and finally "Golda and the two stone soup".When Johnny woke up he was in the court of the Cross Threaded Lesbians and guess who the jury was?yes thats right the entire C.T.L.M.U.smack down defensive team.It seemed like his attorney was on the other side opening with a short story about how Johnny Hollywood was somehow working out for the freckle counting event the wrong way and telling about the only weights Johnny had been lifting was bottles of beer but turned it all around explaining that the execelentred head was a half a sipper when some of the regular trailer park women Johnny had asked out when they where five months pregenet were in fact a case and a halfers meaning only that this would be the amount of beersch it would take for that freckle counting mission to commence.On the third day of the match Johnny Hollywood was sorry that he ever messed with the unrulely tribe of Cross Threaded Lesbians and called the escort service to see if they could send over an editor to hand out apology hall mark cards at the C.T.L.M.Union meeting,and if Johnny Hollywood knew she just dumped all the cards into the collection plate the editor would have never been reimbursed for the cost of the cards
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 3:28 AM 0 comments

Refrences
Johnny Hollywood took the typed refrences from three beautiful bisexual ladies and one from the minister of the local babtist church down to the home office of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union and asked the Cross Threaded Defensive Team to forgive him for the sins he had committed against them.He was neither knighted nor asked to show them his best Jesus Christ pose.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:49 AM 0 comments

I thought we was even.
"This one beauty I can save" Johnny Hollywood said as he fell off the edge of the flat earth all the world is a wasted page. God let him be misunderstood,He alone knew she was good."This one I can save" He said as He lost himself."This one will be my slave" He dreamed Her on a shelf."This one is worth it,the time,the trouble,the beating of the heart,This one I can save"Johnny Hollywood thought as He was cast into hell."Yes Magic Crackwhore we are still even always"
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:44 AM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood got a good look at harpo the bait and switch mail order bride slash award winning landscaper and decided right then that suicide was the only answer."No Johnny Hollywood you don't gotta do her" said Box Car Jesus stain"Shes just gonna put some more sod down around the coach house so the lip stick lesbians will hopefully quit complaining and starting shit with the lord of the bulldykes at the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Unions Rodeo every Saturday the recently microchipped pets"Our Lady of urine samples" and Mr. Poohshitski" chewed up the straight jackets we had made especially for Sir Edward Lowes Christmas Pagent."Well They ain't no Outhouses made by Dodge,so I ain't gotta go" said Box Car Jesus stain.After the entire Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union's Defensive Team trampled Johnny Hollywood, The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Foot Massage began and he remembered reading in the brochure that the walking on the back part of the hour was suppose to be by a bare foot skinny no ass asian babe and not the entire Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union defense team,So he thought maybe there was a lawsuit here somewhere and he asked his lovely wife "Olivia's" driver to shave the monkeys before take off to the liquor store just in case the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Unions attorney had his photogragher out in the woods today since no one ever heard him say "roll em" most of the bar thought he was a mute.Wearing the Groucho shades and moustache disguise Johnny Hollywood backed the mint condition blood red "Studebaker Hawk" up to the float he was to pull in the Last Job in the United States was taken by an Illegal Alien Day Parade's rain date this coming Sunday.His diabical plan was to get as close to the red head as he could during the festivities and then somehow sneak off with her and get this freckle counting done and over with once and for all,unless someone demanded a recount.Seizure Chords spoke to Your sister into the mic,"Only love could be in the way within reason there is hope the burning of the violins past the lack of film inside the book there should have been a garden upon my cross all I have from you the past, tomorrow so far away".
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:32 AM 0 comments

Unheard of
With only rain at the cross roads no smiles,no blonde ponytails,no spell-getti and you ask me for poetry?
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:28 AM 0 comments

Getting Right With God
Its time to choose the fairest maiden in the land and go out and kill the landscaping for the lord kill the trees kill the trees."The history books never say why we want to sacrafice the horticulture but I think its because God was in the landscapers union at one time and they must have cheated him out of something like my Daddy got cheated out of two years in the teamsters union when it was time to reap what he has sown but you all know how it goes I'm a man and am still wrong" Said Box Car Jesus as he done his Christmas garbage picking.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:21 AM 0 comments
Friday, March 04, 2005

THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN DAY PARADE
THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN DAY PARADE"Wow, I can't believe they are really having a parade for today.This is quite a special occasion,Oh happy day "said Doctor Catsburgers receptionist as she carried the cooler full of ice to the curb and set it down behind the police line tape.The sun sat high in the sky as Johnny Hollywood worked frantically on the parade car to get it right for the big parade Bertha painted up the colorful banners to go on the float and all the kids helped,after all it was "THE DAY THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN PARADE" The people danced in the streets and the birds sang but the illegal aliens couldn't even go to the parade because they had to work that day but all of the American People were there present and accounted for.Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest sold hotdogs soda pop and fireworks from the "LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN DAY PARADE STAND""Its like a painting by that old dead guy showing how life is here so beautiful"Said Johnny Hollywoods stripping caseworkerBox Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest all discussed whether or not they could go over the border to Canada and get some health coverage since the last job was taken in the United States by illegal aliens and welfare for the Americans don't cover going to a doctor for human beings just vetenarians who have only practiced on camels way back in their country,not people and most of the Doctors in the United States were not from the United States although thier education was here in the United States paid for by the people of the United States."Since the illegals they just swarm over the border in droves into the United States maybe we could just go over the border to a doctor up in Canada and get something for this headache that never goes away" ASKED THE CAT BOX CHRIST.Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest all discussed whether or not they could get a job in the United States if they left and came back pretending to be from some other country."What if they find out we are really American's and won't hire us here in the United States because of it?" they asked arguing the point back and forth."It seems the system is set up against the Americans having any kind of a job" said Berthas Mother as she joined the unemployed task force."Maybe our government just does not want us to work,they just want us to not work?" Questioned Box Car Jesus."Yeah, we give billions of dollars to all kinds of countries nobody ever heard of, maybe they want to just give us money instead of us having to work them jobs that is why they made it so we can not have a job, but every illegal alien that don't belong in this country has a job that I can't get and they get a welfare check too,they have a nice car and a nice place to live,what's that censorshit about?" asked Johnny Hollywoods caseworker as she removed her shirt to get a tan from the light of the television."Wow, we are just lucky to be able to celebrate this day together "The day the last job in the United States went to an illegal alien" said Box Car Jesus as he drank his beersch.The dinner bell rang.Box car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all planned to go to another country to become citizens so they could come back to the united states and get a job.Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all ate the soup and pretended the burnt part that was stuck to the bottom was meat."Meat? the burnt part from the bottom where the great cook forgot to stir the dogdoo?" asked the critic that musta been raised up in a better trailer park."Since this was the day the very last job in the United States has been taken by an illegal alien what makes you think being from another country will get You a job here in the states? asked the crackwhore as she cleaned her crackpipe with vinegar"It was my caseworkers ideal" said box car Jesus"Don't You fret my little crackwhore as soon as we are illegals we will get a job for shure they will just simply let one of the pesky American citizens "go" as it were no worries" Johnny Hollywood said as he finished up his resume.After vittles Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all rode the stage coach into town to find a job but had no luck because this is the day that the very last job in the United States was taken by an illegal alien from another country."What will we do when all the dogdoo soup runs out?" they asked each other."Maybe we should go stand guard at the border to make shure that the illegal aliens with all of the jobs in America don't leave with all of the United States Currency" said Box Car Jesus."What good would that do?" asked Johnny Hollywoods award winning landscaper.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:34 AM 0 comments
Thursday, March 03, 2005

Clear the Runway
"Johnny Hollywood,I wanna talk to you,Should'nt the magic Crackwhore win the beauty contest?"Asked God as he filled the bowl and flushed it.Johnny Hollywood knew the evil Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union was behind this and he could see right thru the diabolical plot to get a bull dyke in the running."I will choose the best,I will not sell out" Johnny Hollywood told the Devil girl at the cross roadsHe knew it would get worse before it got better,there would be angel wings and bunny tails and maybe the best answer would be to run off with a nice curly haired girl and alope in her sweetness he would be intoxicated and in her warmth,he would live away from the dangers of the Desiel Dyke Death Squad. Away from the heffer dues that have all been paid many times over without a bag to get sick in.Maybe God was right."Hell no" Johnny Hollywoods navigational system went into red alert.He did indeed need a brand new Corvette,dark brown in color to match her eyes,to him she was every line in every songand there was no other."Enter the lovely contestants"A Mosh pit broke out in front of the Judges table and Johnny Hollywood was trampled by the biggest ugliest woman that could be considered a woman or cattle,both catagories were now open to her and Johnny Hollywood knew it already who would win the contest."What could stop that?" he asked himselfthere is none greater,Today Tomorrow Yesterday.Its not that the contest was fixed or his heart was set on "HOT" It was really another one you could blame God for because this was a beauty unmatched "No contest" is a phrase that comes to mindalong with the word "everything"All the spell-getti in the world could'nt make it any different."Johnny Hollywood always helps little old ladies across the street,why one time I seen him do it in a hurricaine" Box Car Jesus told the train conductor to distract him while Harpo (The Award Winning Landscaper)snuck past him onto the train."An he like the fat ladies too,I hope they put him to sleep!"Bertha's Mom told it like it was."There got to be a trailer park big enough for us all." She continued.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:46 PM 0 comments

Why Do You Hate Your Mother?
Doctor Gail was spittin' mad she threw the lighthouse chess pieces across the desk made from an old door and stopped polishing the automatic weapon"Theres something wrong with people who put money on themselves Johnny Francis Nicolas Hollywood" She cried right before she began licking the money as she logged his healing adventure into the report and faxed a copy to both of his exwive's caseworkers in a timely fashion.Johnny Hollywood did'nt really give a censorshit though cause he knew the Doctor of bad relationshits just wanted to biotch about something and would even go to the extent of using her high flautin doctorin' school education as an excuse to drain the tube that bleeds the burritto juice into the cat box and down onto Johnny Hollywoods premeditated parade in a menstral manner."I Knew this biotch was nowhere" Johnny Hollywood said as he tried to stop thinking about why he told his award winning landscaper "Harpo" to go ahead with her plan to build a new desk for Gail made out of old broken guitars.Meanwhile the Evil Wicked Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union hall was packed,it was standing room only on this holy night we call St. Garbage Day and in the middle of the room controling the slide projector was Bertha the original."She must have been brain washed" Said Johnny Hollywood.The leader of the C.T.L.M.U. was giving her usual speech about how the No Good Johnny Hollywood must die then she showed the slides again and told her theory on how Johnny Hollywood was after Olivia's stunt double The generic No ass Barbie looking crackwhore. and then the high leader of lesbianism then washeard saying "I bet that nogood Hollywood was using his same old line again, I hate it I just hate it,"If its twenty bucks to woo you how much is it to get married?" then the next thing you know they alope and he never is the same again always tring to cure her with the magnets, duct taping them to her head, taking her microchip out and flushing it and just causing it to overload, as another one of his ill attempts at humour."Why Johnny Hollywood ruined the day, he shoulda choose the other one but NOOOOOO !!! Box Car Jesus said to the first luientiunt of the S.S. CAT BOX PIZZA BOAT"All about the spell-getti,it don't mean no thang"said the twelve pack and shes do-able nun.Johnny Hollywood still did'nt care he knew he would just sneak away in the middle of the night and find something more reasonable in the cross roads next time"Cat Box,Cat Box" the mentally ill second guitarist chanted then he turned the gene simmons signature ibenaz guitar over and started counting beans on the back of itJohnny Hollywood just looked to the heavans and hoped more of the problem would call him.He practiced the things he might say if it ever didJohnny Hollywood woke up stoned and stupid
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:44 PM 0 comments

Turn it down!!!
"The Crack Whore Blues"E..The D.C.F.S. has taken my crack whore's babies away.AThe D.C.F.S has taken my crack whore's babies away...EThats O.K. sometimes......B7 A E7sus9th B7'....'cause those little bastard's cost a lot to feed(The seven crack whore solo's)...EThe D.C.F.S. has taken my crack whore's babies away....AThe D.C.F.S has taken my crack whore's babiesaway....EThats O.K. sometimesB7 A E7sus9th B7;Cause ain't nobody knows who they Daddy's beMr. Johnny Hollywood sang.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:29 AM 0 comments

stand back away from the cat box
If the crack whore thought two lines of thought at the same time,the government issue microchip would not pick up the underlayer of thought, only the main thought registered and therefore the microchipped crackwhores brain could not transmit the second layer of thought to the thought reciever wether it was a base station thought reciever or a mobile thought reciever on board another humans brain.so the hot crack whore could keep herself entertained whilst Johnny Hollywood sweated on her softness but he could not be complete unless the lovely crack whore was robbing him in the act of romance but this unfortunatly became to costly and with the cut backs in production costs he had to substitute the real mula with a single wrapped around newspaper in a sting like fashion when the love making would commence so she (the very lovely crack whore) would have something to do to occupie her time and keep her smiling for the cameras until Johnny Hollywood said I love you and planted the demonseed so far in the cat box it would not come out until easter.It seemed weird at first rubbing the navigational system with money that was coated with uncut coke yes ladies it was uncircumcised too he only wanted the pain to go away so he listened to the danicing lesson on the frank zappa tape and still to this dayJohnny Hollywood was'nt shure if the cracksores were worth that little bit of spell-getti but he bought her flowers at the gas station anyway and gave them to a hot little landscaper by mistake.
posted by Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union at 7:11 PM 0 comments


Here Kitty, Kitty,Kitty
Thank the lord,it was soon Half past the changing of the Government issue crack whore and no one even cared how much the bulldyke massage costed anymore."I want my whorecop to be non-sensical and sensual" was the last thing Johnny Hollywood remembered saying before he woke up from the boredom coma in the barbers chair sportin' the "J.F.K." as tardzilla called it, while she rode the knuckles of his playing hand on the first day of the revolution. After only a few beers Johnny Hollywood choose against sending the newspaper his kick ass reciepe slash pshycological test involving the vat or kettle of regular thin spell-getti noodles under the way to hot girl covered with a thick red sauce, not to hot not to cold for the whole milk motzerella to flow He could'nt even think blonde for a week after just seeing this magical des'sert addiction,unless he stood in the crossroads."I can cure this one that feels most excelent" He dreamed.Back in the Crossroads stood Seizure Chords"The love we have is like garbage day in the rain"He sang to the angels.Johnny Hollywood's camera's rolled for a week on the crossroads and nothing good past nothing blonde"Oh your great cross threadedness,can I get one bleach blonde anerexic editor to go?" Johnny Hollywood asked of the heavens.The cross threaded lesbian mafia union leader had him tied to the rail road tracks and told him he was crazy .
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:13 AM 0 comments

Junkin' like the doo dah man
Johnny Hollywood was drunk and swinging a bottle of Miller brand "beersch" around as he rode on top of a refridgerator in the back of a mostly red Junk Truck down the alley in the Barrio yelling to people up in the windows of the apartments and if they yelled back he would throw a bottle at themand if the had automatic weapons he would take cover under the appliances."Man I told you not to let him eat the weed and the worm" Said senior Box Car Jesus as he whislted his favorite whistles from the clint eastwood spell-getti westerns.Later that day he woke up puking in a drain again talking to himself about the Corvette not bieng the exact color of her eyes."Jesus made shure of that"said The nice officer as he helped Johnny Hollywood into the shelter he would homestead at until the welfare man suggested he might find a job to go along with the stinking little mattress with lice the soup kitchen let him catch disease from.Johnny Hollywood woke up on the tennis courts of the Resedence Inn Hotel and looked around at the fancy womens in the white"I wonder witch one a these babes is my nurse" he said to the ball cleaner.He looked around"Nurse,I'm outta champagne""Roll'em"Johnny Hollywood needed a Barbie meets Bacaull looking biotch for the hood of the Corvette love scene he had hoped to finish filming that after noon while the sun was in the right spot so that he could began working on the moonlit Corvette love scenes to follow.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:10 AM 0 comments

Place Your Bets
Johnny Hollywood laid on his back and looked at the sun it seemed like days He need water He did thirst.It was dryer than buttercup, after all the money was'nt even real.Into the sun he saw spots moving stars more spots like planets then another eclipse it was moving toward him it was big,it was larger than life it was the evil leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union and she was in the air above him Johnny Hollywoods navigational system went into red alert,the signal flashed to his brain"Abort the Mission,Abort the Mission"Johnny and his Hollywood heart said red head and the wrestling match was'nt going as planned when the leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union landed on Johnny Hollywood this time she flattened him like a pancake.Johnny Hollywood only hoped he would live thru this to collect the money he would win if he did lose because he bet everything on the C.T.L.M.U.to win the match but was still going to try to whoop her just because shes a biotch."Johnny,You should take into account that shes on the rag,If you were any kind of man you would get a good job with benefits and health insurance before you do anything" Said Berthas Mother.Johnny Hollywood asked Harpo the award winning landscaper and live in maid to see if she could locate some discount sanitary napkins on ebay or something for The leader of the C.T.L.M.U. who Johnny Hollywood has by now nick named "General Buttercup":) Hoping to butter up buttercup, so she would not kill his ass before he got the money.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 1:46 AM 0 comments

Moving Crossroads
Satan untied her red as hell pony tail and told Johnny Hollywood he could not officiate his cross roads as the orignal crossroads even if someday it would be thier meeting place and even if they had some deal that passed thru those cross roads and even if everyday he prayed to a real blonde in those aforementioned crossroads and even if he did carry the name "Travis" and even if that name was not used in the bible and even if the road goes on forever satans answer would still be No,So he asked her out again and she said "shure"then he loaded all the weapons and took a two litter of Dr. Pepper brand soda and a twelve pack of Corona brand "beersch" and his guitar and a blue notebook along with his lucky pen and a can of pork and beans and a couple of cases of ramien noodles and he got a room at the dive motel and locked himself in "to create" hybernate, and write something that would make Jessica relate,for three days he did not come out and the Goddess of hell removed the stone and cast the spells that ask the question "could the art live again?"Johnny Hollywood found a new crossroads to play hide and seek with the devil herself in while moving from crossroads to crossroads was one of her favorite tricks
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 1:35 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, March 01, 2005

"And the '59 Edsiel?" Doctor Gail Said from inside her sleeping bag in her sleep."Not many people showed up for this casting call,Johnny Fer Faster, Would?,Did you place the same ad?,Super Model crack whore that can make spell-getti?"Asked Harpo the award winning landscaper as she pruned the watermelon plantsIn front of the Hollywood estate as the park ranger pulled up blocking Johnny Hollywoods customized tour bus.The troll that lived under the bridge ran by naked everyone just looked at each other and said at the same time"Does Lori the troll have three breasts,like Budda?"NOPE THAT WAS HER HAMSTER,But You fellers got be movin' along now,You can only camp here by that thar nuke plant for the fourteen days"Said the gump sucking forrest ranger as he spit chewing tobacco all over himself.Johnny Hollywood tied the dogs to the sliegh and put on the santa hat"Mush" He yelled and off they went down the frozen trail."I guess Johnny Hollywood's crack whore done got gone and we all gotta pull together at this time of need to help, now, I'm gonna look in the north you might wanna look to the south" Box Car Jesus told the unruley newspaper reportersThe entire hydroponic system was designed by everyones favorite bait and switch mail order bride "Harpo " the live in award winning landscaper/plumber and is going to recieve another award tonight at the banquit,but Harpo is just learning english and we need a nice Barbie looking honey that can write an acceptance speech" Johnny Hollywood told the escort service over the phone."Ya all's plumber looks like Harpo Marx" said Box Car Jesus as he opened the fridge."SHHHHHHH,He's on the phone" Said Harpo. "Uh huh,Oh. Yeah O.K. Just send the obease landscaping maid again then,Please" Said Johnny Hollywood as if he was trying to apoligize as he was hung up on yet again.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:50 PM 0 comments

Overtime
Doctor Gail slammed the clump of clay down on the very large glass chess board that she had etched little litehouses into each and every square.Johnny Hollywood wearing his new "Bertha Barbie Tshirt starred at the ceilingHe could see the clouds and the Queenof the Angels belly button then she turned facing him and he could see God."God,I was wondering if instead of a nice Gibson S.G. I could just have a Jackson "V"?" Said Johnny Hollywood.Just then Harpo the live in landscaper burst into Doctor Gails Officia and knocked over the fresh pile of pre-used slightly damaged beyond repair in some cases lawn furniture live all the way from Garbage day"Theres the herb in the puddle" Said Harpo"Puddle? you mean the fudge puddle truffle cakes?"asked Johnny Hollywood wondering if this could now be tied in with the litigation against the "Cat Box" and Edward Lowe the inventor and founder of the Cat Box."If we win this case we will change the name of the band to "The Edward Lowe Project" in honor of the man himself."No,Johnny she means the guests have again clogged the hot tub with weed,earlier this morning Harpo broke up a party in the Coach House over this same problem"Said Doctor Gail"So there I was...I threw down my sword and knelt before the leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Maifa Union and bow wow wowed then I vowed not to go sniffin' round the red head anymore and did she kill me? No she gave me yet another chance at the freckle counting mission I've been on from the start" Johnny Hollywood told Dr. Gail as they moved into double overtime.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:45 PM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood took the burnt microchip out of cupcakes pretty little head and replaced it with one of his one home made high tempature microchips guarented to last longer than marriagethen he found out witch of the landscapers stole the oil funnel Johnny Hollywood had just bought and had the alleged culprit brush his horse long timebefore he rode it into town to see the mucho grande senorittas.Johnny Hollywood got off his horse and tied it out front of the C.T.L.M.'s Union Hall and Bingo Party's main entrancewhen they saw he had the C.T.L.M.(Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia)brandheavy duty bingo chips in his holsterthey let him cut to the front of the line.Once inside the secret lesbian casino and burning goat cheese bar he went straight to the bar and ordered the bulldyke massage and then two desiel dyke massages right afterwards without motzerella and then asked the nice lady with a crew cut if "he could get this here molar filled" and started watching the great pillsbury battle on the radar screen above the stuffed moose.The lord split the bar into with a bolt of lightening and the entire congergation fell into an unholy mosh pit that would make your eyes water then a bust of Ben Franklin fell off the wall and broke into pieces on the floor.The Lord spoke to Johnny Hollywood"You will play a Gibson S.G.,Johnny Hollywoodtwo pick-ups,double cut away,Ratchel red in color""This is good news" Said Johnny Hollywood."Can I have a Corvette to match Muff Muffs eyes too?"God then struck two of the biggest meanest looking bingo hall bouncers dead,one had a goatee and the other almost ready to retire from the C.T.L.M.U. with a full pension,it seemed a shame almost,that close after all those years she had in.So anyway, Johnny took that as a sign meaning the answer was NO!and decieded if he won the lottery he could get one and just have it paintedthen he went out to the shed to burn more guitars."I'm working on a plan to get "Love boat reruns piped in to the outhouse and your cell" Said Johnny Hollywoods hot whorecop hypnotist.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:40 PM 0 comments

Box Car Jesus stood up and pissed in the fire everyone in the homeless camp was used to his rudeness by now and they knew not to sleep around him if they wanted shoes when they woke up the next morning."Well the way I heard it was,Johnny Hollywoods hot little Bertha done got gone,and he forgot all about milking her" Box Car Jesus told the nice lady from the health department who was there on yet another a mad cap mission of handing out free condoms and sringes.Johnny Hollywood became confused the media was a week behind and he had to live in today.He also needed to know what kind of pie he was really digging way to much,Honeypie?
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:35 PM 0 comments

The holy books burned in the darkness and when scattered they had the same outline the stars had and thats how Johnny Hollywood knew that would be the scale he would play and...On this night of death he invited the devil for a romantic walk thru the grave yard."I swear to God I love that Angel" Johnny Hollywood told Satan as they walked thru ghosts so far away from the crossroads.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:33 PM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood opened each of the twelve dozen rats skulls and removed the acid in each brain then rubbed it onto the left handed Les Paul's finish then he removed the cross from the fire and placed it inbetween the two pick ups.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:31 PM 0 comments

Song Writing 101
Johnny Hollywood got off his horse and tied it out front of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia's Union Hall He pushed the swinging doors open and was approched by the vending bouncer who insisted he would need these heavy duty bingo chips during his stay,not even noticing Johnny had tracked cow shit across the just varnished floor."I'm not here for the goat urine boat drinks" He told her,"I'm looking for Sweet Bertha,She done got gone and I forgot to milk her" The back door slammed and he looked out at the lake.He could'nt see the river boat so he got back on his horse and went into town looking for a decent woman,you know a school teacher,pizza maker,or a libarian until he noticed he was late for the dreaded marriage consoling appointment.The lawn furniture in Doctor Gails office looked like it needed to be replaced and garbage day was half a week away"Normal people do not trade cocaine for spell-getti,Johnny Hollywood" Said Doctor Gail as she scratched her money hand and watched the second hand move another notch. Until the hourglass was empty.Our time is up When Johnny Hollywood arrived Back home at the Jerry Springer Estates Trailer Park The piles in each corner of Johnny Hollywood's studio were three feet high in one corner there was broken guitars in the other corner was drugs the fans gave him He did'nt even know what most of the shit was (his crack whore loved the corner) and in the other corner was guitars not so broken just with lots of wear.In the other corner was the bathroom that was always out of shit paper.The new bass player was doing fine and the band was never better"I get this part here where I just play the regular Rat Acid riff then you sing "She is a spectacular censoring whore bag She a spectacular censoring whore bag She a spectacular censoring whore bag and I'm gonna make her mine...Then I play the Rat Acid riff backwards there right?"asked the new bass player.Johhny Hollywood did'nt hear a word he said as he wrote down the verse "her hair a dried bleach blonde yellow her eyelids a cat box pink her eyes a hepititas yellow I love you"
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:23 PM 0 comments

"As soon as Dr.Gail fired the Harpo Marx look a like live in landscaper for good.living conditions changed for the better,now if we can only get Johnny Hollywoods fat ass case worker bitch to move it on up we can restock the fridge" Said Opie to the change machine"When they took lori's left eye out there was found to be two cameras in the left eye socketand with the additional duct tape camera there was three cameras getting the same angle for the shot"Box car Jesus told the nice ladies at the church bake sale.Lori stepped up to the plate and let them duck tape the camera to her headit really was no ones fault that her left eye ended up duct taped to but everyone signed the petition to agree not to ever take the Strawberry Bertha acid again until the settlement came thru."I can't just leave the retarded bitch at the truck stop if only because she wont get out of the car"said Johnny Hollywood."Johnny Hollywood you are up against the biggest bulldyke in the midwest for the title bout this bitch is big shes humoungous She has four asses and wears glow in the dark kotex shoulder padsshes the one that wears the popes hat and the pants in the family you better duck or run and get outta the way."Said Buttercup as she finished the fifth pitcher of margeritias."None of this matters there still is a whole lotta cross threading to be done" Said Gypsy the groupie narrator who lived her happy ass in one of Johnny Hollywoods wiccan trees.Johnny Hollywood seen the snakes crawling across the road and hit the brakes excessively hard slithering across them in a skid. Blood and Guts beautiful!The maid service and the ups guy got there at the same time censor signing me up for a class at the communitty college said Johnny"Ya all look like you could scrub the toilet"and they went right to work"You gotta sign for these" said the belegerent U.P.S. worker."I don't want the seventys disco abortion looking immergrent" said Johnny"just this blonde one""Its all or none" said the evil U.P.S. guy"Well I guess I could set the others free,but they might never go away like the one that looks a lot like harpo marx, or pam the menomonee indian prostitute I freed and she just needed a ride to get a bag then back to the strip so it did'nt matter how much I hurt the pimp that day" Said JFNH
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:15 PM 0 comments

Welfare Johnny
Johnny Hollywood you've have signed up on welfare and we have sent a nice caseworker to live with you to check out your refrences and stature in society" said the very obease Caseworker who was herself recieveing seven checks in seven different names,She was a pillar to the community sitting at the cold generic steel desk in the back of the welfare office."Is this because I sang those welfare songs in the subway?" asked Johnny Francis Nicolas Hollywood."Nope guess again said Lardass.""Is it because of the early days of the band we used to steal electricity and play until the police came,and now we use extension chords and live large like fat rich bastards?" asked JFNH."No Johnny,its because you have more cheese than Ronald Raygun gave away" said the very obease caseworker who looked like her milking was long overdue."DDDAAAARRRR" said Johnny Hollywood."I should have known"There were cameras in the cameras" as he wondered what his caseworkers milk would go for on the open market.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 8:05 PM 0 comments

"Legalize the Passwords"Said the satanic bleach blonde groupie as she tried to adjust to living in one of Johnny's wiccan type treesThe survielance vans surronded Johnny Hollywoods crib.He was under the microscope and thought it was because of the acidrain lenses he had switched on the hidden cameras."Johnny Hollywood had reserved the passwords"Berthachrist","Bertha",and "Berthaelectra"with the holy lords of the Cat Box." said Johnnys mental patient landscaper to the suit."What about Bertha jim morrison? asked the suit.`Johnny Hollywood wrastled the pot trees with his bare hands spanking them and putting them upside down in "time out"not fearing death or the C.T.L.M.!"If you can wrastle 'maters you damn shure can wrastle the mary jane" box car jesus said.Box car Jesus hid the Bertha medicene in his shoe thinking that they were after him"So he cooked the Bertha medicene and then took the film that the mouth wash was on and put a triple dose of the Bertha Medicene on each little sheet and passed it around the fire at the homeless camp waiting until everyone was dosed good then he preached to them about The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Unions Regeime BIENG THE SO CALLED BAD GUYS."Johnny Hollywood's hypnotist was a little slut and a half" said the gypsy witch as she cleared out the medicene cabinet into her mojo bag along with the solid rock hard bisquits
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:58 PM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood called the escort service many times that morning trying to find the right lady(who was'nt holding a sign on the side of the road)to come on over and call to sign him up in a class at the community college to learn him the proper ways of spelling Speggitti.He was scolded badly on his first attempt"We don't have any anerexic people" The lady ripped Johnny a new asshole.so the others he called he tried not to be so specificso he did'nt say "Blue eyed blonde anerexic" he just said one that looks like barbie or one like that barbie meets baucall looking bitch on the movie "Rat Race" "you know where barbie flys the helecopter" he said right before he was hung up on so rudely.then he tried ordering a red headfinally agrreing with"Just send the obease landscaping maid
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:47 PM 0 comments

Lightining shattered the sky as The Second Lord of The Cat Box came down the golden stairwayThe lord of the Cat Box noticed even though the trees were blooming."Sir,Yes Sir, I did not bring my guitar today to the garden because I did not know you would be here today,Sir" Johnny Hollywood said."I have brought some scales I want you to practice,Johnny." Said the Seventh Lord of the Cat Box.Johnny Hollywood was lying again,the reason he did not bring his guitar to the garden that morning was because he had been jogging and working out to get in shape for the big freckle counting event coming up.The leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union stood up and flung the chess board across the floor of the mens room."I want him dead" She said to the biggest bulldyke bouncer on her left."Johnny, You have to drop out of the contest" shouted his award winning landscaper "Harpo"(the bait and switch mail order bride from hell.)"I will not take a fall just because the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union throw a little money around" Said Johnny Hollywood proudly as he hummed the theme from Rocky."No Johnny Hollywood,its not that! You have been entered in the Cross Threading event by mistakes" shouted Harpo from the stands.Johnny Hollywood looked at the green bay shit packers Cross Threaded offensive line and wished he never uncovered the story about Edward Lowe (the inventor of the cat box) funding the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Unions every move,He was thier puppeteer,the mind behind the muscle.Johnny snuck behind the bar and called and ordered a pizza to be delieved to the parking lot in an hour and then he called Box Car Jesus and asked for more of the bogus monies he was making on his personal computer.The rented moving truck full of conterfet cash arrived a half hour before the pizza."My general message to the public will be CensorYou !" The pizza man said under his breath when he seen the tip.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:36 PM 0 comments

Embezzlement
Johnny Francis Nicolas Hollywood picked up the rocket launcher he had recently bought from the C.T.L.M.(The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia) at the "mamogram day fair"They had booths set up where you could pay two dollars and milk a goat,and you know they were selling oatmeal cookies also.Noone asked where the cash might be going to.Johnny Hollywood had anger.He carefully aimed the rocket launcher at Shitbags convertible and in seconds she was a pedestrain."Hope ya all's good at walking there,Shitbag" Box Car Jesus said.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:34 PM 0 comments

"O.K. no more James Dean" Johnny Hollywood promised"Now Johnny I think I have your obession forula figured out you still need a series of labotamies but I think I broke the code, your really digging the red head in december because of Christmas red and white, valentines day red again and august because of the sun turning hair redish when it is destorying it? and blondes april thru july and dark hair girls and bleach blondes all thru the year?" Dr. Gail told him."Uhhhhhh" Johnny Hollywood said as gail filled his tooth around the microchip she was installing in his rotted out molar."More Gas Johnny?" Dr. Gail asked. Johnny Hollywood nodded and gripped the dental chair he recently found in the alley even tighter."Now Johnny, These are'nt fans you have been seeing,they are security,your security" She said as she wiped Johnnys blood on her Nazi uniform."Are You O.K.,Mr. Hollywood?""I just can't believe she would treat me that way" Johnny said."O.K. Johnny so the woman who answers the phone for the escort service scolded you,its not the end of the world" Said Dr. Gail."Well it was laundry day and the taters needed to be cooked! I just keep hearing her say over and over in my mind "WE DON'T HAVE NO ANEREXIC PEOPLE" Johnny said shattered.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:28 PM 0 comments

Its Not Over Until The Fat Lady Stinks
The very obese lady counted Johnny Hollywood's money as sweat poured from her face she was overexcerting herself Johnny thought she might have a heart attack she moved her arms slightly and Johnny could tell she was really working up an appetite everybody stood back in awe how does she do it should she take a break and get something to drink or something shes going to die of dehydration.There she was in the center ring counting the singles like the professional she was "One, Two, Three, Four, Five" "Six, Seven, Eight" The sweat dripped onto each bill making it easier to flip the pages.When she was done Johnny flipped her a ten spot as a tip for such an effort he had never seen.Johnny Hollywood woke up at the protest and thought he was the new woody Guthrie "No more Ghettopoly, No more Ghettopoly" they chanted."Is this going to end the global warming thing?" he asked Shelley. There was no answer."You wanted to hold signs" Said the police officerIn the paddy wagon Johnny seen the leader of one of the opposing bands "Your doing my wife,Your doing my wife" the opposing band leader said to Johnny HollywoodJohnny Hollywood rolled his eyes and said "I was gonna do her but when I got a better look at her I left her for the second guitar player"Satan then spoke up as said "I have other punishments for the second guitar player Johnny Hollywood." Johnny was kinda shocked that the red head still talked to him and he smiled."One and one make three" Johnny Hollywood preached to the passing cars as he stood on the off ramp holding a sign that read "I will work for Gibson Guitars"Just then a white super stretch limo pulled up beside him and he could tell by the scratch under the door it was Olivia's so he pulled his pockets inside out and signed I love you she rolled down her window and said "Get in asshole you look like your in bad shape"Johnny Hollywood threw down the sign and got into Olivias chili cruiser saying" I'm sorry baby" as he was whisked away into the morning
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:18 PM 0 comments

Lunch and War
"228,771 people died because of you Johnny Hollywood, all because You wanted to test that nuke bomb under the sea" Biotched Bertha. Johnny Hollywood looked at Bertha sad with those puppie dog eyes. "I am so tired of bad boxelder coffee and getting the smallest donut because they are saving the largest Boston creme donut for the Capitan."Said Johnny Hollywood. It was kind of a cloudy for Johnny Hollywood's inauguration but a couple of dances from "undercover manger Debbie" cheered him up right quick,He didn't care if she did have grey nose hair. "Censor it" He said.
posted by Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union at 7:08 PM 0 comments


In Check
"There's a reporter back in coach who just gave me an eight ball to talk to you" Said the upstairs maid looking early French slut.Just then Doctor Karen Cervenka burst thru the door wearing a bullet proof scratch and sniff thong and a cape."Who do you think you are?" She yelled at Doctor Gail,"Playing God with Johnny Hollywood's brain,You know you can not erase Tina from his brain and you took it out and was sanding it down like it was a pine wood derby project" Doctor Karen Cervenka seemed to be venting as she pulled out her sword and the keys to her Benz fell to the floor.It was to late to place a bet because the Cat fight was on.The fencing became vicious and Doctor Gail ripped a hole in the cabin wall with her nine iron and the plane started to spin in a down ward.."Look at the gas gauge its not going to happen Johnny Hollywood" said Doctor Gail as she gave him this months bill."Forget about it,Time to bail" Johnny Hollywood said since he wasn't Tera Reid or living in a cartoon."Were going to die Johnny Hollywood" Cried the reporter for the Cross Threaded Times."At least I got to ride in a tow truck with the Worlds Most Beautiful Tow Truck Driver before I died" Thought Johnny F.N.Hollywood as he closed his eyes tight and prayed to a girl that wouldn't even speak to him anymore.Johnny Hollywood opened his eyes and he was at the crossroads.It was empty and someone somewhere was calling one of his names.Johnny Hollywood had few rules to his life but one of them was "Not the Cinnamon Girl, just say No to the Cinnamon Girl" Big red circle with a line thru it."He obviously was stabbed in the back once to many times, Is she a whorecop too? Thus giving him the Whore cop blues" Said the false Bertha."Wait a minute,Thats Sister Christian not Bertha" Johnny Hollywood said as he got ready to wrastle her once and for all for the Title to the Blazer""Johnny Hollywood there's bad news,Bertha done got gone.The aliens in outer space took her, look at these arieal photos of the crop circles just outside of the fields Sweet Bertha normly worked" Said the reporter for the Cross Threaded Times."Your talking to a bot Johnny Hollywood" said the green haired biology student, a little to warm for Johnny Hollywood to face death with which depressed the censorshit out of him because he would rather die somewhere next to Tina right now and with his brain on three screens at all times not only was he going to die he was wrong and in trouble with your honeyness.Johnny F.N.Hollywood spent many nights and days in the hole."How do you like solitary confinement Johnny Hollywood?"Asked the caseworker he rode into town on, most likely He was trying to get some of her seven welfare checks.God dangled Johnny Hollywood from his feet above the bottomless pits of hell,Johnny Hollywood could see the mammoth mountain women ready to eat anything that landed inside the political arena.Inside the hole,The box"I don't really care,I like it better this way more reclusive,Its just you never know if its a plate of maggots or a gosh dawgged happy meal they slide under the door" Johnny Hollywood laughed,Thinking Buttercups was right now on her way to bust him outta there.Closer to the ground the plane spun as lightning lit up the grey clouds like a late seventys waste of film.The cross roads spoke to Johnny Hollywood."We don't take requests Hollywood,You get what you are delt""So thats why I never got Jessica?" Johnny fn Hollywood mumbled with a slight hankering for a barefoot pizza maker instead."Your not doing that little tramp from scenery and costumes are you?" asked the clamp on lug nuts one and two.The entire jury looked mean and hard at Johnny Hollywood."What a landscaper? I think not" replied a true bluesman.Johnny Hollywood took the cult down to the pawn shop and traded them in for six cases of the bootleg milk of crack whore that he personally sold to them to begin with,falseifieng the serial numbers on the mason jars so that everything would be kosher.The real pisser was when Paul Newman's offices called the Hollywood estate to try and buy the recipe for the Milk of Crack Whore but as we all know the Feds done took Johnny Hollywood's favorite Crack Whore and any other crack whores milk would not have the same flavor and most likely taste nasty so now not only did Mr. Hollywood have a bounty out for his favorite all time crack whore others were looking for her too."He's not a sellout,He's not a pimp He's looking for her strictninely for his own enjoyment" Said Johnny Hollywood's award winning landscaper still mad about the earlier dig on ladies in landscaping."And I'm sorry too" Said Johnny F.N.Hollywood.The angel in the cross roads had the blonde pony tail,beautiful white wings and a bunny tail,but she knew not to mix it with Johnny F N Hollywwwd because he wrote the devils words.Johnny Hollywood worked thru the night tunneling his way out of the penalty box only to find himself farther down deeper inTechnical Difficulty"No Johnny F.N. Hollywood I do not believe that changing your name would make a bit of difference to Muff Muff even if you could spell it,If you have made her angry than its on you,dude You messed up somewhere and I have a little thereoy about you always doing that too, its um, I think you mess up often because,No you messed it up backtrack and figure out what made your hot little fiancee so upset didn't you rub her feet?" Asked Dr. Gail in a slight feces seizure.Johnny Albino Sniffer Hollywood tried to think of anything he did wrong and drew a blank, A joker from another deck."Go ask Yoko,when shes ten feet tall" played in his head.Security was intense.A black widow spider crawled out of the well and the Cat Box monkey swallowed it whole.Johnny Hollywood needed extra money so he bought out a couple of nearby cults and sold them from almost twice as much."Something Needs To Die"Satan was already at the crossroads with two violinists.He told Johnny F.N.Hollywood that he had the right spell on the wrong girl and if Johnny Hollywood would write new spells all the day and night he would be able to refinance his soul for the fifth time.cold pain inside"You have no power over me"felt the failures attract and could see the face this means nothing you are weak and have no power over me."Pawns, It is not your opponent this time , It is still the one you truly had the heat for while you have made the choice it will not fade, You know what to do." Said the nameless gypsy"I will not absorb the sickness" Johnny Hollywood said.radio garble"You can't go out with the Presidents daughter" Said Doctor Gail as she tried to make fun of Johnny Hollywood's prissy little stripper honey."Change the channel, Daddy" Said Crazy Linda as she text messaged the neighbors in charge of tracking all computer movement inside the new improved government issue crack whore stunt double's brains hard drive,like they was colombo and hutch over there.Johnny Hollywood didn't give a censor, He started a new spell on a different Goddess,Only he chose a lesser value weaker power.A mortal very beautiful to erase or replace the delicious mistake,impossible.The flames burned in thin black air inside the crossroads"Satan,your wasting my time" Johnny Hollywood said as he laid his words to waste.Johnny F.N.Hollywood thought.....It was only a game of cat and mousejust a joke how could she be serioushe loved her guts.She sat on her thronea high maintance fiesty one at that but worth it"Into the dungeon Hollywood" She ordered.The guards seized himShe used his birth name "Can she do that?" He askedthis was real she must be madof coarse he was wrong and couldn't spellbut what the censor was up? Could this mean they would not breed?The devil was visible in the garden.There was no move to be made without losing a valuable playing piece it was a long shot but there was an opening a straight line down the fret board he could try for"Stay in the penalty box bastard!"Go back to the penalty box Johnny F.N. HollywoodSaid the dream YokoJohnny Hollywood was planning another escape attempt tunneling out of the penalty box.Putting the High Priestess in any attemptive form of check was not going to work and Johnny F.N. Hollywood knew he needed some kind of outside help on the honeypie deluxe.A double dose of the black magic on the dankest ass in the Midwest now that Jessica was disqualified would be in order but with the second guitar players constant hex attempts on Mr. Hollywood coupled together with the depleted supply of magical cocoa milk of crack whore, Johnny Hollywood had very little energy to play with but this was an emergency if he every wanted to woo Yoko on the hood of a boxster in an nice moon lit setting he had to draw a card higher than the devils dictionary."Not a problem" Said the fun loving Johnny F.N. HollywoodJust when Johnny Hollywood "World Champion Albino Sniffer" thought all the smoke had cleared and things couldn't get worseand since it was his B day,well not his B-day but the birthdate on one of his fake I.D.'s he bought from the pigs and had to use to throw off the fans as to his whereabouts.He thought a little celebration was in order,So there he was caught red handed and white mustached down in the fall out shelter with his entire stash of mason jars full of the cocoa milk of crack whore He was taking a little more than a little B-Day nip of the high poentency milk of crack whore"The Tax man was the one who found You Mr. Hollywood but this is bigger than that" Said the Judge who had Johnny F.N. Hollywood's lug nuts in a vice and things weren't getting better."It was strictly for my own enjoyment "Johnny F.N. Hollywood told the mind in charge of the seven false medias."We can call it a movie about the making of the making of Johnny F.N.Hollywoods life" Said the original Bertha.Johnny F.N. Hollywood woke up and both lug nuts one and two were so sorry they offered to do public serviceout on the side of the highway picking up garbage.{The river of censorshit}The inspectors showed up a little sooner than expectedshure the license to run a cult was up to date and hanging on the wall all nice and straightall the weapons were in order.and dizzy had a dazed look in her eyesSo they couldn't get him on any thing there.but because Johnny F.N. Hollywood was homeless He was causing the unknown number of his cult members to be homeless as a result of his apathetic reasoning.So they issued him a citation for that mess up, but it could be worse right Johnny? You could be making candles in Pennsivaina.tapsJohnny F.N.Hollywood woke up and God had urinated on his parade.The Tax man was at the door and as soon as Johnny Hollywood let him in they took Johnny Hollywood's most prized possession,his favorite crack whore."Thats all he had,We couldn't let him keep it,he looked to damn happy." said the Tax man.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 10:57 PM 0 comments

Blues in E
Johnny Hollywood really truely got them ol' blues this time and he played that ol' blues riff.and even the geetard felt the pain. E to A ,A to E then to B seven and back again with seven solos in between."Play the one about the crackwhore losing her kids to The Department of Children and Family Services,Johnny Hollywood" The Neighbors hollered.Johnny Hollywood knew the crackwhoremilk yellow telecrapper must die. It was what god wanted, it was what the world wanted.Johnny Hollywood was not teeth richards and he was not a country music star,in fact he didnt even have a cowboy hat."Where is my flying V where is my S.G." Johnny Hollywood asked God "Where is Muff Muff he asked again.It seemed all the good things in life were replaced with unacceptable crap as it were. "Censor it lets bomb Something" said Johnny Hollywood and pressed the nuke button."Why did you do that Johnny? Your guitars don't run on unleaded" asked the secondary dancehall girl." Cause I just dont give a Censorship baby,why dont you get your teeth fixed?"Johnny Hollywood said it but he didnt mean it, well shure he meant that he didnt care a lot now and shure he meant she should get them teeth fixed and shure he meant that he should have bombed something but what he didnt mean was the way he looked into buttercups eyes he looked but he looked with lies, She was not Muff Muff and there was no sense to try.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 10:01 PM 0 comments

Johnny F'er Faster drank himself into a stupor when he found out he could not get a dozen cat tails delivered to Muff Muff because they were out of season,Well that and the simple fact that he had not yet received the big rock and roll money yet. "The Bull Dyke massage, the bulldyke massage, the bulldyke massage,Is that all you ever think about Johnny Hollywood " Bertha hollered as she Opened up Johnny Hollywood's Mars Hall amplifier and broke off some resistors committing the highest level of Judiasism within the bond of two people under any god or spell "sabataoge" or if this act was committed on the ol' Shitternet it would then be referred to as spamatoge to the art or attemptage thereof of somebody,someone or somehow. The Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union Leaders First Sargent secretly filmed Johnny Hollywood with the camera phones as he rode up and down the elevators in the Hollywood mansion looking for the stunt landscaper undercover debs. "I know he's up to something " said a butchie voice inside the wall. Harpo the award winning landscaper and down stairs maid approached the bench and told a short story about buying oil paintings that were painted by turtles sliding around in the paint and the money earned would go towards the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia's annual spring time ladies night picnic.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 9:05 PM 0 comments

Mere Speculation
Johnny Hollywood bought the stolen pope mobile of EBAY and rode it around the "Jerry Springer Estates Trailer park" mostly to take the garbage from the Johnny Hollywood estate to the dumpster a quarter mile towards the front of the trailer park since they did not come around to each individual trailer home and pick up the garbage."Poor Service,If I ever win the lottery I'm moving to Ol' Kentuck" Said Berthas Momma as she spit a wad of "chew" into a rusted coffee can.Doctor Gail crawled around under the trailer in the dirt with the other trolls trying to hide, She dialed the cellphone and left this disturbing message."Johnny Hollywood for the first time today admitted that he infact has built up his nuclear weapons arsenal."
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:58 PM 0 comments

The Pesky Underground
Johnny Hollywood lounged in Doctor Gails office on the lawn furniture he had found in the trash to cut back on the cost of props."Why are they bothering you,Johnny" Gail asked."The underground is like a big bunch of cops,policing everywhere they go snitching you out at a constent rate worse than the big brother slash big bang theory" Johnny Hollywood told the sweet doctor of marriage reconcilation "Gail"."What underground Johnny? You originaly said they were your crazed fans and we had to listen to your "lunatic fringe" cassette three times when you decided they were the devil and never wanted you to get laid,but I still have not seen anyone Johnny,are they invisible? Maybe you are just paranoid?" Doctor Gail asked.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 4:39 PM 0 comments

Bible Stories
Johnny Hollywood woke up strapped to the bed on the sixth floor of "Our Tard of St.Bertha Hospital"He was in the psychward and he could see foggy rabbits as they zapped him until he wanted the "I love Bertha" medicineHe closed his eyes and could see Helen Hunt on the hood of the hunter green Volkswagon Jetta then it was a white Volkswagon Jetta then a black one then he rubbed chicken all over Marella until she said "se se please for me one favor es quesadillas"Johnny Hollywood then told her she was "To beautiful for his eyes to look at,and that he had to look away" and the next thing you know she was in a big bin of mozzarella and the cameras were rolling.Johnny HappyHour Hollywood had the landscapers carry the big bin of mozarella to the hood of a nineteen fifty nine Volkswagon and forgot that Mariella was not blonde and completely ruined the shot and wasted more film, more film to end up on the cutting room floor, more film to end up in the bloopers file.The lord of the Cat Box threw the first draft of the Cat Box Bible Johnny Hollywood wrote into the fire and then lit his cigar with three hundred dollar bills as the bouncers tossed Johnny back and forth to each other before they took him outside and worked him over, when they finished Johnny Hollywood had a better understanding of what they needed as a Cat Box Bible and gave it another try." You are lying" said the gypsy as she broke the eggs to try to remove the curse.The love spells never worked so why would this.Johnny Hollywood's Gibson S.G. had just as sweet an ass as the hottest angel on the planet so he tried doing a couple of lines off it and it worked just fine, so he tried to eat a bowl of chicken noodle soup off it and everything was kosher there so he tried eating a beef sandwich on it and it was good to go, so he tried pissing while wearing the guitar and he slept with it during the pretest not a problem so he wanted to try to live with the guitar strapped to his body for thirty days and then someone reminded Johnny he might wanna wash his ass during the big bet and He said thirty-six hours would be the amount of time he would be married to the cute little gibson guitar and then there was the time he was going to walk thirty five miles playing the guitar the whole way and that ended up bieng only twenty five miles.Johnny Hollywood's wah pedal was his heart he told the nasty dog faced whore on the way to the garden ,she was not impressed.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 3:23 PM 0 comments
Sunday, February 27, 2005

Wasting even more film
Boxcar Jesus questioned the story line of "Johnny Hollywood {The Movie}""From reading the script here,there seems to be more than you snorting something off an anerexic ass,Johnny.Maybe just maybe you are obsessing a bit? Ya think? You need a doctor" Johnny did need a doctor or a nurse with a nice enough ass to get the lines off the ass scene done and over with once and for all.Johnny Hollywood went to AA meetings to meet girls like the television told him toHe had to forget the night.He put the exlax in sodbusters blatz beer so he would have time to sneak out and disconnect the tractor battery and run off with bertha for the weekend but sodbuster caught them at the airport and Johhny reliegous hollywood found two nice nuns to be his nurse and everything was fine until it came time to snort lines off of the two nuns asses because the first nun had a huge ass which Johnny was use to big asses now but this ass had to be spackled and then johnny used drywall tape to try to cover the craters in the nice nuns extremely big ass there was nothing Johnny could think of that would level off this ass so he tried wood glue and somehow got it all over the lens.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:47 PM 0 comments

Johnny Hollywood noticed Bertha was angry when she pulled up on the tractor with an "Earl is in the trunk" bumper sticker on the back of the tractor.Johnny could'nt understand.He knew the tractor did not have a trunk but who was earl? Was Bertha cheating on him? He started drinking heavily and after he was smashed he tried to call a girl two states away,then he staggered into the dunky donuts and bought two dozen boston creme donuts and ate them as He weaved in and out of traffic on foot.Johnny was important in the world of rock and roll so he spit on the fans while walking down the streetonly problem was that some of the unsuspecting pedistrians were not Johnnys fans at all So when the police got there Johnny had to be the one who wanted to snort lines off the hot generic bleach blondes badge when he was done he gave her a nice bribe.So Johnny thought he was the censorshit until the Union of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia caught up with him and tossed his salad good for bieng "chauvinistic"The whole time Johnny Hollywood denied driving anywhere and said he knew nothing about the late sodbusters wheels off his tractor bieng missing he was watching "twister" when this allegly happen he claimed. thats when the Media released the story of Johnny Hollywood and big Roxy playing twister while under the influence of buddist babes.Immigration kicked in the door at Johnnys party and deported him and the donut crew and it took Johnny two days to get back to town slowing down production even more.Bertha watered the crops while he was away and put a DVD player in the tractor on Johnnys Card."Ya all wanna go out line dancin'?" Johnny asked The sweet goddess Bertha shyly."You can go censor yourself you catbox stain"Bertha said in anger Johnny knew then that there would be no line dancing or lap dancing with the disgruntled super model.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:33 PM 0 comments

Happy Berthaday Mr. Hollywhoops
"I only have time for another drink and a lap dance" Johnny Hollywood explained to the ladies at the fashion show."I'm driving one of my slower camaros today,The ghost of Bertha had burnt my corvettes.Just as Johnny had turned to leave everyone started singing his Birthday song."I really gotta go guys "Olivia" is in the car waiting and she's in labor with my twins" Johnny Hollywood said to noone.Eight people rolled a cake in and Gracie tried to jump out of the cake as a big surprise,but as fate would have it,All those bj's gracie gave the sailors at the bar a block from the military base took its toll Gracie could'nt get out of the cake with eleven people pulling and tugging on her."You swallowed all those years did'nt you Gracie?"Someone from the crowd asked.When the fire department finally got there they had to cut the cake open with a torch and found out Gracie had bags of popcorn duct taped to her legs and arms."You don't love me,leave me sit outside this dive bar" said Honey Pie as Johnny F.N. Hollywood got into one of the slower Camaros he owned."I'll get you there snookums don't you fret,You say you want a dove bar?"Down the road he raced until he got right behind Sodbuster's two mile line of backed up traffic"There outta be a law against tractors in the fast lane" Johnny Hollywood told Honey Pie"Hurry Johnny,My water broke" said Honey pieJohnny Hollywood believed if there was a God she would help him and Olivia get to the nicest hospital around in time for the twins to be born."Johnny,your driving a hundred and thirty-six miles an hour,on the shoulder" She biotched at him.He could see the sun shining in his eyes,he could see Bertha on a tractor blocking the traffic, he could see an angel with blonde hair looking down from heaven and he could see sodbuster way up in front of all the cars weaving so as Bertha could not get past him."Would you look at that? They're up there playing "Tractor Chicken" while your having my babies, Well you had to hatch 'em at Lake Forest Hospital,Honey cakes" Johnny rambled."Embark on my left lugnut" Johnny told the nice Officer after wards.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:08 PM 0 comments

pileashitins
Johnny Hollywood bought the iraqi police department and bought them all new hats and bullet proof vests,gave them all pay raises and nice picasso grey colored badges never mind the americans and health care in the united states he was feeling kinda guilty for wanting to nuke the bad guys even though they are killing americans every single day so You know Johnny Hollywood was a true leader and to show it wasnt about gas, this gas war He sent eighty billion dollars over to the first Iraqi flower shop he found in the phone book and ordered a dozen roses for each of the guys wearing a towel on his greasy head that has killed at least one of the american soldiers."Now that is leader ship" Bertha said soft and seductive in her been taking it up the who who voice then she broke into Johnny Hollywoods favorite song"Happy Bertha Day mr. President" as she began taking off her overalls.Johnny Holywood was so into Bertha when ever she did that ol' Marylin routine he wanted to hop on the John Deere with Bertha and drive it into town as fast as that tractor would go and marry up to Bertha and her great big Bertha ass."You can not do that Johnny Hollywood" said the mind police,It really sucked bieng president thought Johnny Hollywood but it sucked even more having a microchip in his mind and bieng controlled like a puppet ever move he made; every thought he thought read by someone else them knowing his every move before he made it, them knowing when he was going to shit, knowing when and what he was going to eat to make him shit,them knowing what he thought about while he shit it was getting to be to much for Johnny Hollywood and he remembered the only way to stop them from knowing every move controlling every move, stopping every groove would be to kill the mind governed by the microchip which is what they did a long time ago "KILL THE MIND" when they installed the aforementioned microchip in the mind they killed the mind that day now Johnny Hollywood must really kill the pain stop the insane make the change rearrange suicide after one last lap dance from bertha of course.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 5:51 PM 0 comments

The Bertha Acid
After Sweet Bertha kicked Johnny Hollywoods dogs ass, Box Car Jesus took a funny piece of blotting paper and stuck it to Bertha's under arms and took it to the concert and sold it as "Bertha Acid" he made sixty bucks in an hour and after the concert he gave half the money to Johnny Hollywood who then went and got some whole milk motzerella and ground it to crumbs and snorted lines of it off the greasy landscapers super fine twelve point caboose.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:20 AM 0 comments

Mannerisms
Johnny F.N. Hollywood blew his brains out in the snow and the rain there was nothing to live for and he did'nt care. He left a note saying I love you but it was a lie he did'nt love you he did'nt love anything, not even his self but he did stoop your mother with a football before he left this spamhole of a world we live in."Bravo Johnny" said his award winning landscaper who only came to the funeral to eat."I only come to funerals for the women." said the preacher as he farted
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 7:16 AM 0 comments

A Bigger Check A Bigger Trailer
Johnny Hollywood figured out by the look in honeycups eyes that she wanted to breed so he went to the projects and traded two crack rocks for three crack babies and brought them over for honeycups to see his new "kids".She was not impressed "Johnny Hollywoods you take those crack babies back to the projects where you got them! You know you can't keep them,Its one thing buying people to squeeze the Boston creme out of them donuts, but this is bogus as heck" Yelled Miss Honeycups.So her and Johnny Hollywoods took the little crack babies back to the project theys be from and then the biotch made Johnny Hollywood give the nice welfare reciepants an extra rock for their troubles.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 6:47 AM 0 comments

Rave Tonight
Sweet Bertha took her air conditioned John Deere Tractor to be detailed and then warshed by girl scouts so it would look sharp when her and Johnny went to the hootnany that night.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:23 AM 0 comments
Saturday, February 26, 2005

"Breaking the Case Wide Open"
The puppet masters went high tech using expensive cell phones mini cams and highering on a whole new crew to watch Johnny Hollywood's every move and to make sure they found out what color his dookie was before he seen what color it was and first and foremost they had to make certian Johnny Hollywood did not sneak any womenfolk on to the premises because they wanted to keep Johhny Hollywood a virgin for the prearranged wedding with big fat nasty bitch boo.Some of the newbies had to pull allnighters and doubleshifts without overtime most of the time and because they were to stupid to punch out when they had a chance and when playing hide and seek and colombo peek a boo they could not revel themselves whenever they felt the need.Bed pans went not needed in most cases.It is a good thing this projrct was funded by crazy people because if it was government funded the tax payers would really be upset of the wasting of the tax payers monies on an investigation of absolutly no criminal activity what so ever.So what it all comes down to is some dumb ass sat up for three days to photograph Johnny Hollywood eating cookies and milk,great photography by the way."We thought he was doing something wrong,after all His camaro is badge grey" Said closet tard snoopy
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 11:32 AM 0 comments
Friday, February 25, 2005

I think I can, I think I can.
The lord kicked in Johnny Hollywoods front door and the angels sang the theme to barrettaJohnny Hollywood started a new rockin' band called "Cat Box Jaundce"and was hopin' to play the first gig down at the welfare office but the door man was that crazy russian biotch with a gun as big as the guitar Johnny Hollywood played on the just say cheese disaster"Everybody don't write thirty-two songs about the trials and tribulations of Sir Edward lowe and the cat box he invented " said the cat box poetry policeJohnny Hollywood Knew the campaign was going to hell and every station and every voice in the government issue crack whores mind kept saying it.Johnny Hollywood wanted the next band release to have a thirty two page fold out photo display of a pregenent landscaper that was the obligatory..."Johnny Hollywoods playing hand was so callosed from milking the crack whore to feed the rats that he could not play the guitar anymore" Said the conductor to the crowd as they threw Johnny Hollywood from the train for insucfishant funds.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:29 AM 0 comments

I'd like to thank everyone who made this moment pastabowl
That eve Johnny Hollywood was to recieve the award for watching"Twister" as many times as he had watched "Rain Man"But he did not have an acceptance speech prepared because even though he knew the ceremony was coming up he spent all of his timetime time time time time writing sickening pop songs poetry odes and ballads telling the sorrowful tales of the cat box blues in fact he spent an incredible amount of time on one piece called "Sick in the Head from the Cat Box"So much time that he was becoming obsessed with his battle against Edward Lowe (the inventor of the cat box)that he forgot all about the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia Union) known as the C.T.L.M.U.Well Johnny bieng preoccupied, he left his left flank completely open. It was a good thing the cable guys were there to intercept the C.T.L.M.U.'s offensive team with an episoide of last summers bingo party and picnic videoThe camera eye lens was so scratched and cockeyed at that "The little troll that lived under the house must have a sister "Johnny Hollywood thought except this little troll with the half assed installed camera lens eye had blonde hair but have no fear because Johnny Hollywoods stomic over rides his mind in the instance and produced projected vomit in honor of her ugliness and vomit rained from the heavens and vomit rained down the halls.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 2:18 AM 0 comments

More Twister
"Nope, was'nt me" Dr. Gail said quickly"Yeah,forth of July, The Cross threaded Lesbian Mafia Union's picnic" Bertha said as if it was a question.Gail stood up to hide the plaque she had won that day in the wheel barrel races for coming in first place."Now Johnny Hollywood I want you and Bertha Mae to shake hands and say your sorry" Said Gail changing the subject. Johnny Hollywood was sorry all right,he was sorry he ever met Bertha because she had broke his little censorshitstain of a heart every day since.Just then the leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia burst into Gails office and picked up Johnny Hollywood up and tossed him into the wall "SPLAT" he slide down the wall and onto the plastic "Twister" floor covering then she belly bustered the liquid out of his body pinning him in only a couple of seconds."Your going to kill him" Doctor Gail Cried as the leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia tore Gails stockings off.Gail quickly forgot about Bertha and Johnny Hollywood as her and the leader of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia broke every piece of lawn furniture Gail had in her office.Bertha snuk out of the office door in all of the excitment leaving Johnny Hollywood for dead,she did tell the recieptionist at the front desk "Johnny Hollywood could die right now and she would'nt care because he never loved her if he was that obsessed with Gretchen now"
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:11 AM 0 comments

Movin' On Up
Johnny Hollywood went down to the witness relocation center for peoples against the Union of the Cross Threaded Lesbian Mafia and signed up on the waiting list."Its going to be about eighteen months,Johnny" The rude obease woman behind the big desk told him."Unless you want to get on the crew building the iron gates around the "Monkey Farm Estates" and that will speed up your move in date about thirty days" She said with a smile.Well it had been a very long time since Johnny Hollywood had a "Moving Date" so he was anxious to sign up on the list thinking they would never find him in "Crack Housing" and he could get a nice FM radio and a color television outta the dumpster and find a used up crack whore in the laundry room and live high on the hog."Ya all know I don't expect nothin' for nothin',I just gotta hide from the evil doin's of The Cross Threaded killa's" Johnny told her real ashamed like.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 12:06 AM 0 comments
Thursday, February 24, 2005

Lines that get You nowhere
In the elevator Johnny Hollywood practiced his lines he would try on Dr. Catsburgers recieptionist,"We will have a nice dinner and listen to the violins play while we eat and then we will burn a Gibson Flying "V" in the sand beside the ocean on a warm night.Then go back to the hotel and do some bongs and turn the radio on the televison up real loud so no one can hear us fixing the bed.""I will open the car door for you and we will have roses and wine in the hot tub and I will try to get over your thick white thieghs""We will have a few drinks and watch a movie then you will get drunk and piss in the yard under the starry sky""We will talk for hours over coffee and later while you are sleeping I will check your couch cushions for change""We can have a candle light dinner on the seashore as the sun sets and sign up on welfare together"
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 11:59 PM 0 comments

Legalized Ugliness
"What happened to my girlfriend or I mean your girlfriends face?" Doctor Catsburger asked as he had no way to fix it face it or change the law to legalize hemp and that alone could not return the art." I dont care" said Doctor Catsburger "I love her anyway right now and yesterday tomorrow and the day before I love that crack whore with all my might I love her in the morning and I love her at night","Does thoust maketh it right?" asked the second level inside the microchipped mindDoctor Catsburger knew the lies were clouded and hazed inside each line was a secondary slave."You can not be against prostitution and run a whore house" The preacher said.Johnny Hollywood was ready to leave the island now more than ever I will find the answer in the alley in the street I have nothing in this crossroad and no love to believeHeaven had one angel left Everything else was a lieno reason to live no reason dieJohnny Hollywood knew that he must find Seizure Chordsbut unless he burnt the cheese yellow telecaster that was not very likely to happen"Dont burn the telecrapper Johnny its crackwhore milk yellow" said level three inside the microchipped mind
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 11:53 PM 0 comments

Crackwhore with Angel Wings
It doesnt matter anyway You buy a crackwhore you still have to buy cracklike "just add water" just add crack" Said the pilot of the most expensive airline that Doctor Catsburger could find."Whats wrong with your eyes sir?" Johnny Hollwood asked the half blind pilot as they passed the forty ouncer around one more time hiding behind the baggage waiting to be loaded as they got loaded. "How come you drink out here on the runway and not in the nice plush bar like all the other people,Sir"Doctor Catsburger asked the laser blinded pilot."The security is really cracking down on us pilots drinking and all so I drink out here on the runway and sometimes hide in the baggage compartment and get sloppy falling down drunk,why one time I got drunk with osmi ben knobbi" Said the now very drunk pilot of the most expensive airline available."What the censor did you get so sloopy ass drunk fer? "I done forgot" said Doctor Catsburger."I have to get so drunk I can't walk to fly these babies 'cause I feel bad that I actully have a job that the nasty illegal immegrants did'nt already steal from the real true americanos and I'm under so much stress trying to remember the names of eight different hookers in seven different states." Said the half blind pilot as he scratched himself like he had caught the micheal jackson monkey disease.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 11:52 PM 0 comments

World Reknown Cat Box Poet
The lab coat looked official and Jfnh {Johnny Francis Nicolas Hollywood} found the hidden tooth pick key to access the only elevators that could take him off the psychward floor, it was fun for a while but they caught him in the lunch room telling people he was "the legendary Dr. Catsburger and even had the micrometer to prove it""slag" the inoculator shock machine said as it put jfnh's brain on over-extended slo mo Half way in between here and there he wrote more of his famous landscaper love poetry for you here.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 11:47 PM 0 comments

The moon hits Your eyes like a big pizza pie
Doctor Catsburger snuck out in the middle of the night when the moon was hiding behind a cloud and bertha was in her rem rinse cycle out back behind the barn and dug up the mason jars of the milk of magic crack whore where as he swore on the old crack whore her self that the floaties were in fact actual cocca leaves,so when Doctor Catsburger did tell this story Secret Agent Debbie frisked him before during and after the story and everyone lived happily after
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 11:39 PM 0 comments

Jesus Christ Pose
"What the censor is this beeeeeep?" hollered Johnny Hollywood as he threw the script into the toilet."I can't work under these conditions I was promised an angel at the cross roads,I'm from the cross roads baby,thats what I amwheres my angel my inspiration censor You I quit" Johnny Hollywood shouted as he stomped off the set."He can't quit" Said dectective Debs his newly appointed agent."Get him an angel" said his hot hot nurse "MMMM MMMMM""It is too late I am afraid, he is under great stress over the Union of the Desiel siphioning the monies"Said Doctor Catsburger"No No No its the christmas time ever body thinks your christ if you look like Johnny Hollywood and his stunt double didnt know about Johnny Hollywood shaving his head and he did'nt know they were killing the christ like figures in the public this year like the dude from that band what the censor is the name of it the do drag the water some more? man people wanna kill god, and Johnny Hollywood is a chicken censorshit mother censor all year he is god and at christmas he shaves it all to disappear why dont he just go sell books at the airport" Said Doctor Gail"You have to remember he is in public office people will want to off him for nothing" said Johnny hollywoods hot hot nurse "MMMM MMMMM""That is bull censorshit hype started back in nineteen nintey four to get a cult following on the stupid cable show, just a joke it started out as" Said Doctor Billy boy"Oh I used to love that show,My favorite episoide was "Milking Anne Frank" And was that microchip in Johnny Hollywoods brain you guys took out really replaced with a hotwired one you guys made out of Gibson guitar parts or was that more comedy?" asked Doctor Gail."There never was a show" said Doctor Catsburger, "Johnny Hollywierd is delusional and skitzoid in a bad way" He continued.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 11:33 PM 0 comments

Boxcar Jesus and Gretchen made a statement to the press that Johnny Hollywood was in love with a crazy girl who had so many different personalities that he never had to cheat on her because going out with the nut was like going out with forty different women at onceThats how he was so in with the church, not the large donations and corvettes he was chili-cruising the hottest nuns around in."Boxcar Jesus is a jealose CENSOR" replied Johnny Hollywood.The rest of the day was wasted as Johnny spent everything he had at the fair trying to win a teddy bear for Gretchen."Do you know why they call them teddy bears" asked Box car Jesus as he shot up some donut resin"Censor off" said Johnny whoredog Hollywood, as he sharpened the knife.He was hiding his heart for Gretchen to find later.then he snorted some stuffing off the teddy bears ass and got drunk enough to think about Gretchen when he was with Bertha and think about bertha when he was with Gretchen and think about Wendy when he was with Jennifer.Johnny peed his and Gretchens name onto the sidewalk in front of the BK next to the grocery store uptown."He really don't care about anything" said Nasty the bed bouncer Johnny hired to check ID's and guess weights at the end of his bed.She was doing a lot better now that she got used to the job.She was wearing a mans suit and that scared Johnny mostly because of the time Johnny Hollywood led the cult into the bottomless pit of hell and the leader of the cross threaded lesbian mafia crouched above it and urinated into the pit of hell."Repent" cried Boxcar Jesus.Johnny Hollywood found his soulmate a pregenant landscaper who made him the energy milkshakes he needed to drink when he was hung over and sick that was the only time he would have the psychic premanitions where he could see stuff somewhere else or in another time."What do you love?" Johnny Hollywood thought.He loved his guitar and when he dug out the holes in its body to put the skulls and crosses ,jewerly the very lovely latino gave him he only needed to bleed into the wood grain for the color to match the red paint on the guitar.He took his hair and The Queen of the Angel's beautiful hair and wrapped them together around the silver and black onyx cross that the devil gave him as she passed thru the crossroads. then he bled onto it and thru it into the fire,somehow he thought this would bring her to him or him to her, but it never worked with the cornflake girl, so maybe its all a waste of time Johnny thought.Johnny flew to the islands with his little oriental girl friend for the weekend and when he came back Bertha had put all of his clothes and Barry Manilow CD'S out on the curb.You dumb censorbiotch those are'nt really Barry Manilow cds I hide my good mariwauna seeds in them in case the DEA bust in here. God drove by in a white car Johnny thought that she belonged in a white car because it went well with her blonde hair.Johnny went down to the welfare office to find a good home for his gerbil while he was there he remembered he was running low on funds and applied for a federal grant to continue filming the filming of the adventures or what ever the censor he called it he forgot the name now.You can get the link card his case worker told him.Two weeks later Johnny Hollywood was back in the welfare office snorting lines of the chopped plastic link card that was issued to him right off his case workers humoungous ass or asses as it were.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 5:30 PM 0 comments

The Worlds Not Round And The Catbox Moons Not Made Out Of Cheese
"Hail,my much more than fine Queen of the Angels"JOHNNY HOLLYWOOD Said into the mic that was stabbing him in the back while he played the thirteenth soloJohnny Hollywood then called the escort service and requested a nice blonde postal worker who can kill an aligator and skin it without staining her uniform to be sent over in time to make dinner but like always he got hang up on before he could charge it to his bosses card.The hot crack whore began to think she was hearing those voices again last time it was bellsas soon as the boxelder tea was done the upstairs stripper/maid was on the roof hollering for someone to call 911 because the rusted coat hanger abortion gig was'nt going as well as planned.Johnny Hollywood was forever stuck on the Island so far away from civilization buying his tattoo equipment off ebay practicing up on the mental patient volunteers that where so censored up on viks they didnt care if it was a goat they slept with.Nowhere was a supermodel insight coming to save him.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 5:22 PM 0 comments

Message in a Bottle
This morning when Johnny Hollywood woke up and seen Mr. Poohshitski trying to ride the fax machine like it was a surf board and with the news people always talking about the circus cats that got loose and have been spotted last week in Mc Donalds woods he knew those cats were looking for the Rat Acid Band and Mr. Pooh Pooh was trying to signal them about the anti-Cat Box activity that he has been witness to,but Johnny Hollywood has not yet recieved the government grant to further the Edward Lowe project"Operation Finish the Cat Box"."What will Johnny Hollywood really do with the monies to finish the cat box problem if he really does get a government grant to fix it right up? Will he put in a new flush valve? Will he party it all away?Or will he like the bastard he is use the cat box party monies to further stereotype all the women in the world like the bastard he is into little catagories of Berthas, Barbies and Yoko'sbut where would the freckled girl fall in and what about the most hottest of them all how could that one be stereotyped with nothing to compare, but all of it is a contradiction because even with all of this anti-cat box crap he is completly working for the betterment of the aforementioned cat box happiness or just a chance to get next to her cat box like all the world is a sunny day,And with that kind of inspiration Johnny Hollywood pratices more often, But is this the answer to all of Johnny hollywoods problemsyes and no some say.What do you suggest?" The Bertha Meds asked from afar.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 5:16 PM 0 comments

Technically Not a Cross Roads
Johnny Hollywood wished he could just put the groucho shades and moustatche on and give the reins of the cult to anyone who would take them so as he could let go of it "Take Time To Smell The Crack Whores" is the way he put it a little time off to reflect on my loss a little time to reflect on my gain.time to relax miller time only with Old Style focus focus is rightmaybe the spell was holding him back while there was negitive energy facing him that was so weak it did'nt matter a bit he could really censor the source up if he felt like it.It was all an excuse he wanted something new that was powerful something that could make his heart stop beating, like for instance The Queen of the Angels."No Johnny you must play the devils song" A voice spoke from the gardenThe garden.... He could see her outline her shape her formJohnny Hollywood knew he had seen Cupcakes before, in another time, another life, atmosphere somewhere thats why he held on to her he knew he had some tie to her and his soul that some many stories have been told about did exist and was tied to hers so No Negative he could not release the spell and he should close the gap between their minds by losing faith he could would lose everything she was. she was from the garden as she was from somewhere so was Johnny Hollywood but alas Johnny Hollywoods only fan that counted thought she liked Johnny Hollywood without even knowing how to start to know him at all.Who the censor was she to assume who or what he was without even bothering to adlib a script with him just survielance tapes and cameras holes in the wall she was nothing to Johnny Hollywood and did'nt exist like big brother always there Johnny had no brothers leftonly cameras hidden cameras pepperionipoperrotzie bogus photo shoots with security caught off guard and more hidden cameras and wasted film"But what about the crack whores Johnny Hollywood,ain't you gonna smell them now?"asked Johnny Hollywoods shitternet stalker biotch.God left the biggest bulldyke in the cross roads and when Johnny Hollywood formally complained thats when God up in heaven found a loop hole as fast as you can make me a nice cheesecake God told Johnny Hollywood that the reason the biggie sized nightmare was in Johnny's crossroads was that Johnny Hollywood was not at a crossroads.which was actually was true.Johnny Hollywood was getting tired of waiting for the big rock and roll monies to fund his expedition to go sniffin' round The Queen of the ANGELS and decieded if the Edward Lowe Cat Box grant money did not come in soon and if he did'nt end up in a psychward getting a nice little government "nut check" he would just walk down yonder barefoot if he had to since it was only thirty seven point six million cat boxes units of measurement away.As a birthday surprise Johnny Hollywoods granny and great granny bought him more of the counties ugliest hookers and he did'nt know what to do with the problem so he called up you when they were in the back ground to make you jealose but did it work? ha So there Johnny Hollywood was trying to explain to Miss 2004,1. He was not using other women as inspiration and2. just a lot more of number 1.the sun came out and the skies are blue blue and white Johnny Hollywood could not find the retarded bitch that agreed to let the band duct tape the camera to her head so he thought the next best thing to do would be to hire snookums to hold the camera and film this mornings emergency brain surgries and that is all nothing else was required of her,what so ever,they had no binding contract that she would have to wear any kind of outfits like the chatholic school outfit or the french maid outfit or nurses uniform just as long as she filmed the whole thing because Johnny Hollywood knew going into this that the sweet doctor was only praticing.Johnny Hollywood lay on the cold steel table and Dr. Gail took his brain out and dropped it in the floor and kicked it across the room.like a sponge that was soaked with water it was heavy and full of Tina Dr. Gail was pissed she just spent all that time last week sanding Tina off the outter edges of Johnny Hollywoods brain and it was backDr. Gail squeezed Johnnys brain until it was dry and threw it into the fireplace.Then the camera girl Johnny hired {who was wearing the catholic school mini skirt all on her own} got a great close up of Johnny Hollywoods brain melting"Nice camera work" Said Dr. Gail.Johnny Hollywood went back to the crossroads where the devil always hides.The Gypsy woman was looking mean and nasty"You must release the spell, Johnny Hollywood,before it's to late" She said as her eyes burned into Johnny's, and after a few lap dances He wanted to see into the crystal ball for himself if only to watch a few previews.I am under contract to write poetry thats all,nobody said it could'nt be about Cat Boxes'& Crack Whores,Now give me my money" Johnny Hollywood yelled into the phone as he sat at a table in the middle of the " greasory" . Embarassing the biggest heffer he could get to fit in the door as she ate the breadsticks from the neighboring tables.
posted by DoctorCatsburger at 5:01 PM 0 comments

"Sand in the Cameras"
"Stop it Johnny Hollywood,you are a poet and your fans are broker than you"said the award winning Landscaper "Harpo"Edward Lowe opened the bible to the part about the bottomless pit and explained to Johnny Hollywood that God in fact wanted it to be like this because of the beatles.Johnny Hollywood called Doctor Gail and told her he found Charlie Manson.Gail told Johnny Hollywood to look for Jimmy Hoffa because none of the Mansons were missing ,not Charlie not Axel not sexy sadie not shurely and not even Marlyn.Johnny Hollywood told Dr. Gail he would do the union jokes from here on out.Johnny Hollywood carried his brief case full of blues into the office of Mr. Edward Lowe and explained to the man himself that the project would be closer to bieng complete if they together introduced plumbing to the cat box world bringing the Cat Box and its followers out of the dark ages of the Cat Box.shure there still would be people living with a foot and a half by two foot sand box slash Dookiepile in thier living spaces but they would become the hillbillies of Cat Boxism sorta like the people of West Virginia who still had out houses. Johnny Hollywood went on to explain that he would drop the series of law suits he had pending against Mr. Edward Lowe and his unfinished Cat Box invention if only they could work together on project "Cat Box Plumbing" and Johnny Hollywood then show the home movie of him and the lovely Crackwhore and rewound it over and over again to the part where she said "O.K. You can clean my Cat Box" although the "Hocker in it and its good to go method" did not apply here and none of this had any thing to do with the homemade plumbing the man from the fish store made for all of his tanks, it shure made Edward Lowe happy to hear about a series of fish tanks all hooked up together and he was really happy about converting this to the cat boxes and could picture twenty five cat boxes all tied together in a series of cat box plumbing experiments all over an entire room."Now all we gotta do is get the government to give us a grant to further develop the cat box" Johnny Hollyweed told Edward Lowe.This seemed like the wrong thang to say to a man of Edward Lowes great importanceand to insinuate that the Greatest accomplishment the man had ever made, his reason for bieng on this planet (as he put it)was unfinished was obsurd."Ok Crazy Eddie,You sir are in denial here buddy,you invented a box of sand for kittys to censorshit inside a house,a living space for humans,but we need to find a way to flush sand and gravel with out it backing up"Johnny Hollywood told him as he opened another beer and slammed the hourglass onto Edward Lowes desk shattering it into pieces.Johnny Hollywood then sat on the luxury office furniture in Mr. Esdward Lowe's office and thought about how he would spend the grant monies,Then he telephoned his fiancee to tell her to quit bieng such a jealose censor and spreading slag about his inspiration because he was going to marry her if she got a white dress and not the inspiration although the inspiration did make him dizzy then Johnny Hollywood thought even more about how he would spend the grant monies"Heckski Yeah" he said as he rolled the pvc out across the floor of Edward Lowes office."Coffee filters"Edward Lowe said as his nurse cut him off and pryed the bottle from his hands."The new improved Cat Box pump?"Edward Lowe asked as he was given a double dose of his Cat Box Meds and tucked in for the night.That night Edward Lowe dreamed about a big cat box still, like sand waste refinery and at the same time Johnny Hollywood was across town at Marriotts Resedence Inn with a nasty crack whore dreaming about winning the lottery and getting a nice corvette to match the hot little bartenders eyes.When Johnny Hollywood awoke in the middle of the night his favorite crack whore was pretending that she was'nt trying to rob him and said she dreamed of a cat box quick sand pit sorta like the atari game pit fall."You just don't understand plumbing" Johnny Hollywood told her as he censored her middle toe.Just then Bertha's Mom kicked in the door and cranked up the flame thrower full blast the party seemed to be over.Thats when a vision came to Johnny Hollywood"burn the censorshit like hitler did the jews"he thought"a little censorshit furnace underneath the main layer of the cat box and kittys like it warm right?"Johnny Hollywood asked."If your gonna get all this cat box grant money won't ya all need a some sorta cat box advisor?" asked the hottest crack whore this side of the mason-dixon line wondering where the next rock was coming from.Johnny had the dirty landscaper back the truck full of goats up into the parking lot and let them all lose"what about a nice goat box for your kitchen?"Mister Edward Lowe asked the crowd that had gathered to see what was going on.
posted by DoctorCatsburger
-------------
:
-


MISS JANUARY,FEBRUARY,MARCH AND APRIL 2005

Cassandra Cassie


-------------
:
-


yesterday I came undone
when I took a potatoe peeler
and began rubbing it up and down
our new bars of soap

hours later I was surrounded
by the fresh Irish spring sent
and covered in green shavings
that I would later pour down
all of the vents

the evening rolled in like
Tiger Wood's 16th hole ball
at the Masters and that was
very smooth like peanut butter

I am looking for my heppy pin
because I need a shot
call an ambulance I feel hot
for saying a food word I am alergic to
and therefore i should have not

I hope daylight comes back soon
so that I can return home
to view the moon and listen to the loons
while smelling the outcome from using my
potatoe peeler in a different way earlier today

-------------
Anonymous
-


What is your stance?

what about romance
and the prancing
around i n?
-------------
Anonymous
-


hey vance
next time you get a chance
I need to you do the eye dance
that turns into the deep trance
and do this
instead of the shy glance
because I am going to France
with Lance
and I need back my pants
you took from me while at Grant's

-------------
Anonymous
-


positive and negative emotions
splatter each other as they collide
and as they cancel each other out
out the vent they do slide
I am prone to self mutulation
because it helps me deal with the pain
and even though I am in pain
from chewing myself all up
I do not mind this hurt
for its a different kind of aweful feeling
one where I have total control
leaving behind thousands of thoughts
I do believe I will never get caught
plotting to make you go away
unless you find a way to stop
-------------
Anonymous
-


the cold blue truth is worth a thousand churns
with tasteless and nameless love the conquer of devils
clear the dame
how sensless it must seem that after such a terrible
shame it matters not what i speak but how i reap

to say the least i save your sweet intent to leave your cravings clean
plot the wound that made your sooth
discover truth and only new
will carry stray
and almost stain
the countless brain
you entertain

for with a date that will remain
the same thru yours its vain

lament was the shape that took over my closest space.
it went from covers in dreams to severs in themes
the countless progression has left me in debt
i will let you leave me to better fake your neglect

the fact that your gay is almost re pressed
-------------
chachi charms
-


the cold blue truth is worth a thousand churns
with tasteless and nameless love the conquer of devils
clear the dame
how sensless it must seem that after such a terrible
shame it matters not what i speak but how i reap

to say the least i save your sweet intent to leave your cravings clean
plot the wound that made your sooth
discover truth but only soon
will carry stray
and almost stained
the countless brain
you entertain

for with a date that forever will remain the same thru yours its vain
lament was the shape that took over my closest space.
it went from covers in dreams to severs in themes
the countless progression has left me in debt
i will let you leave me to better fake your neglect

the fact that your gay is almost repressed
-------------
chachi charms
-


milk the crack whore milk the crackw hore
-------------
Anonymous
-


the umbrella stealer is the one for me

-------------
Anonymous
-


the umbrella stealer is the one for me

-------------
Anonymous
-


I have to be a lesbian with your mother for this little bit of herion that is not worth it while I think I am the james bond of STD's playing the peeky peeky boo boos
-------------
Anonymous
-


I had no ideal you looked that hot
-------------
Anonymous
-


the poem about death and destruction was well written and if I may I would like to add onto that ...

Nature's fine

The true role of Nature
should not be misunderstood
it challenges our existence
in ways we
never imagined it could

To some it seems like a warning
and to others it may look
like a storm. Each person is different
and that is why each does
see a different form

It should be neither here
nor there as to who is
right. But more importantly
it is to just be aware.



Current Reality and the Purposed Reality

it seems the world has a place to go
the vision of one - or so we think
It may not be much - the feelings
we have inside but the truth
is out there - we just have to strive

Some need proof while others
just believ - that stands for
anything - just plain
human nature indeed

There will be a gap that
divides mankind - it
is already in the making
and is not hard to find

Take a look around and there you
will see the guilty and the
innocent - one in the same
trying to be free

Are the blinders still on or did
we take them off. The environment
needs an answer - so as to not get lost




-------------
Anonymous
-


my mind serves only you
and when anyone else
tries to reach me
they are told that
the mind they are
trying to reach
is currently unavaila ble
-------------
Anonymous
-


Death and destruction now covet the land
Satan has appeared who has taken a stand
Leaders are falling from both near and far
With many great losses from nuclear war
Crops are failing - famine is on rise
Satan is leading and telling more lies
All from the start he’s been setting the stage
As panic grows widespread from evil and rage
Oceans that boil – the earth is on fire
So many are dying from what Satan conspires
Quakes, winds, blizzards, and rains
So much is now gone with many lives claimed
Red turns the moon and black turns the sun
Rocks fall to earth with no where to run
Bodies lie rotting, all taken by plague
And those once with so much, today they all beg
Computers are crashing – Wall Street is no more
Things will not be as they once were before
There will be no escape – there is no where to hide
Causing numbers to rise from mass suicide
The dead have now risen, those Satan enlists
To continue a war where so little exists

-------------
Anonymous
-


We are
what we are
with what we have
to become
want we want
with what we have
nothing can stand before us
to deny life to be
what we are
to be what we want
-------------
rene' thomas
-


We are
what we are
with what we have
to become
want we want
with what we have
nothing can stand before us
to deny life to be
what we aer
to be what we want
-------------
rene' thomas
-


bring the money assmunch
-------------
Anonymous
-


Queen of backwards land I am
and as such I have the power
from my gothic like tower
to make everyone I rule over
think, speak and write in riddle
For example, I put the smokin
in art by becoming a national
historical site and at the same time
I spent all day turning new leaves
at the everything under the sun cafe which
by the way is located by mill pond. I was
responible for having everyone staying cool
during the exodus of exodus and if that isn't
enough my powers gave me permission to ruin
a person's personal belongings and dump a person
because of a supposed mental illness. I remain
Queen of backwards land who owns a band that is
very low key but they also have the ability to do
orgami

-------------
Anonymous
-


I am trapped inside a gameboard
there is no wiggle room for me
I am lip locked in the corner
why can't he just let me be
there are many other pieces
untouched by his soul so why
doesn't he just make them his goal
Like a book he has read me thoroughly
and knows my next move even before
I've had a chance to realize it
It's like he's looking at me from above
but at the same time trying me on like a glove
there is no where to run from his wit
because he built this gameboard without a door

-------------
Anonymous
-


free
-------------
.
-


I am surrounded by chaos and madness
two of the most harassing words there are
Other then death or pain I can think of
many other words I would rather be bugged by
Not one of the words I have mentioned have
any goodness to them and its a darn shame
the crows are plentiful and that usually
is not a good sign especially if the caw

-------------
Anonymous
-


nutfarm/harm/warm/charm/alarm/arm
-------------
Anonymous
-


I have to hide and sneak around and have lesbian relations with your mother when I would rather, well
what would I rather do??... I could use some plastic surgery no,that would cut into my herion fund.Hmm
I had it all written in hiaku formation a minute ago
I

I have to hide and seek a peeky peeky Yeah
I have lesbion relations with your mother,baby
but I would rather have them with a you

wait a minute nothing ryhymes with nutfarm
Yeah that reminds me why I thought I was like a rocket scientist last week its because everyone I know is heavily medicated and thus they are not that bright because thier thinking is slowed down to drag ass dead,oh well.I want to walk from here on out.
-------------
.
-


better not, we want to keep this on the down lo,shhhhhhh,they are watchi ng.
-------------
Anonymous
-


I am tempted to email you
especially after I read
about michael reynolds
and then saw what happened
to philip glass
-------------
Anonymous
-


my words not rotten,that is an untru th
-------------
Anonymous
-


No where to run...No where to hide...No where will find you...as you go nowhere inside...thats what makes a million to one...bet you do...find forgotten...down right rotten...promises from you...yet in the latter day...sunrise spray in darkest of nights...serious inquires only...till the soul takes off in flight...Something to No one's...left better off unsaid...so come Somewhere with Someone...and let resting praise open Another one.
-------------
DD
-


www.poetrypoem.com/7sweetandsour7
-------------
Anonymous
-


for the first time I saw you
so I know that you exist


telescopes used for something
other than looking to the sky
don't look away you have such
beautiful eyes

Binoculars bring me closer to you
each and every night
when there's nothing much else to do
I put you into my sight

the camcorder allows you and I to interact
almost like I am getting to know you
but not quite because of the distance we do not lack
I am not able to

I am fresh out of tapes or we'd be chatting right now
not to worry though so no need to have a cow
because I am always watching your every move
I practice and rehearse your groove

If I cannot have you for real then inside me
I will place you for me to have when I need
right now someones accusing me of using you
nevermind I am only paranoid because of the weed


-------------
Anonymous
-


mind games deluxe
-------------
Anonymous
-


you can take my hard drive away
but in it place will be another
some sunny day
-------------
Anonymous
-


today is the day I break away
from under your love lust spell
those days are over for me
I am done feeling like hell
I can no longer stay somewhere
that I was never bound to
in the first place and I know
now that I was only made to see
it from a spellish kind of way
-------------
Anonymous
-


Sara for Pope
-------------
.
-


now i'm into boris vallejo
what the is up with that?.
-------------
Anonymous
-


I make boxes out of paper
in most of my spare time
some are even and others
are absolutely not square
-------------
Anonymous
-


volcano

for years I have had this secret
that has been building up inside
and now it is waiting to explode
it would only take one discovery
and I would definitely be caught
this game would then be finished
and my dream left alone to erode
while there's nowhere to hide me
everyone would be free to see it
this secret I've been keeping to
myself for way too long it seems
and now it has run out of enough
room to breath so it must sneeze
to rid itself of me and my shame

-------------
Anonymous
-


whola hoop, whola hoop, give me some soup
train, train, feed my brain
car, car, take me far
boat, boat, help my throat
bike, bike, please don't be a tryke
feet, feet, let us meet
tractor, tractor, can I have a cracker
lagoon, lagoon, what about my spoon
shoal, shoal, lend me a bowl
horse, horse, I have remorse
-------------
Anonymous
-


Ghandi made sense
Ravi makes sense
Deepak Chopra makes sense
the movie the terrorist makes sense
hollywood/bollywood makes sense
aladin makes sense
molgy and a singing bear make sense


Allen it is time to move on from being
a vegabond in vaughan and come live closer
to me where you will be free from the noise
of everday life and the only strife you will
have is learning how to interact with toys
-------------
Anonymous
-


you have a vice grip hold on my heart
which has made me love you from the start
even during the times when we were apart
I heard you when you said you liked bart
and I remember playing pool not darts
you even said stay cool and be smart



my day is filled with green
chop chop says the scissors
as they make their way into
the red hair

She'll be coming around the mountain
plays loudly between my ears
and the strike from a match
could hardly be heard

Inhaling the goodness inside the fresh air
is what I will do as soon as I get there
I am covered in the smoke produced by the toke
and now the idiot landlord is here to read me the riot act he himself made up after he became sick of being too high from the air in my zone that travelled through the vents and reached him almost every day there was green

This lord thinks I am a punk that he can just push around as if he was manhandling a push pin by forcing it to give the cork board a needle to drouse the cork board so that the push pin could hunk the cork board up

One thing is for sure as I open the door to see what he wants and that one thing is that today unlike any other green day, I the supposed punk will be evicted
-------------
Anonymous
-


dookie
-------------
Anonymous
-


where could you be now
possibly in this maze
somewhere but how
unless through the cell
or perhaps you have come in
through the other electronic
craze I wonder how I could tell
if you were following me or so
far deep I could yell uriah heep
and it would take light years for
you to hear my peep I also wonder
why you would be interested in
this place considering its not about
paint unless you are reading about it
or it could be that you are looking at
it but one thing is for sure and that is
you are not personally drawing it here
I didn't know that you had what it takes
to speak the language rather than just drawing
it temporarily until the squad comes along to
wash it off so if you are near then you will be
able to hear what I have to say to you which is
I need to let you know that I can afford to be
board by your absense so long as it is you that I
can speak to, follow and be followed is also something
I enjoy doing with you and there is no hope that one
day I will stop what I say to you because quite frankly I have passion when I write, think, and speak to you and that means a lot to me that only you can set me free emotionally, physically, and sexually



-------------
Anonymous
-


I smoke the toke and I choke
please give me my coke
my licence will be revoked
because I awoke to find myself
in a volkswagon begging the police
not to charge me for making the lady croke
by soaking her in gasoline from the car I broke
-------------
Anonymous
-


there is only so much I can say in one day
if I say anything more I'm bound to give it away
before everything begins during mid may


I know you know that we both know it is us
you know that I know that we both know it is us
we both know that you know and I know it is us
we both know that I know and you know it is us
you must know and I must know of our love
if neither of us knows about our love then
how are we suppose to love each other?


I love you and always have (7 and 22)
-------------
Anonymous
-


I got myself a new identity
just picked it up yesterday
some assembly is required
but when it is completed
I will be new all around
There is only one problem
and it deals with where
I got it from to begin with
I actually never paid for it
and instead I stoled it
from a person in my past
It used to belong to him
until I came back to reclaim
his love but he wouldn't give
me that so I acted as if I had
no choice and took it from him
on the same weekend as Joyce
and truthfully that was the last
time I ever heard his voi ce
-------------
Anonymous
-


gone are the days when one can just lie around
and relax to the good old sound of geetars pounding
very loud out from the speakers bought from town
-------------
Anonymous
-


just like many other folk
I don't smoke but I sure do toke
and then I like to poke fun
which makes people run
and causes me to be done
-------------
Anonymous
-


the time just sprung forward 1 hour...
spring around the corner April shower...
the SON is at the door knocking louder...
I will not force my way in dont be a coward...
planting life seed in cold ground it wont flower...
death holds nothing over me I have the power...
His word is sweat to me but to you it is sour...
we both sail troubled waters but I find safety in the Lighthouse tower...
-------------
DD
-


Sorry I am not accepting new applicants at this time
-------------
FUCK OFF
-


I wish one night could be ours
and that everything we did on
this night we got away with

If this were a real night
I would not be able to tell you
all of what I would do to you
for that would only spoil this night

Since this night will never be
I am sure you will agree that its
fine for me to express to you what I see
happening between us should something set us free

I do know that this night is hot
and with us in this night we are
only making it hotter

when us two are put together we behave like
chocolate would on someone's hands or fingers
and we melt all over, under, and through each other
so that in our moment of oneness we can look right at
each other and know for absolute surity that we are a match but we have been made never to fit because our power we would make from meshing like this during this night would not only scare them to shit but it would also cause them to flight because of the fright our power created this nig ht
-------------
Anonymous
-


You slither around while I sleep
not making a sound nor a peep
creeping along the floor so tight
your stomach experiences rug burn
but that doesn't stop you tonight

peering around the corner your eye
catches a glimpse of me sleeping
quietly over to me you do limp
there at my side you do not hide
I see you now and wished I hadn't turned

reaching out as far as an elastic can
you call for my hand to join you
as you set out for the fantasy land
in order to eventually get some mistress stew
I cast away the doubt and go and get burned

fast asleep I did go when you pachulyed me so
that like a lion you could prowl around here
searching for my weakness high and low and then
out the window you climb down like a monkey pro
taking with you my big fat toe, my doe, and all of
my blow now that is low and to not even leave my key
-------------
Anonymous
-


I know you mean well
but still there is no excuse
for your stupidness and not even
"I was born with it" will suffice
it is not hard to separate those
who play dumb from those who are
sincerely conceived to be that way
and in your case you are acting
so that you're not the chosen one
to live your life responsibly

eyah whateva - "I'll (shortform for I will) meet you in the next life so don't be late"

-------------
Anonymous
-


I know you mean well
put in the process
you make it seem like hell

always living up to the
perception of others by
trying to prove you can't
that way when the time comes
all you have to defend is the
proven fact that you are not capable
even though deep down you know you are
and that the perception of others is not
only not important but could be changed
about you if you would just change
-------------
Anonymous
-


do you mean you are and therefore it should be you're or did you mean that I own a stupid and therefore you are or you're saying to me your? ... just asking ...
-------------
Anonymous
-


mind games
dont seem to work when your stupid
and the mind you wish to fuck is not

-------------
Anonymous
-


please play with me
she said to him
and he said no
which means he
turned her down
in more ways then
one she was out of
fun before it even
had begun because
today he had a gun
and blasted it at
his only begoten son
who is now up for attempted
suicide charges after he failed
to make his new life begin. Apparently
he did not rehearse his part at all
and just tried to do it on a whim?

-------------
Anonymous
-


even if your words to me can only be lies
at least give me something else like hair oil treatments instead of what you are giving me which is the silent treatment

so what if your looks at me will only ever be in fantasy
who cares of the fact that you are lonesome for me but for you and us there never will be an eventually

you could spare me the punch in the ribs by leaving me some kind of hope that you cannot cope right now because of the passing away of the pope and also because I am not there to comfort you in your favourite chair

Although it is obvious about my right reserve 50 percent of my heart to you it is not as obvious that I never did

whatever said the math student to the georgraphy test because he knew that she gave it 100 percent


-------------
Anonymous
-


super sized chick with
a cigarette sized dick
rain as hard as bullets
coming down real fast
like mario andretti
I'm coming at chew
from the past
give me a kleenex
for I think I just sneezed
my way into the deep vast
of space where time has a
whole new meaning that I
no nothing about because
I had no idea until now
and no longer can I be
filled with doubt of its
existence as after all it
is going to bring me to you
like spring brings the summer
which is real soon
-------------
Anonymous
-


crackwhore garage sale in the rain
-------------
.
-


Proverbs BABY!!!

Proverbs 1:8 My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:

Proverbs 1:33 But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from fear of evil.

Proverbs 2:6 For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 2:11 Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee:

Proverbs 3:1 My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.:

Proverbs 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Proverbs 3:7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.

Proverbs 3:13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.

Proverbs 3:19 The Lord by wisdom hath founded the earth; by understanding hath he established the heavens.

Proverbs 3:27 Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of thine hand to do it.

Proverbs 3:35 The wise shall inherit glory: but shame shall be the promotion of fools.

Proverbs 4:1 Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding.

Proverbs 4:5 Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth.

Proverbs 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

Proverbs 4:10 Hear, O my son, and receive my sayings; and the years of thy life shall be many.

Proverbs 4:13 Take fast hold of instruction; let her not go: keep her; for she is thy life.

Proverbs 4:18 But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.

Proverbs 5:7 Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth.

Proverbs 5:21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings.

Proverbs 6:23 For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:

Proverbs 7:2 Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.

Proverbs 8:4 Unto you, O men, I call; and my voice is to the sons of man.

Proverbs 8:5 O ye simple, understand wisdom: and, ye fools, be ye of an understanding heart.
Proverbs 8:6 Hear; for I will speak of excellent things; and the opening of my lips shall be right things.

Proverbs 8:10 Receive my instruction, and not silver; and knowledge rather than choice gold.

Proverbs 8:11 For wisdom is better than rubies; and all the things that may be desired are not to be compared to it.

Proverbs 8:13 The fear of the Lord is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.

Proverbs 8:14 Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength.

Proverbs 8:17 I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.

Proverbs 8:19 My fruit is better than gold, yea, than fine gold; and my revenue than choice silver.

Proverbs 8:23 I was set up from everlasting, from the beginning, or ever the earth was.

Proverbs 8:27 When he prepared the heavens, I was there: when he set a compass upon the face of the depth:

Proverbs 8:32 Now therefore hearken unto me, O ye children: for blessed are they that keep my ways.

Proverbs 8:34 Blessed is the man that heareth me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors.

Proverbs 8:35 For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favour of the Lord.

Proverbs 8:36 But he that sinneth against me wrongeth his own soul: all they that hate me love death.

Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.

Proverbs 9:11 For by me thy days shall be multiplied, and the years of thy life shall be increased.

Proverbs 10:2 Treasures of wickedness profit nothing: but righteousness delivereth from death.

Proverbs 10:6 Blessings are upon the head of the just: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.

Proverbs 10:8 The wise in heart will receive commandments: but a prating fool shall fall.

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.

Proverbs 10:14 Wise men lay up knowledge: but the mouth of the foolish is near destruction.

Proverbs 10:21 The lips of the righteous feed many: but fools die for want of wisdom.

Proverbs 10:29 The way of the Lord is strength to the upright: but destruction shall be to the workers of iniquity.

Proverbs 11:2 When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.

Proverbs 11:4 Riches profit not in the day of wrath: but righteousness delivereth from death.

Proverbs 11:8 The righteous is delivered out of trouble, and the wicked cometh in his stead.

Proverbs 11:12 He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.

Proverbs 11:14 Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellers there is safety.

Proverbs 11:16 A gracious woman retaineth honour: and strong men retain riches.

Proverbs 11:17 The merciful man doeth good to his own soul: but he that is cruel troubleth his own flesh.

Proverbs 11:21 Though hand join in hand, the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered.

Proverbs 11:23 The desire of the righteous is only good: but the expectation of the wicked is wrath.

Proverbs 11:28 He that trusteth in his riches shall fall; but the righteous shall flourish as a branch.

Proverbs 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.

Proverbs 12:1 Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish.

Proverbs 12:4 A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 12:13 The wicked is snared by the transgression of his lips: but the just shall come out of trouble.

Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.

Proverbs 12:19 The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

Proverbs 12:28 In the way of righteousness is life: and in the pathway thereof there is no death.

Proverbs 13:6 Righteousness keepeth him that is upright in the way: but wickedness overthroweth the sinner.

Proverbs 13:10 Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.

Proverbs 13:13 Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.

Proverbs 13:14 The law of the wise is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.

Proverbs 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

Proverbs 13:21 Evil pursueth sinners: but to the righteous good shall be repayed.

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Proverbs 14:5 A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies.
Proverbs 14:7 Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

Proverbs 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Proverbs 14:15 The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.

Proverbs 14:16 A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident.

Proverbs 14:19 The evil bow before the good; and the wicked at the gates of the righteous.

Proverbs 14:21 He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.

Proverbs 14:25 A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies.

Proverbs 14:26 In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.

Proverbs 14:30 A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.

Proverbs 14:34 Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin is a reproach to any people.

Proverbs 15:1 A Soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.

Proverbs 15:11 Hell and destruction are before the Lord: how much more then the hearts of the children of men?

Proverbs 15:16 Better is little with the fear of the Lord than great treasure and trouble therewith.

Proverbs 15:17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.

Proverbs 15:20 A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish man despiseth his mother.

Proverbs 15:24 The way of life is above to the wise, that he may depart from hell beneath.

Proverbs 15:25 The Lord will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow.

Proverbs 15:27 He that is greedy of gain troubleth his own house; but he that hateth gifts shall live.

Proverbs 15:29 The Lord is far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous.

Proverbs 15:33 The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.

Proverbs 16:1 The preparations of the heart in man, and the answer of the tongue, is from the Lord.

Proverbs 16:2 All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the Lord weigheth the spirits.

Proverbs 16:3 Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.

Proverbs 16:4 The Lord hath made all things for himself: yea, even the wicked for the day of evil.
Proverbs 16:6 By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the Lord men depart from evil.

Proverbs 16:7 When a man's ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.

Proverbs 16:9 A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.

Proverbs 16:18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 16:19 Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud.

Proverbs 16:20 He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.

Proverbs 16:23 The heart of the wise teacheth his mouth, and addeth learning to his lips.

Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.

Proverbs 17:6 Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

Proverbs 17:25 A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him.

Proverbs 18:4 The words of a man's mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook.

Proverbs 18:7 A fool's mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul.

Proverbs 18:10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Proverbs 19:5 A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall not escape.

Proverbs 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.

Proverbs 19:22 The desire of a man is his kindness: and a poor man is better than a liar.

Proverbs 19:27 Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.

Proverbs 19:29 Judgments are prepared for scorners, and stripes for the back of fools.

Proverbs 20:5 Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.

Proverbs 20:6 Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?

Proverbs 20:7 The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.

Proverbs 20:9 Who can say, I have made my heart clean, I am pure from my sin?
Proverbs 20:11 Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.

Proverbs 20:12 The hearing ear, and the seeing eye, the Lord hath made even both of them.

Proverbs 20:15 There is gold, and a multitude of rubies: but the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel.

Proverbs 20:20 Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness.

Proverbs 20:22 Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the Lord, and he shall save thee.

Proverbs 20:24 Man's goings are of the Lord; how can a man then understand his own way?

Proverbs 20:27 The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord, searching all the inward parts of the belly.

Proverbs 20:29 The glory of young men is their strength: and the beauty of old men is the gray head.

Proverbs 21:2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts.

Proverbs 21:3 To do justice and judgment is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.

Proverbs BA BY!!!

-------------
DD
-


hey now i said i only liked the smell of it...i am not ready to take it any further at this time
-------------
Anonymous
-


Go eat shit
-------------
Anonymous
-


you haunt my every dream
looking for sex it seems
why is there chemistry
since I never asked for none
how can this be for real
my night time energy you can feel
and if I am not giving it away
then you must be stealing it
do you dare to try me during the day
when you think I am awake enough to
receive an incoming signal which by
the way I would have no idea as to
what I would be looking for when it
comes to you sending me sex vibes
-------------
Anonymous
-


I want you so bad the steams in my pajama bottoms have just burst opened and are screaming your name

you are the fool in the songs that only women write and cry about

a pout pout here and a pout pout there...what do you think this is old macdonald's farm

make the women stop crying over you by just confessing your gayness...knock knock...come out whereever you are


-------------
Anonymous
-


can you help me in the area of lust
I am going to meet my lover of dream land
for real this time and to date we have never
cultivated and shared real lust before

The word on the street is that you've got it going on
making your girl peeps smile as you dial up romance and lust from your very own place with all your lustful stuff

at first I thought the music was the nice touch but soon
after being told that you have all kinds of kinky scenes I then began to realize that you are the one to show me the ropes before I take the real plunge from fantasy lake into reality is forever river
-------------
Anonymous
-


my life as a double is not a life every person would like
somedays I am enjoying nature when taking my morning hike
other days I just wisk on by with no care riding my bike
and why just the other day didn't I go past and not say hi because I was way too busy for you why I was flying my kite and doing that is always a delight during the opposite of night oh yes to watch it in flight I swear it has might because it is so airtight by golly I think as I write this that I am right about her and her height and to think now its time to go in with the sun going down man that bite's
-------------
Anonymous
-


In addition to professing my lust for you I am also confessing an obsession I have too which is none other than liking the smell of pooh. I am just disappointed that it does not come in the colour blue even if you eat crayons made of blue or blueberries. What is up with that?

now that you know will you be willing to lay everything on the line and see if it falls or it decides to balance?

You get back to me you hear...
-------------
Anonymous
-


how fitting
-------------
Anonymous
-


surprise!
-------------
!
-


I am hogging the airwaves
in an attempt to send signals
to you and if you soon do not
comply I will have to take them
hostage where then there is a good
possibility that they could all die
so listen up as I tell you how much
I love you and that I am glad we are
connected but next time our dreams
blend together and we are standing side by side
you need to know that I want you so bad
that you just need to take me in your arms and go

-------------
Anonymous
-


I can predict you because I have been watching you
there is nowhere you can go that I cannot see
to put it mildly, you are not free from me
and I even have a stand in a tree
I can make you pee on demand
and I can make you scream
after I have touched your hand
you can compare me to as much sandpaper
as you wish but the reality is that you
know who I am
-------------
Anonymous
-


does any of this make sense?
why sure it does because what
you are saying is that this
person is the one even though
this person will never be the
one because this person is taken
and not by steven spielberg but
but by another person in marriage
and what they got for a wedding gift
was their favourite band painted on
their ford tempo

-------------
Anonymous
-


Hey Qwan...you are contestant number 10 but now because of where you live we are now bumping you to number 7
-------------
Anonymous
-


these eyes - if only you knew - truely knew what I was capable of seeing - you would forever be grateful
-------------
Anonymous
-


I must be the only one without a job
truely though that does not want to make me sob
for my name is rob and I belong to the mob
and crying would make me LQQk like a knob
it would also give the others reason to gob
And if I know bob he is just waiting to clobber me
-------------
Anonymous
-


I like being alone because so much more can be done
from not having others to distract you from the fun
produced when attempting to clean a house

I say to myself in my mind, "hmmm what should I do with this blouse?" throw it away is the thought that comes next and so off I go to the place where we keep our garbage which is almost everywhere. I chose the kitchen garbage as opposed to the living room garbage to dispose the frilly laced polyester

I wander into the bathroom and before too long I see it moving around trying to capture me but because I consider myself to be quick the camera was only able to take a picture of my dick
-------------
Anonymous
-


Since I am the only one saying that makes me the only one playing and so I guess I could cheat and you would never know unless I told you so but why would I do that when the end result would be that you get mad

I say nothing then and hope you do well when you return to sell me your love loss thoughts in your current sp ell

-------------
Anonymous
-


it used to be all about you and me
we would spend hours searching and
revising our love for each other
I am sure it did seem like a good
idea at the time but now that it is
over and we can look behind to see
what we were doing I am ashamed that
I never gave you more nor did I offer
you above what I was currently dishing
out in the form of ink flowing out of its
spout onto the recycledness I bought last week
-------------
Anonymous
-


what more do you want from me?
I tell you everything already
and yet you still insist there
is more to be had if only I
would confess to anything that
pertains to me doing something
wrong but little do you know
that there is nothing more to
be had and the rest would be
lying
-------------
Anonymous
-


I had a dream about you last night
and this dream will stay in dream
land because that's as real as its
going to get even with my luckiest
bet could I not get you into bed
for even if I could I don't think
I could live up to the expectation
or image I have created for myself
when it comes to hanging off of you
Surely I would know what to do but
there is always that chance that I
would forget and as a result cause
a situation where everyone involved
is feeling awkward

-------------
Anonymous
-


someone not only studders verbally but someone also studders when he or she writes...
-------------
Anonymous
-


how will i know that you are in fact my friend?
-------------
Anonymous
-


how will i know that you are in fact my friend?
-------------
Anonymous
-


u might wanna ask the eastard bunny
-------------
Anonymous
-


unsure of who you are
I walk behind you
hiding infront of cars
I run beside you
dodging the road tar
how far is it to the
next town my fr iend?

-------------
Anonymous
-


no matter what i leave here
you will be ungrateful anyway
i bet you that is why santa clause
and the easter bunny do not visit
your house


-------------
Anonymous
-


you damn fool was pushed out of my mouth and into his ear
you are a mean person was shoved violently into the air by his tongue and ended up knocking her over when it smacked right into her face
-------------
Anonymous
-


Pony up that love
you promised me
for it is time
to take a ride
up and down
the side street
of your leg
express your milk
into my coffee
and then make sure
you change the bag
-------------
Anonymous
-


all you and me is
are dangaling fools
on wire springs and
with our tap shoes on
we dance until blisters
overtake our feet

There is no escaping us
as we are both attached
at the base which by the
way is where it all started
you know all of the fuss

I can prevent you though
from reaching out to grab
nothing and subsequently
being hurt by the fact
noone is there to guide
us as we have always been
steering our selves
-------------
Anonymous
-


I rush these letters so that they make words in under sixty seconds and everytime they not only make sense but they rhyme their way into a story involving you and me and a house full of dirt and closets piled high with skirts from when it showered them that night back then at a time where noone cared about the afterbirth and because of the lack of caring now noone is prepared for what is to co me
-------------
Anonymous
-


I am addicted to the box
and I am not talking about
television nor am I referring
to female body parts no sir re
bob I am in love with the box

It is not something one can touch
and it is definitely not what the
eye can see

What it is however is my love always
because I will never forget this box
for what it has done for me by allowing
free style thinking not to sink to the bottom


noone means to be mean it just works out that way
each and every day one must effortfully make an attempt to wean themselves away from the streak

but how can that be done successfully when there are always people who try to intervene this clean

you tell me mr attitude...


-------------
Anonymous
-


Say what you must
and must what you say
always be not saved for another day
you are an old fool from old school
and noone wants to touch or top that
let go of pandora's box pu ssycat

-------------
Anonymous
-


the only thing that is going to be delivered is me and that is from evil because i have been thinking lately about why you repell people with your rebellness and i have decided to void you from my life

I am going to ban you like sweat is banned from the underarm because of deodrant

your mind is like a jack hammer always going up and down and that gawd aweful mouth of yours is so abraisive just like sandpaper

you also have razor sharp eyes that would slice anyone open on command

and let us not forget your bullet proof heart the one that has been dodging bullets because you are too afraid of that scene

Am I warm?

-------------
Anonymous
-


I see were still having problems over there
i'm there for the lunch though if its delieverd
spelled wrong so you know its me
-------------
secret code name
-


you may be right
-------------
secret code name
-


a recipe worth making
is one where bitterness
is the main ingredient.
you will not find this kind
of recipe in a book because
no one rarely makes it due
to the fact it must be cooked
on racks while all the respect
drains out onto the pan
for the lesbian to eat while
the cook is left with only the
bitter sweet jealousy taste.

-------------
Anonymous
-


Lesbian man
-------------
:
-


sugar snitch a dyke sores from the cat box hide and sneak report
-------------
:
-


closed down by the infamous
closet snitch a dyke tattle lez a thon live from the cat box upon ladies night a snitch a thon

Sick Ass top secret crack generated dyke to dyke with a tall old ass homo accompliment snitch action in the name of the church

Top secret crack generated lez to lez snitch action in the name of the church with extra love for the lard ass


mind censor



-------------
!@!
-


closet snitch a dyke tattle lez a thon live from the cat box
-------------
Anonymous
-


Sick Ass top secret crack generated dyke to dyke with a tall old ass homo accompliment snitch action in the name of the church
-------------
Anonymous
-


sick ass top secret crack generated lez to lez snitch action in the name of the church
-------------
Anonymous
-


mind censor
-------------
Anonymous
-


dont take kindly to the dear
laughter silence then for real
year the winding fame to clear
stages left for you my dear

cross the forest thru the trees
light your way if you can see
the rooms have clever mindless themes
for you they cover a meaning

to say you witness is to mean
its more like death in a weird dr eam
-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


the hayday of summer sets on my intention to feed
its worth compared to secrets deep within a cold aware
and children run from its mystique because they all were their
the tired test has held its place and followed thrue the years
a plain mistake on my relate of kindness to your ears
i said the state of honest hates the simptom of diguise
because in truth the single thing that mattered was the lie
-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


if i ask for something here will it come true
if so i will ask only this of you............



go
away
-------------
leave
-


My life is the truman show and my name is truman. I am not the truman from the movie but I am truman and my life is on display for the world every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

At first I was bitter when I found out that my life was a sham or as they put it a television show played all the time on pbs but now I am okay with the fact that I was only created for the purpose of entertainment

One day I wish that the cameras will all quit and our house will fall down so that we can rebuild far away in another town

I will make sure I am not followed and even if they have already implanted a micro chip inside my body, I will also make sure it is turned off after I have located it with the tools from my pandora's box.

The only way they will be able to find me is if my family were to unhide me and I feel confident that they are not capable of commiting such a crime

But until such a time shows itself around here I will be on display each and every day

The clown in my heart is trapped from all the pain you keep feeding me

I wear rags and don't brush my hair and talk to the child with a mouth full of teeth that are in need of the dentist's chair

you walk around here in a zombie like state looking for the answers as to why you are so beat. You have not been defeated from your life because with more in it your life should mean more than it previously did

put the glass down and don't even think about reaching for the aluminum for the time has come where you must ask yourself why you think what you do is ok


-------------
Anonymous
-


well if I remember it correctly
I had had too much to drink
and then I was alone with you
and for awhile the starswars
kept me warm until the cold
set in from my own insecurities
about the numbers six and nine
which then right before my eyes
it came to you like a surprise
that I could have said what I did
and not expect to be punched in the head

-------------
Anonymous
- Friday, August 22, 2003 at 16:42:59 (PDT)
-------------
Anonymous
-


even though I am sure your calendar is pretty thick I need you to still pencil me in with long legs, big tits and curvy hips. I do tend to lay it on during this time so make sure the lead is strong enough to withstand the test of how long this battle of wits and the lustful quest will go on. My libido is working fine because I have always taken protection of every kind. So if you don't mind, I expect you to place me on every line

-------------
Anonymous
-


blame your issues on everyone and everything else
so that you may never have to change. The plan is brilliant and why others can think and do it too is
why we have this concept of resisting change

Sure you will accept the change from the hand of anyone but you will not accept the change life has handed you. Perhaps it is because the latter is not worthy in note or it could even be the result of having to sprout yourself up and across and this is something you are not ready to do? A green thumb is not necessary around here for there is no place for green leaves and red hair but there is however a definite need for us to make sure we are always spreading care..

try to think of your mind as a pandora's box where all of your issues should be locked

It is apparent that what makes you tick is the cock but also your adiction to the toc

time is your friend when sleeping sets in
the elevator in your mind turns on and takes
you to the top where when the doors open you
are greeted by a cock

ass pinching went on way before that though and still you are proceeding to follow what time has in store

do you have an outlet that you escape to when everything seems not right

I am as interested in this as you are even though my outlet will harm my wife and life

let the merge begin was sreaming out our eyes and during that time the elevator filled up with sin

shortly after that our human alarm clock went off
and that made the elevator climb quickly to the bottom and once the doors opened I was asked to leave so that I could wake up.

-------------
Anonymous
-


I am not a temptress but I can be tempted
your pityful pupils are as dialated as much
as I was before I gave birth to our child
you rationalize by saying its okay but deep
down you know it is not and the only people
who are and will continue to suffer if you do
not stop are the child, you, and I.

I have become estranged from myself to the point
that I am scared of myself for I am not sure just
what I am capable of. I used to believe that I
was the one to upbring in peace and harmony but the reality is so far removed from those two positive qualities that all we live in is war due to the high price of gas and hydro
-------------
Anonymous
-


greetings whatcha got cooking there hank williams said it best good look in
-------------
secret code name
-


yes,that is correct and theres nothing I can do to stop mental illness on some other parties part
-------------
Anonymous
-


there is no creation here...no creative impulse one way gameday tokens and lots of unopened beer...
they play the played out position of emptyness only to see the shadow of they own smile up to half a mile from that point driven through nowear and nowhere...meaningless yet proper I'd droper and greet the caose from the exit end!!!
-------------
DD
-


should we help earl back up i mean is he like humpty dumpty over there does he have benifits i know he must be useful if only to have something that ryhymes with oil ,there is a gas war you know.
this is nothing duct tape wont cure shut me up

its freezing again your not wearing that to the prom are you?

so hurry up and edit it all or hurry up and get here at least
-------------
secret code name
-


"because there is crazy people"

Yeah that was a false alarm the garbage man didnt really come til about two hours later the first one was the recycler who just looks like the garbage man if only because he drives a GARBAGE TRUCK

and in this hood there is two different garbage companies so some of the neighbors have garbage day today and some of them have it tomorrow.
I have lived in places that had garbage day two days a week, but the funniest place I ever lived as far as garbage day goes was this little trailer park in Janesville Wisconsin that everyone who lived there took thier garbage to the dumpster in the back of the trailer park,on the hoods or trunk of thier car or in the trunk You should have seen these hillbillies,I'm telling You. so at the bottom of this page is the archives going a ways back but not as far back as I have been wasting my time here.and if you get creative some stalking tard ruins it no matter what here so its kinda like a big toilet bowl or a cat box
-------------
secret code name
-


soap
-------------
Anonymous
-


I have used a lot of brain power just trying to connect with you

I may have to stop and recharge if we are to ever link together soon

Even though I know it to be true, I still cannot believe we have had a major breakthrough in telepathy

I am glad to be alive, well, and here in this moment and in that moment too. Actually, I am full of glee at it all

the moments press on and so to do we all for that is the only key to the entry point

our natural ability to be honestly happy is so rare that it is almost one step from extinction making it then be not true

everyone has had that moment so we know its true and therefore yes it does exist just like nessie and sassie
and all the other phenomonon that happens and people have yet to be able to explain

I wish happiness and good health to everyone in the world because we are in need of it after desperately seeking loved ones and some woman named susan

-------------
Anonymous
-


my critical eye will only work when I am high
even though I am a woman I am still the man with a plan
your invasion is a low one making me search for you on my hands and knees
I am done with your games and am no longer interested in the dames

the bacteria and mold are growing increasingly out of control

my soul is on fire from going near your heat

I wish I could claim defeat and just start all over
for as it stands now I just simply have no more to give and so I am what you would call bankrupt in the emotions department

snap crackle and pop are what I remember best about my childhood but in the end it is those same snaps, crackles, and pops that assisted more quickly in rotting out all what were suppose to be my permanent teeth

Of course my non compliance to the toothbrush industry was no help either and I never should of bit the dentist

teachers are lurking everywhere there is learning to be found

the coughing is getting better but now the aching has set in

none of this relates but yet somehow I have managed to bring them all together and have them flow uninterupted in a figure eight

I will continue to work hard for the word scaps you throw at me now and again

I am ready for what's in store at my house and so far after the spring clean all that is left are walmart products

I moved products around this old place faster in one day than walgreen's does in one week

Somehow someway, I knew you would find me in here because there is no way you would bind me and then loose me without undoing the hold you created for me to wear for years to come until at least the second coming of christ appears

that time has not happened and you have disappeared and left me standing hear with all of this fear from the grip you placed over me which was suppose to protect me from others unlike yourself

now look at me I am only a mere dust collector leaning against a house wall but sitting on a shelf

At least uncover the dirt from my eyes for it is not human for someone to still be alive but be buried in the dirt that lives inside

Trix rained over chicago yesterday and in new york the bunny was last seen heading down seventy seventh street
-------------
Anonymous
-


soap
-------------
Anonymous
-


The Nice


something special for the hero that always dances
congrates on your wonderfull drama
youve once again ebelished the notion that im morthy
how quickly it becomes your intention
im only letting you know i know
but either way ill play the part cuz i love you
maybe not to death but its all the same
i wonder what your next game plan is
im hoping for something good
otherwise you wont have enough with just manipulating me
call me and let me know we are ok
ill tell you what im planning with the cake
for your and my surprise ill shower twice to fake the nice
-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


shampoo
-------------
Anonymous
-


toothpaste
-------------
Anonymous
-


soap
-------------
Anonymous
-


I would wash my toes and feet to rid my self of the stink

-------------
Anonymous
-


I want a bar of soap please
this is what I need
I would like some toothpaste
there is none in this place
I dream of deoderant
-------------
.
-


If I had a bar of soap
I would wash my pits I hope
If I had a bar of soap
If I had toothpaste I would think about dental floss
and mouthwash
If I had a bar of soap
-------------
:
-


please do not pull back as that only weakens the cord that connects me to you

I can only imagine falling away from you and to even do that makes me feel very blue

we are merely ocean particles pressed together like pressboard and if I look very closely I can see in me the fish with the nose like a sword

come closer with that attitudes made of flames and I will have no choice but to award you with a pin prick from my nose

either way I have got you because you are either going to apologize or I am going to have to as the saying goes beat the crap outa yah


-------------
Anonymous
-


you've got the politin grip
squeeze me so tight I can't
breath my regular rhythm
pretty soon I will be foaming
at the mouth from all my bad talk
could you spare some time and some
cleanliness before you go just know that you don't just get to go without saying why or you don't just get to go without saying goodbye so here I am where I always stand
which is inside your heart so if you are smart you better soon start to barf up all the details pertaining to you and I and how you know what I am all about so give me your hand and let us go for a ride where no one will be able to hide what occupies their mind and together we will all find out what time has been trying to hide
-------------
Anonymous
-


Toothpaste is not a waste
soap is our friend
they are there to help us
this is not pretend
-------------
.. .. .. ..
-


If I if I
had a bar of soap
I tell you this is no joke
I would wash behind my ears
and I would wash my feet
I would wash my
i would wash my
Yes I would wash my knees
so that I will never get the fleas
I would wash my ass
so it would never smell like cheese
and I would take a bath
-------------
:
-


PONDERING ON THE ENTICMENT OF BEING SINGLE, THE HARDSHIP OF A RELATIONSHIP IS SO TRYING, I'M TO SCARED TO COMMIT EVER AGAIN, I KEEP RUNNING FROM THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME, RUN TOWARD THE PAIN AND LONLINESS, THE MAN THAT BROKE MY HEART CALLED HE WANTS ME BACK, BUT I'M HAVING TOO MUCH FUN TO EVER GIVE MY HEART AWAY AGAIN, STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND WHY I CAN'T STAY IN LOVE, HAVE I EVER REALLY LOVED? THE PAIN IS NEVERENDING.
-------------
MELISSA JANE
-


You are right so
BE GONE
-------------
Anonymous
-


I want you in the worst way which is not good
therefore I know you are bad because you are
everything but the right way and that cannot
be good
-------------
Anonymous
-


my fear of being found out is so intense that everytime I think about doing it my body breaks out in a chill

What if I was found out and then people knew that I had different sides to me ones that did not make them particularly happy to know me

My friends would run from me for fear they thought I wanted their pussy cat but rest assured its not them I am attracted to its someone else and this someone is someone I cannot have

so instead what I like to do is superimpose ourselves onto those who are naked and still

right there was my confession so now I can do it for I do feel from the release of my fantansy
-------------
Anonymous
-


my circuits have been severed
therefore I cannot move myself
the only operation I can perform
is thinking so atleast I know my
mind is still alive but unfortunately
the only things I can think about are
what you said oh how I wish I could
be the one who first learns how to
shut your mind off from thoughts
that you are not interested in but
they keep stalking, playing, and replaying
themselves over and over to you
My circuits are rusting up because
of the lack of flow of blood oil to my veins
pretty soon my mind's engine is going to start
smoking it has to for it has no fuel to keep harassing for much longer with its creeply insults Please make it stop before it turns my mind into something other than beautiful.


-------------
Anonymous
-


I have been swallowed by the underground and now I am being followed by people I have never even met
there are three of them and each has their own reasons
for wanting me to fret but not to worry because once they approach me they will soon find out that I am the person who never shits so I cannot help but to smell like it

The fear of illusion keeps me rejecting your proposal
I know that if I give in and buy into what you are telling me eventually like sandcastles falling instantly due to the ocean hitting them frantactly our world that we created was only a mystery filled with nothing but an illus ion
-------------
Anonymous
-


there is nothing right about me
I cannot even write
everytime I try to form a sentence
my mind tells me its not right
I wish for once that I could be right
and that people would witness it so
that afterall they would know that I
have the ability to be right
I know that I am not right even as I write this
my mind is trying to convince me that I don't know
what it is and I never will know what it is to be right
because right just does not flow in my vein s.
-------------
Anonymous
-


Everyday there are people who awake with only one thing on their mind

Time is theirs to have for as long as they would like

so up they rise and log on to open mic

in order to spend hours in delight making fun of others

you see they just don't get it that we are all sisters and brothers

in fact we are all just one big one

this means nothing to them but everything to the people

its too bad they don't spend more time under the steeple since it is apparent they like scripture

my vision is clear and I have all of the facts so my mind is made up about them and I have concluded they are mere verbal attacts motivated by insecurities they have not dealt with yet

which when one takes the time to analyis it is realized that because of not dealing with them is why they take the english language and hunt for the meaness set inside some of english's words so that they can throw them very hard against those who are rightfully so secure in their person




-------------
Anonymous
-


There is something
something that is wrong with You

Pooh pooh peeky pooh pooh peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo
peeky peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo

There is something
something that is wrong with You


Pooh pooh peeky pooh pooh peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo
peeky peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo

Everytime I pooh pooh You play peek a
pooh pooh peeky pooh pooh peeky boo


Pooh pooh peeky pooh pooh peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo
peeky peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo

what is wrong is Your brain
what is it that is wrong with You


Pooh pooh peeky pooh pooh peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo
peeky peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo

I know I did not invite
No I did not invite You
When I go No When I go pooh poopy pooh


Pooh pooh peeky pooh pooh peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo
peeky peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo


Maybe theres a Doctot somewhere
than can cure You and Your problem too

Pooh pooh peeky pooh pooh peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo
peeky peeky
pooh pooh peeky boo
-------------
:
-


if I had the toothpaste
I would have a smile
If I had a bar of soap
I would have a smile
there would be sunshine
in my life You see
If I had some toothpaste
bay A Bay A B ee
-------------
puter puter peek a boo peek a peek a peeka peeka boo boo booo boo boo
-


there there.
there there.

one day the other boys will play with you.

Until then you just keep typing.

you rock, no really, you do. I'm not just saying that.

.......you're something special.

--
Posted by Syme to DoctorCatsburger at 3/17/2005 08:03:02 PM
-------------
:
-


At 12:15 PM, DoctorCatsburger said...
Whoa Dude,Does Your Sister have a date to the prom?


At 12:32 PM, Syme said...
Sorry Dr Catsburger but she's just not cool enough for a "Thomas Kincaid lithograph" level of cool post pop-culture referencing type guy like yourself.

*sigh* it must be so hard to be a constantly post-everything nihilistic groove guru like yourself.

I, like everyone, wish I was you.

-------------
:
-


I use a vinegar to clean my teeth
Its all good I do believe
I use a coffeebean to keep them clean
toothpaste is who I love
there is no other above
theres no monkey to explain
alright the truth is
oh pretty libiarian look away
the truth is tooth paste can not be replaced
-------------
dance the dances of the paste for teeth dance until we can smile in our sleep speak to the puter peek a boo tell it survialance team if I could brush thats what BABY thats what I would doo a dooo doobie doo wah
-


Toothpaste is our friends
Ladies and Gentlemen
toothpaste will not hurt us
not even pretends
toothpaste is there to guide us
guide us to the light
toothpaste will lead us out of the tunnel out of the darknes s

-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


A blip to the bling on the computer screen
resident evil anne frank watched for any information leading to the lack of soaps or tooth paste to report the crisis to the puppet masters

and the puppet masters would say what did he write? resisdent evel anne frank would then reply
he wrote about soap he wrote about toothpaste

everyone together sang
"How How can we get him to sing a toothpaste song
how can we stop him from the soap soap poems How can we manipu;ate him all the day long
How How and He is still very wrong"


-------------
peeky peeky pooh pooh a boo
-


If I had tooth paste
we could dance and sing all over the place
Oh what a world this would be
if I could rid myself of the catbox scurvy
if my breath didnt stink like a dogs ass
I might even use it to wash between my toes
aint that a laugh
if I had toothpaste
-------------
a more toothpasteless puter puter peek a boo, baby
-


soon I will retire my tired eyes
for this day has now been taken
over by its follower the pitch
black night

someday I would like to see the rest of the world
even if it is just on TV I look forward to watching geography

shall I cut the connection by uprooting some hair?
I never said I wanted to be an exact you and in fact
I think what I did say was that I wanted to be free like you and see like you and have you know I ain't no recka anymore but you already know that from before when I told you in your second floor zone that I closed that door after I burned your insides with a cup full of hot water which by the way was so my fault considering I never paid attention that my usual left and right had been switched by farrah fawcett
-------------
dukme
-


I tried you on for size and soon after you didn't fit
so without thinking I tossed you aside into a no mind pit
and for months that is where you stayed that is until I awoke you one winter while I was cleaning out some closet shit so for hours there is where I would sit weeding out the garbage with my trusty old protective oven mitt and when I came up for air the stroke of midnight was ringing out everywhere and that is when I realized that no amount of sorries could make up for all of the bits and pieces of our kindship I beat out from all of the hits
-------------
Anonymous
-


I could not be the end all to be all to you
and for that we collapsed like a broken necklace
I did not understand simple basic human principles
now because of this I am without your unique touch
you did not forwarn me of this tragic loss of you and I
so now the situation goes that you are you alone and I am I and so not alone ~ TBC
-------------
Anonymous
-


I see her there and I know she sees me
it is quietly understood that I like her
anid she likes me but I won't be the one
who makes the first move for fear she
rejected me sexually

what if then it was loudly misunderstood
that she only wanted to be friends and that
it was I who was not understanding what was
going on

my attraction for her runs deep although if it weren't
for her shyness I probably wouldn't even be interested
I am suddenly convinced that I should keep all of this to myself for if it were to be known that I was attracted to my sister in law the community at large would reject me and my fantasy.

-------------
Anonymous
-


A bar of
soap
is my friend
until the very end
it will be the one that cares if theres dirt you know where
a cake of soap will soon be mine
to help clean out your dirty mind
a handful of soap will not hurt
infact it may even help with my friend the flirt
soap
soap until the dirt goes away
go away dirt
soap is the way
-------------
pooh pooh peek a boo too
-


Does reality only ever happen to those who give a thought enough to sit and write it down

the mind makes no attempt recovery or otherwise stops from denying what is real

there are wizards in the trees in spying to get to the top

when all along they forgot I remembered we was knot

Burlaps to keep us warm the twine to help us craft

soon we will have our shelter along with protection from harm

both of your timings are impectible and they leave me speechless and confused as to what to do, where to go, and even what to say

I realized in less than a split second that my life with you was based on early twentyhood

Therefore I must put to rest this little red hiding hood for it has been eating at me for a long time and no doubt I will have alcers should I continue keep you awake
-------------
dukme
-


I'm climbing to the highest mountain
the only one that will get me to god
when I reach the peak I plan to say
thank you for this awesome day
redemption will dance and be ready to share
as I plan to draw my last breath of air over you
I will kneel to the rock while thinking of him
I pray for rain and picture a fountain
suddenly there are thoughts of impurity that are in need of holy water
cleanse me of this need to always want to crave
I want to say no and learn what it is to behave
Make one proud and maybe even an eventual father
take me back to live in and with the sacred times my heart, mind, and soul used to reside amongst.
-------------
page one of my heart
-


the soap war over
we have lost
like the soul
gone
dirt dust
deat h
-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


soap soap soap yah
no nope nope
soap soap soap
I say
theres nothing in the world betetr than You

tooth tooth tooth paste
yeah
I wish I had this too

doobie doo wah
-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


Dear God,
I hate to bother you with all of the things you have to do on your to do list
but if you find the time to answer my prayer I would like a single bar of soap please
Thank You lord
praise You Lord

-------------
AMEN
-


Our Heavenly father in heaven I ask only for a bar of soap
-------------
Amen
-


send me a better angel right now
or a bar of soap
-------------
Anonymous
-


"My Dirty Prayer"

Its not about blocked pores
or cleaning off the ol' crackwhore
its not about cleansing my sins
I just wish I had a bar of soap my friends
it wouldnt matter if it was on a rope
liquid would work here and help me cope
powdered laundry or dish washer detergent
I know somewhere before Youve heard it
a can of lysol would kill the germs
boiling water to clean myself although itll burn
a bar of soap is all I ask
come on jesus this is a big ass task?
-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


Soap soap float in the sink
help me help me wash my feet
scrub scrub the dirt goes away
shouts out to resident evil anne frank
-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


Ivory soap liquid or bar
this is my fantasy
near or far
lava would be a dream
someday I will use Irish spring
dial even I dont care
those little ones from the hotel anywher e
-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


I wish I had a bar of soap
that would be my only hope
I would wash my face and hands
then move onto my other plans

-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


Get out You stupid whore
get the fuck out of my life
dont come back here I will threaten you
if you do
get out you stupid whore I dont care if you came here to dyke
it is you or I someones leaving
you waste of life
-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


I wash my feets with shaving creme and some chemicals I found under the sink
I wash my pits with car wax and windex but they still stink

I wash my ass well the truth is I have no way to wash my ass anytime soon because I have no soap as of yet
so maybe you could bring some by and you can be my favorite pet

oh yeah baby

I wash my hair with windshield wiper fluid
because I live in a privately funded mental institution that keeps me for a slave
its not really all that bad if You don't mind listening to the bitching all the live long day
but anyway
I wash my face with peroxide because soap is a big No No
and yes I am a hostage to the cross threaded lesbian mafia union and everything I do is wrong
-------------
just say no to soap
-


What is a bar of soap they ask
why oh why
could you not wash your pits with watered down liquid water
no?
but why
what is a bar of soap they say and to this question be true
there is not one in the future
not for me or You
how is a bar of soap they imply the answer
when you know we love shit
whether it be in a cat box or a wash cloth full of it
what would You do with a bar of soap they cry
what just what would you do

-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


How I wish I had some soap to war=sh my dirty ass
I would dream of the hope phisoderm or bleach or maybe even baking soda if only I did have
how dirty it is
there is no lye


-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


dial me some ivory
dish soap would be my dream my hope
hot water maybe is better than nothing but tis not enough

I am so ashamed of my prayer this heel in which is my misery
I only want to wash my ass
and this prayer I did not want the hot libiarian to see
but if she does and if she could a bar of soap for me
I would be indebted to her I already am it seems
-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


If I could have anything other than to die right here right now and get iut of this hell of a prison hole
I would like a little piece of broken hope like part of a crumb of a bar of soap please god if You could
maybe theres something You could do
to get me out of my misery in this prison I have created by believing the puppetmasters had a heart
when the truth is they only want to manipulate me and control whats left of my soul
well thats ok with me if I could have a way to wash my ass like the other slaves but as fate would have it I dont

If I could have anything anything at all
I would choose a bar of soap some tooth paste
dish soap anything maybe a farm animal to clean my underarms

If I could have anything in the whole wide world other than You to go away
I would choose a bar of soap
Irish spring,Lava or Ivory maybe

-------------
puter puter peek a boo
-


I hate you tubgirl you cant write & its all shitski
that will be your code name when you talk to me who do you think you are talking to me? anyway
your code name when you do talk to me and I dont want you to talk to me because you are a stupid whore is without further to do
drum roll plz tubgirl.cam the worst poet of the years new code name is
envolpe p lz
...........................
tubgirl.cams new poetic code name is
SHITSKI


-------------
Anonymous
-


YOU YOU YOU
Who do you think you are tubgirl.cam
game games gamez
to the point that no one could care
soon soon soon
-------------
who not you
-


here i stand alone in the dark
you shed your faint beams of hope on me
i watch you as you walk away leaving me in the dark once again.
i feel traped in a toumb of my own pain and sorrow you stole my light away from me
raping me of my hope and all reasoning
no way out when your just a simple child
stuck here.... ......
-------------
ME ME ME (i know who wrote this)
-


I hate your rotten guts so much it makes me sick to think about your existence
I want to flush You down the toilet once and for all
for the better
how do You like me now?
you game playing piece of crap


-------------
Anonymous
-


Get the cenfucksor out of my life You stupid whore
everyday I despise You more and more
You do You think You are
talking to me YOU MAKE ME SICK
MORE AND MORE
Get the cenfucksor out of my life You stupid whore


-------------
Anonymous
-


"The Your Mothers a Ho at the Truckstop and There's Nothing We Can Do Blues"
in the key of "E"

Your Mothers a Ho at the truckstop
and theres nothing we can do

Your Mothers a Ho at the truckstop
and theres nothing we can do

Blah Blah Blah who gives a fuck
I don't think shes down there
to get You a new pair of shoes

Your Mothers a Ho at the truckstop
and theres nothing we can do

Your Mothers a Ho at the truckstop
and theres nothing we can do

They say shes been fucking Niggers
and Your related to Fred Sanford t oo.
-------------
oh well...
-


Hey baby
wanna play "Can I find You Blogspot?"
-------------
Anonymous
-


Tubgirl You have it the problems and they go far beyond talking thru the walls trying to be the narrator and they go far beyond playing your crazy act game.
-------------
Anonymous
-


believe me I will take back the reins of the cult and keep my favorite groupie nice and warm
past her curls into her mind will my heart find a place.
-------------
Seizure Chords
-


Let me pee on you, plz?
-------------
Anonymous
-


how i long
long and hard are the sins of mine and ones done
cannot be undone for the the fact that history
well in doubt is fact - I wish for better
of me and mine
the breathe of air shouldered by hair
is to much for me, so ill lay my head to rest
knowin what glands unhand, tired of living, tired of boredom
ive lost myself in mine
and in my loves
once again i sit on stool
waiting for night for her breath to keep me cool
not selfless, just here
waiting, learning, never judging
love, From its pettles to its thorns
from a whom, from my soles


-------------
Douglas
-


Oh Shut the Fuck Up
-------------
Anonymous
-


who are you
-------------
?
-


This time your in my way
NEVER
Never again will you over run me
You never have anything to say
You will never see

My heart crys over you
like rain running off my window
I love no one like I do you
I Love You

UNDERSTAND THAT

There is nothing as a'posed... to
YOU YOU YOU
The best My last My only chance
Before death breaths me in

ONLY YOU AGAIN
My beautifl life saver
* MINE *

My beauty flows through You
It's ALL you

Hear me
Listen to me
Feel me
Understand me
I LOVE YOU

And No one

* UNDERSTAND *



-I HAVE NO OTHER BEAUTY-

LIVE ME AGAIN

LOVE,me
-------------
OSTINTATION
-


This time your in my way
NEVER
Never again will you over run me
You never have anything to say
You will never see

My heart crys over you
like rain running off my window
I love no one like I do you
I Love You

UNDERSTAND THAT

There is nothing as a'posed... to
YOU YOU YOU
The best My last My only chance
Before death breaths me in

ONLY YOU AGAIN
My beautifl life saver
* MINE *

My beauty flows through You
It's ALL you

Hear me
Listen to me
Feel me
Understand me
I LOVE YOU

And No one

* UNDERSTAND *



-I HAVE NO OTHER BEAUTY-

LIVE ME AGAIN

LOVE,me
-------------
OSTINTATION
-


shut the fuck up
you stupid twit

i'm tired of You and sick of it
Your brain is empty
except for the shit

Shut the fuck up
You stupid t wit
-------------
Anonymous
-


donot you ever get tired of that stupid whore talking her shit thru the walls dude?

yep
-------------
Anonymous
-



"Stupid Whore code name Stupid Whore"
Come in please!

Alright You stupid whore
wipe the shit off Your nose from where You stuck it up someones ass
"Over" click
-------------
>}
-


murky
silent
deadly
I feel the dreams trying to push out of my head
And become a callous reality
can I stop them?
do I want to?
soon the soft padding under the carpet
will be put to the test
when the blood flows
sealing my fate
and yours too
don't answer your door tonight
-------------
Anonymous
-


Vacant stares
somehow watching
blank expressions
somehow judging
i feel a sinking
deep within my soul
a loathsome dred
rushing over my stalked body
I wish...
I wish my neighbors
would not pout their fucking lawn gnomes in the front yard anym ore
-------------
Teresa
-


alright You stupid whore
I love You inside the wall
You stupid whore snitch
your the one for me

-------------
Anonymous
-


it reminds me of our love
-------------
Anonymous
-


http://www.tubgirl.com/

I don't need this,see my brand new website its a lot like this but better
-------------
Shitting Quincy Scores !!!!!!!
-


anotherone bites the dust and all in favor said i
its bad enough we all went after the reading rainbow
the pot of gold was hardest task
leprehchans are tough little fellows
but with the money at risk
we now tend to forget
the trouble it was to take
i blame all the communists
and maybe the fish in the sea
i heard dolphin was man evolved
i saw a half man half dolphin when i traveled to greece

-------------
quincy sores losses
-


I have evolved Biotch,Shitting outdoors is a thing of the past
-------------
"Sugs" {Sugar Quincy Sores}
-


could our song be sadbuttrue ,miss you or maybe its liar by babesintoyla nd
-------------
Anonymous
-


Friday, March 04, 2005
THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN DAY PARADE
THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN DAY PARADE
"Wow, I can't believe they are really having a parade for today.This is quite a special occasion,Oh happy day "said Doctor Catsburgers receptionist as she carried the cooler full of ice to the curb and set it down behind the police line tape.
The sun sat high in the sky as Johnny Hollywood worked frantically on the parade car to get it right for the big parade Bertha painted up the colorful banners to go on the float and all the kids helped,after all it was "THE DAY THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN PARADE" The people danced in the streets and the birds sang but the illegal aliens couldn't even go to the parade because they had to work that day but all of the American People were there present and accounted for.
Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest sold hotdogs soda pop and fireworks from the "LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN DAY PARADE STAND"
"Its like a painting by that old dead guy showing how life is here so beautiful"Said Johnny Hollywoods stripping caseworker
Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest all discussed whether or not they could go over the border to Canada and get some health coverage since the last job was taken in the United States by illegal aliens and welfare for the Americans don't cover going to a doctor for human beings just vetenarians who have only practiced on camels way back in their country,not people and most of the Doctors in the United States were not from the United States although thier education was here in the United States paid for by the people of the United States.
"Since the illegals they just swarm over the border in droves into the United States maybe we could just go over the border to a doctor up in Canada and get something for this headache that never goes away" ASKED THE CAT BOX CHRIST.
Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest all discussed whether or not they could get a job in the United States if they left and came back pretending to be from some other country.
"What if they find out we are really American's and won't hire us here in the United States because of it?" they asked arguing the point back and forth.
"It seems the system is set up against the Americans having any kind of a job" said Berthas Mother as she joined the unemployed task force.
"Maybe our government just does not want us to work,they just want us to not work?" Questioned Box Car Jesus.
"Yeah, we give billions of dollars to all kinds of countries nobody ever heard of, maybe they want to just give us money instead of us having to work them jobs that is why they made it so we can not have a job, but every illegal alien that don't belong in this country has a job that I can't get and they get a welfare check too,they have a nice car and a nice place to live,what's that censorshit about?" asked Johnny Hollywoods caseworker as she removed her shirt to get a tan from the light of the television.
"Wow, we are just lucky to be able to celebrate this day together "The day the last job in the United States went to an illegal alien" said Box Car Jesus as he drank his beersch.
The dinner bell rang.
Box car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all planned to go to another country to become citizens so they could come back to the united states and get a job.Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all ate the soup and pretended the burnt part that was stuck to the bottom was meat.
"Meat? the burnt part from the bottom where the great cook forgot to stir the dogdoo?" asked the critic that musta been raised up in a better trailer park.
"Since this was the day the very last job in the United States has been taken by an illegal alien what makes you think being from another country will get You a job here in the states? asked the crackwhore as she cleaned her crackpipe with vinegar
"It was my caseworkers ideal" said box car Jesus
"Don't You fret my little crackwhore as soon as we are illegals we will get a job for shure they will just simply let one of the pesky American citizens "go" as it were no worries" Johnny Hollywood said as he finished up his resume.
After vittles Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all rode the stage coach into town to find a job but had no luck because this is the day that the very last job in the United States was taken by an illegal alien from another country.
"What will we do when all the dogdoo soup runs out?" they asked each other.
"Maybe we should go stand guard at the border to make shure that the illegal aliens with all of the jobs in America don't leave with all of the United States Currency" said Box Car Jesus.
"What good would that do?" asked Johnny Hollywoods award winning landscaper.
-------------
:
-


so what if my sugar quincy sores are from the Avian Influenza the sugar quincy Bird Flu the special quincy Influenza Viruses from the shit that I breathe and dance in and eat from the quincy Avian Influenza Viruses taste like cat box bird bath kisses inside the godly Spread of quincy sore Viruses among quincy Birds & sugar Poultry sores
-------------
Quincy
-


thank god 47 asians died already this year of the abird flu and the ducks and chickens spread it to people and I get to milk the avarin infected poutry for the flu will kill the livestock to
-------------
sugat quincy sores bitch
-


I just want to be left alone with my chicken tsnami asian bird flu and not be bothered by you as I die in peace and write on my this here retard blog that is only for my sugar quincy sores not you so I can report to the goverment secretly the stupid retarded shit i think if only they cared my tard blog is my dream to big brother secretly not you nosey go away your ruining my turning my self in and I put all this effort into it please its my last wish before the avain bird flu kills me I want to be friend with the computer police but I didnt do nothing so I have nothing to bargin with and they wont be my queersie friend and they wont call me copsucker at the policemans ball damn you to hell code blame code name quincy sugar quincy herion sores on my sugar snaps snatch over I wanna piss and shit on the porch or sidewalk praise jewsits and free
-------------
the really keeping it real quincy
-


I'm so happy I have hepatitis C sores on my ass I have avian (bird) flu virus from the bird shit in my cat box from the bird seed that i call my sugar treats and ovarian ass cancer in my brain
-------------
Quincy
-


i'll break my knees
to see her with me
-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


whatever's clever trevor
-------------
quincy
-


one more for the road my lady
the passage was all the strange
i whispered concious thoughts
they withered and stained
their mark was a sign
and more of a theme
that even the squirls were closer than seemed
the path grew in wider and passed us in streams
the color was silence
the color stayed bleak
in all but a second the fall of her glance
led me to the wonder of what was the task
i forgot the mission
i forgot the purpose
i even lost the pleasure i steal from her burden
the answer is fleece
and comfort in me
it never acured to walk for a few feet
now im regreting not having taken
the sweater i left before i started flaking
the acid is genuine
the acid is cure
im fading to nothing ill send you my cold
-------------
chachi
-


an evening of faliure capped with a light
the very contempt that offered the sight
it came without question
and poisoned the mind
it felt a disturbance
and fell from my eyes
if night followed quickly to shower a dream
i might even thank it for thats what i plead
an offer to silence the offer to need
to better the shower i even redeem
is that all you come for
the offer i feed
you say you can comfort
but i never leave
if ponders can question and honestly please
its worth the deception and even the deed

it follows up nicely with a bottle of cum
the nectar of my sweet remorse for your hum
kill the bad taste with a stroke of your thumb
it shows how you wollow in good taste for fun

the love is there
-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


im waiting the same dream ive dreamt up in years
its becoming a reality
its becoming the frailty
the silence now turns me and so does my fame
her luck nestles
but also runs dry
its a fading disaster you see
the same as your shame
with tokens of fame
now is the moment when i give to much
your actions
are fast
but paced
im not trying to fool you or take you astry
your preasence allows me to change
the moment sought refuge
the moment sought fame
with a value of life i take to my knees the honest mistake
i breath

-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


"Whos keeping count"

seven crackwhores sittin on a fence
one went to cop a rock
and has'nt been back since

sixth crackwhore was an indian squall
born on a revervation gets an indian reservation check and a check from the welfare and the ain't all
her sister takes care of her kids
its the least she could do since she got her shooting up herion before she was ten
up on the indian reservation where little girls are men

The fifth crackwhore is a generic barbie looking no ass blonde gots crack sores all over the side of her face and doesnt care if she gives you some

the forth crackwhore is on a diet of cock and rock shes sixty two years old and still won't ever stop
not until they put her in her grave will that crackwhore smell ever go away
-------------
"
-


no thats not our song either
would you like to guess again?
-------------
Anonymous
-


THE DAY THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN PARADE

"Wow, I can't believe they are really having a parade for today.This is quite a special occasion,Oh happy day "said Doctor Catsburgers receptionist as she carried the cooler full of ice to the curb and set it down behind the police line tape.

The sun sat high in the sky as Johnny Hollywood worked frantically on the parade car to get it right for the big parade Bertha painted up the colorful banners to go on the trailer and all the kids helped,after all it was "THE DAY THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN PARADE" The people danced in the streets and the birds sang but the illegal aliens couldn't even go to the parade because they had to work that day but all of the American People were there present and accounted for.

Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest sold hotdogs soda pop and fireworks from the "DAY THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN PARADE Stand"

"its like a painting by that old dead guy showing how life is here so beautiful"Said Johnny Hollywoods stripping caseworker

Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest all discussed whether or not they could go over the border to Canada and get some health coverage since the last job was taken in the United States by illegal aliens and welfare for the Americans don't cover going to a doctor for human beings just vetenarians who have only practiced on camels way back in their country,not people and most of the Doctors in the United States were not from the United States although thier education was here in the United States paid for by the people of the United States.

"Since the illegals they just swarm over the border in droves into the United States maybe we could just go over the border to a doctor up in Canada and get something for this headache that never goes away" ASKED THE CAT BOX CHRIST.

Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest all discussed whether or not they could get a job in the United States if they left and came back pretending to be from some other country.

"What if they find out we are really American's and won't hire us here in the United States because of it?" they asked arguing the point back and forth.

"It seems the system is set up against the Americans having any kind of a job" said Berthas Mother as she joined the unemployed task force.

"Maybe our government just does not want us to work,they just want us to not work?" Questioned Box Car Jesus.

"Yeah, we give billions of dollars to all kinds of countries nobody ever heard of, maybe they want to just give us money instead of us having to work them jobs that is why they made it so we can not have a job, but every illegal alien that don't belong in this country has a job that I can't get and they get a welfare check too,they have a nice car and a nice place to live,what's that censorshit about?" asked Johnny Hollywoods caseworker as she removed her shirt to get a tan from the light of the television.

"Wow, we are just lucky to be able to celebrate this day together "The day the last job in the United States went to an illegal alien" said Box Car Jesus as he drank his beersch.

The dinner bell rang.

Box car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all planned to go to another country to become citizens so they could come back to the united states and get a job.
Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all ate the soup and pretended the burnt part that was stuck to the bottom was meat.

"Meat? the burnt part from the bottom where the great cook forgot to stir the dogdoo?" asked the critic that musta been raised up in a better trailer park.

"Since this was the day the very last job in the United States has been taken by an illegal alien what makes you think being from another country will get You a job here in the states? asked the crackwhore as she cleaned her crackpipe with vinegar

"It was my caseworkers ideal" said box car Jesus

"Don't You fret my little crackwhore as soon as we are illegals we will get a job for shure they will just simply let one of the pesky American citizens "go" as it were no worries" Johnny Hollywood said as he finished up his resume.


After vittles Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all rode the stage coach into town to find a job but had no luck because this is the day that the very last job in the United States was taken by an illegal alien from another country.

"What will we do when all the dogdoo soup runs out?" they asked each other.

"Maybe we should go stand guard at the border to make shure that the illegal aliens with all of the jobs in America don't leave with all of the United States Currency" said Box Car Jesus.

"What good would that do?" asked Johnny Hollywoods award winning lan dscaper.




-------------
:
-


The DAY THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN PARADE

"Wow, I can't believe they are really having a parade for today this is quite a special occasion oh happy day "said Doctor Catsburgers recieptionist as she carried the cooler to the curb and set it down behind the police line tape.

The sun sat high in the sky as Johnny Hollywood worked franticlly on the parade car to get it right for the big parade Bertha painted up the colorful banners to go on the trailer all the kids helped IT WAS THE DAY THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN PARADE the people danced in the street the birds sang and the illegal aliens could'nt even go to the parade because they had to work that day but all of the American People were there present and accounted for.

Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest sold hotdogs soda pop and fireworks from the "DAY THE LAST JOB IN AMERICA WENT TO AN ILLEGAL ALIEN PARADE Stand"

"its like a painting by that old dead guy showing how life is here so beautiful"Said Johnny Hollywoods stripping caseworker
-------------
:
-


Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest all dicussed whether or not they could go over the border to Canada and get some health coverage since the last job was taken in the United States by illegal aliens and welfare for the americans don't cover going to a doctor for human biengs just vetenarians who have only practiced on camels way back in thier country,not people.

"Since the illegals they just swarm over the border in droves into the United States maybe we could just go over the border to a doctor up in canada and get something for this headache that never goes away" ASKED THE CAT BOX C HRIST.
-------------
:
-


Box Car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood and his stripping caseworker ,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha and the rest all dicussed whether or not they could get a job in the United States if they left and came back pretending to be from some other country.

"What if they find out we are really American's and won't hire us here in the United States because of it?" they asked argueing the point back and forth.

"It seems the system is set up against the Americans having any kind of a job" said Berthas Mother as she joined the unemployed task force.

"Maybe our government just does not want us to work,they just want us to not work?" Questioned Box Car Jesus.

"Yeah, we give billions of dollars to all kinds of countries nobody ever heard of, maybe they want to just give us money instead of us having to work them jobs that why they made it so we can not have a job but every illegal alien that don't belong in this country has a job that I can't get and they get a welfare check too,they have a nice car and a nice place to live,whats that shit about?" asked Johnny Hollywoods caseworker as she removed her shirt to get a tan from the light of the television.

"Wow, we are just lucky to be able to celebrate this day together The day the last job in the United States went to an illegal alien" said Box Car Jesus as he drank his beer.
-------------
:
-


I do not think its another dame in the way for you its your games
-------------
Anonymous
-


Box car Jesus,Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all went to another country to become citzens so they could come back to the united states and get a job.

"since this was the day the very last job in the United States has been taken by an illegal alien what makes you think bieng from another country will get You a job here in the states? asked the crackwhore as she cleaned her crackpipe with vinager

"It was my caseworkers ideal" said box car jesus

"Don't You fret my little crackwhore as soon as we are illegals we will get a job for shure they will just simply let one of the pesky American citzens "go" as it were no worries" Johnny Hollywood said as he finished up his re sume.
-------------
:
-


After vittles Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all rode the stage coach into town to find a job but had no luck because this is the day that the very last job in the United States was taken by an illegal alien from another country.

"What will we do when all the dogshit soup runs out?" they asked each other.

"Maybe we should go stand guard at the border to make shure that the illegal aliens with all of the jobs in America don't leave with all of the United States Currency" said Box Car Jesus.

"What good would that do?" asked Poco Hernadez
-------------
:
-


Doctor Catsburger,Johnny Hollywood,Seizure Chords and Sweet Bertha all ate the soup and pretended the burnt part that was stuck to the bottom was meat.

"Meat? the burnt part from the bottom where the great cook forgot to stir the dogshit?" asked the critic that musta been raised up in a better trailer park.

-------------
Anonymous
-


I would be Alfalfa and You are my Darla
I would be moondoggy and You would be my Gidget
I would be Your cab driver and You would be my bartender my dream my Goddess my God my eve rything
-------------
Anonymous
-


in the wake of the saving faces im left with a pause
so easy it seems that colors of dark greys haunt even the savage beast:with tales in hand he slowly walks over and greets the window in the cell:"im all that i am and thats all that i am":slowly but shurly he understood the value of a good time:he forgot the yurn for her tired laugh and instead took as a sign:oh how fellow bed heads are capable of faliure:i on the other hand always reach the unatanable:a lesson i chose not to learn for the bread and butter of my well being rests in the heart of another dame:the chances are slim and penetrate with a piercing confliction:the pipe dream serves me well and soon the heart will ache:

HOW LONG BEFORE I CRACK!
-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


this is our favorite game
-------------
Anonymous
-


stop that
-------------
Anonymous
-


ok so magic man wasn't our song but you know what song was don't you...mr scarlet begonias?
-------------
Anonymous
-


Don't You Love me Bertha?
Don't Ya all loves me no more?
don't you love me sweet bertha
even after you done all yer chores?
-------------
?
-


calling all phone lines
your tape recorder has been tapped

enter your magic code you heartless wench
with the power of christ ill pretend you
dont exist

keep your patience on hold and cast off your vote

do or die said the bertha on the trapeze
of doom
-------------
quincy"the real one"
-


how could you cheat on me sweet bertha?
how could you make my heart break into
how come you cheat on me my bertha babycakes
and make me into a fo
-------------
Anonymous
-


thats so deep fred
-------------
Anonymous
-


ill participation on both parties

i comemorate thw dead

i love the romance

and renouce the pain
-------------
quincy"the real one"
-


fucking reset button
it ain't good for nuttin.
I was writing about truth
and responsiblity being loose.
now it's limerick
and just a gimmic k
ouch
-------------
Anonymous
-


I would slit Your throat just for somewhere to spit
but You would have to really piss me off
for me to reach down and rip Your heart out
-------------
xoxoxo
-


not as real as it used to be

you are

the quick stab
of revolting jealousy

sucky birthdays are the worst
the bottle's still red

You are in me
but I was never in you

give me a moment's chance
spare me
grant me your mercy

-------------
Eve
-


my stand against Lesbians With Breast Cancer always reminds me of the bible story where I play the game favorite "'puter peek a peeky boo" with you and you are secret agent code name "orange jews"
-------------
Quincy
-


In the bible it never mentions when I go to the truck stop and have oral sex with the nasty filty diseased truckers who have sex with each other and other aids victims all over the country and it never mentions why I do this for bags of herion either so why do you think they ask me what those great big sores on my face and lips are? I just tell them they are the Sugar and they call me sugar so res
-------------
Quincy
-


The Herion needle was friendly today and yesterday more than blood realitives more than people who are not friendly just wanting to share the same needle when I hid the whores in the upstairs when I hid the whore in the closet they want to see my herion bags but I can not help them if there is only enough That I have done illegal activity for I would not be able to sponser these other whores they have no right to be in this country and I am helping them hide why do I have to supply new needles for them when the other taxpayers from this country will praise the lord
-------------
Quincy
-


At first I was skeptical thinking Oh your poety is not that good well not good at all to be honest,but then also I see that there is really not another poodle out there writing poetry so this is some kind of achievement to the litature field and You really are entitled to an award inreal ity.
-------------
.
-


Its not enough of this one
for me the mind game

-------------
señor
-


wow
this is the goodness god wants me to see
this is the love for you and me wooo weee
this is everything I want happiness to much to see
and everything yeah se se
señor the real one

-------------
señor the real señor not to be confused with the not so real señor
-


this ones 4 me baby

what game do you like to play señor?

Oh I like it puter peek a boo
sneaky sneaky señor
its true

I like it to much to see
what this one is writing to much for me

I can be this one too
I am to much sneaky sneaky snake sneaky
sneaky sneaky sneaky
sneaky señor oh puter is for me to much new
I do not know what you do

I look it the monitor
secret secret monitor
I look you are to much no ryhyme
I look into the toilet bowl
reminds me of the complicatcion this ones mind

Oh I like it puter peek a boo
sneaky sneaky señor
its true

I like it to much to see
what this one is writing to much for me
-------------
señor
-


i am up to this equipment is not so much any good
I would like new stuff if I could
I am waiting to much long
to sing the señor sonnets inside the señor songs
I know that is hard to much 4 me to do
but maybe I could include haiku?
no me is working to much like 3 señor's with now catbox or lunch
so I no good for the rocking or blues
I guess I am just to much I lose yes you can call me loser for short
or señor from the north
whatever I do not to much es care
cause I am just glad to be here

-------------
señor
-


I am not close enough to walk
but when in a jam or a fix
it is to ya all I do talk
when I need it strings real quick
you are the ones to have it

i am to many miles away
I would hang out this place to much everyday
cause you know them chicas from the hood
is shure nuff looking to much good
-------------
señor
-


I am visit sometimes
I can you have picks 4 me to buy
I am sing the song of señor
because thats a what I am here 4
I can to spell it my names now
I am happy to be here anyhow
-------------
señor
-


the honest quincy sends his regards
-------------
quincy"the real one"
-


my hood it keeps my bald head warm
-------------
señor
-


i like it this place
is kinda nice
i have been here more than twice
theres so many things that i love
if only monies
would rain from above
then life would be alright
id get married here on any night
if ya could make her the white dress
she said size seven but i gotta find her again i guess

-------------
Senior
-


i shop at your store
for the picks i need 4 sure
i would buy much much more
if i had the denero
-------------
Anonymous
-


Whena I seen the television show where debbie travis makes a kitchen sink outta drywall I knew then that
you should have told me it was you
how was i to know
-------------
Anonymous
-


I wait for your prayers I wait for Your poems
I see the lights on but no ones at home
-------------
Anonymous
-


"Breaking the Case Wide Open"

The puppet masters went high tech using expensive cell phones mini cams and highering on a whole new crew to watch Johnny Hollywood's every move and to make sure they found out what color his dookie was before he seen what color it was and first and foremost they had to make certian Johnny Hollywood did not sneak any womenfolk on to the premises because they wanted to keep Johhny Hollywood a virgin for the prearranged wedding with big fat nasty bitch boo.Some of the newbies had to pull allnighters and doubleshifts without overtime most of the time and because they were to stupid to punch out when they had a chance and when playing hide and seek and colombo peek a boo they could not revel themselves whenever they felt the need.Bed pans went not needed in most cases.It is a good thing this projrct was funded by crazy people because if it was government funded the tax payers would really be upset of the wasting of the tax payers monies on an investigation of absolutly no criminal activity what so ever.
So what it all comes down to is some dumb ass sat up for three days to photograph Johnny Hollywood eating cookies and milk,great photography by the way.

"We thought he was doing something wrong,after all His camaro is badge grey" Said closet tard snoopy

-------------
"Breaking the Case Wide Open"
-


The magic crackwhore read the directions in the package of "Choreboy" and tried to relate


"Night vision cameras provide black and white video. A variation of the night vision cameras are the Day/Night cameras. Day/Night cameras provide color video during the day and when the light levels drop past a minimum they automatically switch to night vision video. When the light levels increase the camera automatically changes back to color video. These cameras are very reliable and flexible and should be considered when designing your system. "

-------------
Anonymous
-


remember how I would hold you close
loved you the most
until the day when your mind froze
-------------
Anonymous
-


remember how it used to be
you and me
you and I
in the night when I would hold You tight
You were everything I ever dreamed
so it seemed


-------------
Anonymous
-


Systris Yo baby
I'm gonna get wit You
Git wit You
if its the last thing I ever do

I'm gonna make You smile
I'm gonna make You smile
You know my soul is true
-------------
:
-


magic man was never our song
you are so full of shit
-------------
Anonymous
-


"I put pinto beans in my oatmeal baby
yes theres pinto beans in my oats its true
I put pinto beans in my oatmeal for Jesus
but mostly because I love You" Sugar Quincy sang

"I'm afraid its to late,the cat box ass and brain cancer is taking its tow on Sugs" said Quincy as he begged for another Turkey sandwich.
-------------
Quincy
-


Sugar Quincy was very angered now after finding out about Quincys real estate career bieng a front to cover up Quincys real career,that bieng prostitution

The Cat Box Christ was now unhappy too discovering that Quincy had multiple personialties
one moment Quincy was Quincy the next Quincy was Sugs or Sugar Quincy then Sugar Quincy Sores it never ends.
-------------
Quincy
-


I am the real Quincy
-------------
Anonymous
-


We love you all the Quincys
sugar quincy
quincy sores and quincy catbox soreass
-------------
Anonymous
-


I am the real quicy sores you are not so I am the real quincy

No I am the real quincy hole

No your not I am Quincy
the real Quincy from the Quincy sores on my eyes from the cat box to the quincy sores on my ass that god has answered all of the quincy sores prayers with shall rain down the ueersie quincy hole of a cat box of them ol' quincy sugar sores on my quincy pants

I AM THE REAL Quincy

I am
no I am
No your n ot
-------------
Anonymous
-




The Post Below was an imposter. I am not leaving Crasnkyland!!

These trolls, what fools. I am not leaving this site. First, my real name is Sugar Quincy . I will continue to post here and ignore the trolls. Besides, I am not one to give up and quit. That is what the trolls want. I will ignore them with zero attention

This is The Real Quincy hole
So imposter Real Quincy Hole who are you really?
Are you a fan of mine from that other site
sugs which should really rename itself sugar quincy pants and they should definitely take down that false non-discrimination statement of theirs which is a blatant lie


I am real Quincy . All other Quincy are imposter person who smell of vodka breath and yellow snow. I am rich man, I have many potato. I will share many potato with lovely American woman to eat potato with real Quincy.


-------------
Anonymous
-


And how is it my fault that the puppet can not breathe asked "sugs" Sugar Quincy Sores

Sugar Quincy was an excellent puppeteer the only problem bieng that Sugar Quincy was a freakin' dumbass, so each and every move sugar quincy sores planned for the puppet to fix the puppets life failed
even though the puppet executed each order with precision.

"I cant understand why the puppets life is total shit I have decieded the right things for the puppet to do so the puppets life would have that quick fix and be as good as new?"

The Lord of the Cat Box frowned and said" Maybe Its because You are a dumbass,Sugs,maybe the puppet if given the chance could make a decision for his own puppet life and things would turn out better,Ib know its very hard to see that even though You are a puppeteer you still dont have enough brains to navigate your own life"

Sugs was pissed "I am a puppeteer" sugar quincy stated


-------------
THE realtime sugar quincy sores
-


With each movie I watch
I look into Your eyes
a thousand dreams away from my heart
You never said goodbye
-------------
"Sugs" Sugar Quincy
-




It will not be me who brushes Your hair back from your eyes
it will not be I who kisses the wounds
he causes on your beauty and holds You in the night as the police drive by looking for You
it will not be my heart thats breaking
with each lie You tell
it will not be my soul You steal on Your way back to hell
-------------
"
-


redeemed envy



bellow out the temper then disolve your greed
keep with the vain surplus of mechanical faliure
it's so preety that empty turned grey
along with a predeterminded endevour
that is surely the simptom of the cancer that seeps
one more time for the angles of heaven
their one kind display for the torture of slaves
bless them to only burn them crossed
quintacentially the sorrow of barks when we are bared from dreams
-------------
chachi
-


all the votes are in you have to marry me if you plan to use the name qu incy
-------------
Anonymous
-


the sugar snitzel Quincel
shitzel
-------------
Anonymous
-


i am so glad you came back to me
i have waited for your love
you would not believe
-------------
Anonymous
-


The pattern of fur on Sugar Quincys quincy sores resembled that of crop circles
-------------
Anonymous
-


your blue guitar?
your green pickle dill with mini cam?
-------------
Anonymous
-


Sugar Quincys ass tried to remember
as he drug it across the carpet
pulling it with all his might by his front sugar claws

the was the real time sugar quincys way of wiping the sugar treats from his stlyin pimp ass nugget field
-------------
Anonymous
-


"Pooh Pooh Peek A Boo"

I'm going to take a dump
I'm going to take a dump with You
when You stand outside the latrine door
and play Pooh Pooh Peek A Boo
So I turn the light off
what more can I do
when You gotta go You Gotta Go
whether or not Your sickness has turned uncool

I'm going to take a dookie
thats just what I'll do
I'm going to take a dookie
I will dookie right along with You
because Your so Gosh darn nosey
You think this is the thing to do

Yes I know Your sick in the head
everyone knows its true
when you stand outside the outhouse door
and play Pooh Pooh Peek A Boo
when your sickness kicks in
and You want to know what I do
when I lift up the seat
and You peek a peek a pooh pooh pa pooh
Yeah
I don't have any ideal what I'm wiping
my leg maybe who know
I have to keep the light off
on the account of your sickness and You
it don't matter if its morning
the day time will do
way late in the middle of the night
whenever I have to
Thats when you want to play your favorite
mental illness
to see just what I'll do
when I put the lid up
You wanna play
yes everyday
You know why dont You go away
cause I've had enough of your sickness
I've had enough of You
I don't want to be around someone so mental
that plays Pooh Pooh Peek A Boo
-------------
The Lord of The Cat Box
-


*1999*
"JESTER" Or "CHESHIER CAT"



If your still around... Just wanted to let you know your still thought about by me... all my hair is cut off and I'm not as fat as I used to be... But my favorite color is still LIME GREEN ;)

Just wanted to know how your doing??

I hope great... Your a wonderful person.!.!

But if I really ment something to you you'll


REMEMBER ME :)

Always apart of your Life, If only in your head...
-------------
Anonymous In Lime Green
-


Sugar Quincy's cat box cancer swelled up and stained the carpet
its much worse this time said the real quincy
not like last week when I had that batch of ovairian ass cancer this time the cat box cancer has set into the sugar Quincy sores like a mole in the cat box said the real sugar quincy as he did a little cat box dance
milk the crack whore milk the crack whore

-------------
Quincy Sores
-


your question is mirror mirror?
first and foremost
http://www.shedevil vixen.com/

later

http://www.re dvamp.com/
-------------
:
-


the final set of a fallen soldier
its safe to say the ultimatum is blasphemy
keep it touch with your tired emotions
cuz your underlining stress is the best taste
kiss and tell me what your craving says
im never the same after shame
the display is worth a thousand churns
and the other word is just for hurt
to make a short story long
its woth great regret that i announce your troubled
yurn

peace out you punk bitches
-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


the word of quicy the imposter sadens me to the very end
do not speak for me
my voice is not yours
with cancer at my feet you only delay the delay
im tired of your same old display
i loved you always its not our fate
till the end i will cherish thee
me and the gang rekon you should have a rest
-------------
quincy"the real one"
-


Surveillance
ran into an extensive amount of money
why
just the crack
alone
certainly only used
to keep the team awake for hours on end
was way beyond anything the budget
allowed
it was cold like winter some hours and
some of the team had nothing else to do
no life
but quit anyway
slackers
slackers i say
keep the toilet bowl cam floating
keep your eyes in the peek hole lens
even if it causes you to go blind with eye cancer
-------------
Anonymous
-


gallows pole

The puppet swung lifelessly
from side to side
in control of prayers of death
hopes of suicide
truths stacked high enough to swan dive from

-------------
"
-


the puppet moved from lifeless death each way left or right either way it would not be enough never good enough and just short of bieng a tool
-------------
Anonymous
-


The puppet alone with no other puppet knowing there must be another puppet other than the puppet that was controlling the every move every thoug ht
-------------
Anonymous
-


Castleless Pawns

The cold answers stare You in the eyes
the grey damp walls suffocate your attempts
shackle the freedom
gather lies and imitate feeling
worms race to sell you heaven in wasted space

-------------
:
-


Pawn versus Pawn

The pawns strangled by puppet strings
wrapped around the throat
choking the vocal chords
leaving scratches
skin under nails
memories derailed
the reward in death
secret polices
the pawns angry attack planned from delusion
answers without reason

-------------
:
-


mr. cat box man mr. cat box man
won't you help us
if you can
theres flood waters a coming
to take us to the depths of the cat box sea
there may no longer be a you and me
its a long way to heaven from the bottom of the cat box seas
mr. cat box man
mr. cat box man
lend us a hand
while you still can
-------------
sugar quincy sores
-


since you are acting bad and saying your name is sugar quincy when it is not and you know it is not and you know that you are taking the name of sugar quincy in vain I do not think I will mArry you
-------------
quincy
-


Although I am the sores or the sugar quincy
I am still the winner
I have finalized my existance and I have overcome all loss

even though I have mistreated she knows not to fuck with me and that I love er
but my sugar quincy sores have found many a cat box its all in fun she knows shes under my quincy sores thumbs
-------------
Quincy
-


Yes I sugar quincy sores cheat on her all the time and I do abuse her so what
-------------
Quincy
-


sugar quincy sores wife was really hot but he abused her did'nt you sugar quincy pants?
-------------
quincy
-


sugar quincy hid with old saggy in the walls and planned to spread the sugar quincy disease to the innocent people in the bar where quincy lost his virginity of his sugar quincy hole for a hit of herion thus developing the newly formed sugar quincy sores as quincy the hermapadyke sugar quincy sore spreader sold the fake cocaine at teh bar to benable himself to buy new womens burrlap panties for himself and to impress his boss but also causing sugar quincy sores to ruin his bosses marriage and he tried to overdose on the fake cocaine which was really fruit protector he would not suckceed in overdoseing on the aforementioned fruit protector powder but sugar quincy sores did get laid with the fruit protector powder by a nice sixty seven year old women who had not yet had the chance to catch them ol' sugar quincy sores wah la
-------------
Anonymous
-


The sugar quincy hermapadykes danced and sang
the sugar quincy sores exploded into quincys sugar viend do go to the church today sugar quincy sores you will not be able to stop the act of quincy soreisms dance the hermapadyke dances sugar quincy sores for your lips from the lips of the hermapadyke peekaboo boo sores said the quincy licker of herion retardat ion
-------------
quincy sores and sugar quincy
-


the sugar quincy hole repair man the carpenter of sugar quincy sores mr quincy sucker sugar quincy herion addicted quincy sore extoridaire sugar quincy milker sugar quincy sores on the quincy hole from the heavens the shall be a light leading you to the quincy sores if thou can keep your needles out of the quincy sores and your lips off the quincy sugar you shall reap the sugar quincy rewards
-------------
sugar quincy sores
-


YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO DISPLAY YOUR SUGAR QUINCY SORES IN PUBLIC SAID THE OFFICAL QUINCY SORE FAN CLUB Treasurer and quincy sore "sugar quincy" himself as he quincyied his quincy sores with a needle full of the sugar quincy medication
I need it another hit of the sugar quincy medications said sugar quincy representive debbie the sugar quincy hole in the department of quincy sores did you mean sugar quincy stores did you mean debbies sugar quincy sores said the officer investigating the sugar quincy sores exposure to the quincy hole
can I see the extent of damage the sugar quincy poetry did to your quincy hole the sugar quincy pants carpenter held the needle of sugar quincy meds with his quincy sore butt cheeks singing quincy sores sugar quincy sores your mother has given quincy the sugar quincy sores
-------------
sugar quincy sores
-


your quincy hole is like sugar it is said the buttered cookies of the quincy sores in the quincy bowl the sugar quincy hole was calling your mother the whore of quincy the wetback of sugar stained sugar quincy sores on your lips as your carpenter sores become quincied in the cat box your mothers lips wet with quincy stains of sugar
-------------
sugar quincy
-


You will a have to marry me now said sugar quincy pants as them ol' sugar quincy sores the quincy caught from your mothers lips became violently painful sugar quincy hid the yogurt cups in franks bleeding ass debbie milked the sugar quincy with her quincy lips
sugar quincy stood on the debbie pile of bile and urinated sugar quincy style
up the quincy hole screamed your mother as she opened her sugar quincy hole

it is stale now your sugar quincy hole is stale cried debbie in her quincy fit of sugar speaking directly to your mother


your mother spread the quincy sores to the lords of the cat box in an effort to remove them from your quincy hole please god of the sugar quincy hole make your mothers sugar quincy hole erupt with a sorenessin the act of pizza
-------------
sores on your mothers quincy hole
-


box car Jesus was happy to see the Sugar Quincy fortune cookie machine was working as soon as the needle was empty of the herion
I will find out if the crackwhore is my soul mate said sugar quincy I will find out right now
ask the magic eight ball its a loser but at least it tries said old saggy as she stood on the cold corner because the tax man took the whore house away leaving her with a card board box to shoot the shit in

Sugar Quincy pants was happy for himself he was keeping it as real as a sugar quincy pants could
sugar quincy likes the mexican midget rodeo to much said quincy pants I like it to much the quincy yogurt mess said sugar quincy sores un able to heal in the church of man or god in the house of the sugar quincy sore the sugar quiny pants could sallow like your mom and quincy back for more
-------------
sugar quincy pants
-


keep up with the frozen yogurt
your diet will fill your ass with shit
im hoping for my sceduled exam
ot will prove you have my hand
ill marry you yet
-------------
quincy
-


leave me be you heartless wench
your only prize will be this dick in your ass
together with tears of joy i honer thee teehee
forget about your troubles and your strives
just stick to your bare necessities
-------------
quincy
-


The shiteater dressed like a chatholic priest again singing Micheal Jackson songs and doing bad bad things to Rudolph and calling rudolph Bambi shall be pelted with the stones as they shall fall to fast to soon with love from the cat box christs just like you have asked
-------------
Anonymous
-


the seven cat box christs decieded throwing stones to be a good ideal and the shiteater would be a great place to start throwing them in the shit eaters direction since the shit eater is owed a stone or a few so then it shall be
-------------
Anonymous
-


"Now we know why they call you "Suger Puffy pants" at confession ,mAAM " SAID the bitter Sugar Quincy all hopped up on the Bertha Meds and red bull was ready to tard at a moments notice sure his pooh pooh hurts as bad as franks at this moment thanks to that bulldyke with the strap on calling him Bambi all morning but tomorrow was another day and sugar quincy had now found the secret recipe for making cork out of cat box droppings and was well on the way to stopping it up as it were

"Go sugar quincy go sugar quincy go sugar quincy" chanted the herion addictted cross threaded lesbian that hid inside the wall
-------------
Anonymous
-


truly a pathetic display of human emotion
it only proves my point that contests are made to win
and there will always be losers
its only a stone throw away
-------------
quincy
-


a new chapter in an otherwise dangerous waste
he quietly rested his on the mantle that will soon
turn him astray

-------------
CHACHI CHARMS
-


Johnny hollywood bought the tapes and booklet set and listened to them everyday while in his car on the way down to the welfare office and finally he was ready to be a real estate entrupanur buying the whore house that was lost to the taxman not so long ago with no money down just as the kit said.
-------------
:
-


Box car jesus said "this really annoys me,that bitch keeps saying over and over "Your playing Reindeer games now ain't ya,bambi"

"Shes only doing this to be accepted into the union of the cross threaded lesbian mafia, without having to pay the extremly high dues" said the now angry cat box christ.
-------------
Anonymous
-


Poems pruned on 02-19-05

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